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It seems that most people only deal with you when it is convenient for them. People will claim they are your "good friend" but whenever you text them to ask how they are doing, to hangout or start a conversation , they don't return your messages or rarely return them. I understand everyone is busy nowadays (or so they say, seems to be a convenient excuse), but I feel like if someone is a real friend , they will keep in touch or show some effort/initiate contact once in a while, especially if they say that they are your best friend. Friendships are not 50/50...one person will probably do more of the work to maintain the friendship but still both parties have to try. People seem very distant now and most people don't call or text just to say or see how you are doing, they just call/text when they want something (which is hardly ever).
It seems that folks do not want to accept you for who you are . If you don't drink regularly or if you are not high energy or an extrovert, people tend to think you are too conservative or boring and don't want to hang out with you . If you are not successful, especially in your 30s, then people tend to distance themselves from you.
I am never someone's first choice to hang out with even though I try to text my friends to see how they are doing regularly. I don't get invited by my friends to do things. I know this post is negative but I am a very nice guy and loyal to my friends. I think people perceive me to be fake because I am so nice. I am often told that I am too nice. Even though I am an introvert, I like being around people. I admire people. I often compare myself to other people and strongly desire to fit in , even though I am in my 30's .
Anybody else feel burned out on trying to be someone's friend ? I always thought developing strong relationships with people was the key to happiness...I just want some friends who will speak to me or hang out with me on a regular basis. Sometimes it seems too hard to be friends with people and that people really dont care about friendship, especially once they find a romantic partner.
Yes I do. I am alone a lot. I have friends but they are busy, busy, busy. They indicate they care when I call and even say they want to stay in touch. People have good intentions to stay in touch, be a friend.
But intentions are not the same as doing. When their actions do not match their words, they are really very friendly acquaintances.
What to do? You keep reaching out to people that you want to no matter how much they do. And you don't reach out to ones you'd rather not (the ppl in the two groups may move back & forth as YOU are in control.)
But at the same time need to search for new places and actitivies to find new people. Look at your interests or something you would like to know & could take a class.
Don't do as I did for so long- I thought my friends were the best ever and somehow I'd get them to see my needs. And/or if they (great that they were) couldn't see my worth, it just wasn't there. (HOW could I believe THAT??)
The only person you can change is yourself. I.E. Your beliefs and actions.
It is good that you are asking these tough questions. You can find the best answers by listening & following your heart.
Last edited by Wild Flower; 08-05-2015 at 01:33 AM..
Do and be the things that build you up as a healthy, successful, interesting person. Follow your own interests, hobbies, and undertakings. Whether it is reading, running, working out, going to classes, doing charity work -- whatever interests you -- then do that and enjoy it, and benefit from it.
Then others will come to you and want you in their lives because you are a growing, thriving, healthy person.
What really gets me is that many of the "busy" people I know who can't return their texts will always be on their phones, texting away, the few times that I actually do see them. And its not all work-related texting! This shows me where I am on their priorities list and tells me its time to move on.
I understand. FWIW it was a revelation when I got my first dog. The companionship while not human was constant and loving. There is also commitment, responsibility, expense and work but the fellowship outweighed all of that by a factor of 4.
It seems that this is the best option for the overly earnest and loyal types that get interpreted as boring because our interests are internal, esoteric, homely or otherwise not easily shared. I wish you luck.
I always thought developing strong relationships with people was the key to happiness
The key to happiness lies within yourself, not somebody else. If you can't love you, nobody else can, either. You come across as needy and desperate and I wouldn't want to hang out with such a girly guy either. Work on yourself first.
If they treat you this way, they are not true friends. They are totally fake and are takers. You need to find someone else to hang with. Someone who has the same interests as you. Someone where you both have many things in common, . These are acquaintances not friends. ...., everything in life happens for a reason.
Yes. Methinks this "best friend" is not as close a friend as you think he is. No need to cut ties, but I would move on and seek out new friendships. One thing that might be helpful is seeking out other introverts. I know - we're hard to find. Try to join local clubs that may be geared towards introverts. Keep up with your friend once in a while, but you need to stop relying on him.
Do and be the things that build you up as a healthy, successful, interesting person. Follow your own interests, hobbies, and undertakings. Whether it is reading, running, working out, going to classes, doing charity work -- whatever interests you -- then do that and enjoy it, and benefit from it.
Then others will come to you and want you in their lives because you are a growing, thriving, healthy person.
I was somewhat frustrated at 19 when my professor mentor would always "test" his associates and see if they would do five cent things for them, after he did five dollar things for them. His point was he'd rather find out for 5 cents they're not going to follow through that find out on a 5,000 dollar issue.
It's a tough attitude to take, and I don't like using it, but sometimes you have to defend yourself.
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