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It's sad but (even though I'm in my mid 40's now) I don't think I've ever had any 'true' friends, the ones that actually care about me.
Yes, these so called friends are more like acquaintances, even though I have known them for years and some of them have actually called me their 'best friend'...
Although, I'm older than you are, I, too, don't think I've ever had any "true" friends either.
A few years back, I thought that I finally found a true friend. Since I've had a lot of people I thought were friends flake out on me, I have become slow to trust others. As for the person I thought was a true friend, I even told her that I had come to trust her. Guess what? She, too, flaked out on me.
I think that my parents' generation (dubbed "the greatest generation") seemed to be better when it came to forging many lifelong friendships. My Dad, who is 90, recently moved into a retirement community because a former co-worker of his (they met in the late 50s!) and his wife encouraged him to check out the community and perhaps come live there.
Thanks for the comments. Isn't it sad that a lot of people these days seem to have flakey friends?
I try to make new female friends - it starts off ok, where we get on together and enjoy each other's company. I find that after a while though, certain things happen: a) they start copying me (I don't know why this happens - I'm not that special), b) the friendship becomes one-sided, as I get to see how self-absorbed they are or c) I don't get much support from them, even though I have been there for them.
I know that I need to make 'real' friends but I don't seem to meet many unselfish women. Of course, there must be some out there, I know. But they have to want to be friends with me also.
They are not your real friends then.......
Your real friends never let you down. When you need a friend the most, the fake ones are nowhere to be found, or they have "other" business to take care of.
A true friend to me is someone u can to talk to about anything and everything and will listen to you when you are having a bad day, and wont only be there for the fun times,
Real friends will treat you fairly, and not expect anything in return.
Last edited by MissmamaAnnie; 08-04-2015 at 09:07 PM..
They are not your real friends then.......
Your real friends never let you down. When you need a friend the most, the fake ones are nowhere to be found, or they have "other" business to take care of.
A true friend to me is someone u can to talk to about anything and everything and will listen to you when you are having a bad day, and wont only be there for the fun times,
Real friends will treat you fairly, and not expect anything in return.
Yes, it's like I know all this in theory but in practice I don't have anyone in my life that treats me like a real friend would.
It would be interesting to know how many people on here have these 'real' friends in their life, and what their friends have been like to be given such a title.
I don't think anyone should give without expecting something in return, as far as friendships go, though. And I don't think it's fair to overly burden friends with depressing stuff. Not that that's what you're doing. But, the definition above is too much to ask, in my opinion.
In a way, I think we've delegated therapists - paid people LOL - to bear the brunt of any really depressing stuff. A healthy friend will listen to you complain about something, offer to take you out to lunch to cheer you up, but it's not reasonable to expect them to wallow in misery with you. Again, I'm not talking about you, OP, but am addressing the definition given above.
In the past, people went to their priests or pastors, and some probably still do, but if you don't do that, you're expected to do the wallowing with the therapist, not your friend.
I think the most we can expect now are "friends" who are basically acquaintances - someone to chat with or go do something with. But, we're expected to talk about the depressing stuff with someone else.
At least that's what it seems like is happening in the world of "friends" now to me. But, even that needs to be equal. They need to ask you to do things as often as you do, need to show up when they say they will, etc.
Just equal acquaintances with good manners, I guess, is my new definition of what a friend is.
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