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He has to discuss this revelation with other family members. They are probably "holding council" over the event. Conferring, doing the math, comparing names dates and places to evaluate the validity of your claim. They may prudently confer with an attorney about how your sudden appearance may affect inheritance among them
Be asking yourself how you would feel in their shoes.
Are you on an equal and comfortable footing socially and economically with your newfound sibling(s)?
What would they find out about you through social media or a simple background check?
Give them time, and be prepared to forthrightly assure them that you are not seeking anything except a better sense of your biological heritage and to get to know them as fellow successful adults
OP, I was adopted, and was unable to have any contact with my siblings due to laws from the state. (They protect the birth parents.)
In 2001, my sister hired a private detective and that lady somehow found me. I was elated, my sister was elated, and we were both so very sure, on that first phone call, that we would stay in touch every single day.
It isn't that easy. There's a LOT of emotions that come up, things that need to be worked through, on both sides, and while those shows on tv always give you the happy reunion, they never show what happens AFTER that. It's not easy, for anyone. It takes time.
Fast forward to 2011. I finally found my brothers. (Long story on why it took that long, just don't even ask.) They were elated. They were excited. We talked on the phone, we wrote emails, we sent messages on FB, and I was told, "We will never be separated again."
Well. Again, there's a LOT of emotions that have to be dealt with. In addition, they have their lives they still have to manage. It doesn't matter how excited and happy they are, there's going to be things that have to be dealt with, and even when you KNOW the person existed, it is still incredibly overwhelming.
I KNOW how it feels not to hear from them in a few days, or a week. Trust me, I know very well. You will over analyze, you will worry yourself sick, you will think they don't care, you will think, "Here we go again..." I know those feelings.
But as others have said, you have to allow the other person some time to digest it all. If they didn't even know you existed, you have to give them even more time. I know it's hard, but imagine how it is on their end.
Your uncle may be in the process of telling other family members. He may also be working out his own feelings about the situation. It's not an overnight thing, let me assure you of that right now. It's been 4 years since I finally found my brothers, and one is so jacked up from it, there hasn't been communication since. Not because he doesn't want to, not because he doesn't care, but because it's very, very emotional for him.
Another brother has a very hard time with it, as well. In addition to me, he's got his own mess with a dumb hag of an ex wife to contend with.
My other brother is a lot better, and we talk every so often through messages, but even he has a hard time with it. See, for some people, it's not easy to deal with. Some people don't want to deal with those hard emotions. They would rather push it down, no matter what they say, no matter how much they do care about you, for some, dealing with those emotions is more than they can handle at the time. For some, it HAS to be slow and gradual.
For you, you have known you existed your entire life, and you have known that somewhere out there you've had a biological dad. You've been waiting your whole life to find him, and your other relatives, you are ready.
But the family didn't know about you. This is a shock to them. You have had your whole life, they have had four days. I completely understand how hard it is to wait, but you have got to give them some breathing room.
Having said all of that, don't sit and wait forever. Sometimes, it's too hard for them to pick up the phone, but you can, and they will talk to you. Give it a few weeks. If you haven't received a call back, go ahead and call up and let them know that you're still thinking about them, still want to know them, and ask when would be a good time for a conversation.
Don't push, but don't fade away, either. Patience is essential in things like this, and it's not easy, but you've got to find it and use it.
And, a dose of reality: Sometimes, they don't want more. You may want more, but sometimes they don't want more. And you're going to have to be okay with that. It's not a reflection on you, it's not a rejection, for some people, it's too much. Always remember, they are innocent, don't misplace any feelings on to them. Just be calm, patient, and open. If it doesn't work out, that's the reality that those shows don't talk about. If it does, learn that you may need to be calm, patient, and open for quite some time.
I have tried to reach out to my dads 2 brothers, and their 4 children on FB. I can't get any of them to accept my friend request, and they have not read my messages that I have sent to them.
I have tried to reach out to my dads 2 brothers, and their 4 children on FB. I can't get any of them to accept my friend request, and they have not read my messages that I have sent to them.
Hasn't even been a week yet. Give it some time. As I said above, " You have had your whole life, they have had four days". Six days now, but that's still not a long time to take all of that in. And the children may not even know yet.
Thank you Three Wolves in Snow! Your story gives me hope. I still haven't heard back from my uncle, and I'm still waiting...still losing my patience. It's so hard not to call him back. I'm going to give it another week, and then try to call him again.
I can understand that it is such a shock, I just wish they could process it faster!!!
Although, I think I would feel rejected if they decided to not have anything to do with me. That is something that I knew was a possibility when I made the initial call.
Thank you Three Wolves in Snow! Your story gives me hope. I still haven't heard back from my uncle, and I'm still waiting...still losing my patience. It's so hard not to call him back. I'm going to give it another week, and then try to call him again.
I can understand that it is such a shock, I just wish they could process it faster!!!
Although, I think I would feel rejected if they decided to not have anything to do with me. That is something that I knew was a possibility when I made the initial call.
You have to put yourself in their position. How about if a long lost sister showed up out of the blue? Wouldn't you take a lot of time thinking and discussing with the rest of the family.
These people have lives and history together. Give them time.
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