When to cut a friend from your life

[strawberrykiki]

I'm so sorry about your breakup and about how your friend treated you. She doesn't sound like someone I would be friends with anymore. I could probably forgive her not moving at the last minute, but definitely couldn't forgive her for how she acted when you needed love and support after going through a hard breakup.

[xRedd]

I know how you feel. I've been that great friend, that has gone completely out of my way to be with them, just to get stepped on. It sucks. But this is what I have done with those friends. I talk to them...tell them how I feel. Nothing is resolved unless you express each others feelings. I can count so many times where a friend just started ignoring me, and I had no idea why. If the friend would of just told me what was bothering her in the first place, things could of been much different. Maybe you did something and didn't even know, and this could be your chance to apologize. Even if you did NOTHING wrong, say you are sorry for whatever you possibly could have done. Being defensive even when you know you are right just leads to more drama and more ill feelings. Sometimes it's best just to apologize for the sake of apologizing. Then stop being that amazing friend. You have told her how you feel, you have apologized, now it's her turn. If she wants to continue the friendship she can...be there for her if that's what she chooses to do. If she doesn't, her loss. Don't be the one contacting her. Don't let her stay at your place. If she contacts you, wants to hang out, great! If she never does, you didn't loose much either. Flaky friends that cause drama aren't necessary in your life. But completely breaking ties with someone isn't great either especially if you guys have mutual friends. Put her on the back burner, turn her into a casual acquaintance. That's my advice and what's worked for some of my friendships.

[cremebrulee]

toxic people are surely not friends, and this young woman sounds toxic, I would definately not allow her in my life any longer, remember, you chose your friends, they don't chose you....

there comes a time in your life, when you have to make these kind of decisions, sad but true, and if she is causing you all this grief, then move on but remember....making plans with other people, to move somewhere together or to even go on vacations together, you will find, that people back out...

you moving alone, to another state, turned out to be the turning point in a personal knowledge of your own, you matured, became independent...etc...a whole lot of good came out of that....just think what it might have been like if she have moved in with you, (ugh)

[Blondebaerde]

Mildly interesting story. Seems typical of dealing with people, the good and bad, and moving on. Been-there, done-that, became far more philosophical about it in my 40s vs. 20s.

I don't know anyone from college, 25 years later. They're all dead to me. One actually did die. Another, serious time, twice, but he was a dangerous cat when we were friends in college so sadly enough to say, I'm not surprised. Third is a wife-beater POS who had a $400K judgement served on him, not too many years ago: THAT was amusing and about his style/speed, too. I let the last guy go just after senior year, realizing I'd had enough of his philandering, dishonest, bum ways. Appears I called it correctly, decades later.

The rest of my pals and acquaintances from back then, I really don't know. I hear from them on LinkedIn occasionally, we email "hi how are you" a few times, then it's "who cares, life goes on." Kind of like ex-GFs from college: at least one turned up on Facebook and reached out. Taht was awkward, but we moved on. There is really nothing to talk about.

Close analogy to OP: I let a guy go a few years after I graduated, we were both in class together freshman through junior years. Not unlike OP's story, we promised we'd move to Reno together, seek our fortunes. Mine was coming along just fine, I'd been there 6 months at the time blazing the trail since I was actually smart enough to graduate with highly marketable skills. His road would have been tougher, with no degree (flunked out about time of senior year). Yeah, and days before were were to leave, when I went back to our home in Michigan to visit, he wussed out on me. Whatever marginal respect I had for the guy flew out the window that day. I didn't see him much after that, though we tried to keep it alive when he visited me in California year or so later. Brraaaap (buzzer sound): adios.

Some people are home bodies. I looked the above-guy up recently, he's got a house not two miles from where he lived when I knew him, where he grew up. They'll bury him there in forty more years, I assume. To me, that is alien thinking, but hey: a LOT of people just don't leave where they grew up. About the third conversation with them, once you've left, there is nothing further to discuss. People like (me, OP) who are economic migrants go where the work is, to hopefully become rich or at least better off. Ironically I took the path he did not, as an IT manager at a name-brand mega firm. That was always my buddy's gig, to be the computer guy. I discovered my latent talent for all that rather late, at about age 21. Now my buddy is manager of a Hertz or Avis and I'm ...living the dream, as they say.

Everyone I call friend these days, bar-none, is an economic migrant. That's not coincidental, there are threads on it in Work and Employment section.

Let the person go, either now or in the future, by just putting the phone/keyboard down. Kind of like relationships: there's always another guy or gal out there, nothing to get terribly excited about either though it sucks in the short run. No one likes to lose.

[TitanRam]

I would have stopped being friends with her after the apartment issue. Get her out of your life.

[cam1957]

You'll meet many acquaintances in life and very few good friends. She's an acquaintance and not worth your time and energy.