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Old 08-07-2015, 08:39 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,235,612 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ninersfan82 View Post

Anybody else feel burned out on trying to be someone's friend ? I always thought developing strong relationships with people was the key to happiness...I just want some friends who will speak to me or hang out with me on a regular basis. Sometimes it seems too hard to be friends with people and that people really dont care about friendship, especially once they find a romantic partner.
Naa....developing strong relationships with other people can bring happiness...but it is definitely NOT "key to happiness".
I believe (a lot of the time) it's so-called social media, facebook, especially cells and texting, that actually keep a good friendship from ever developing.
No-0ne should HAVE to return a call....(to prove they're your friend?)
No-0ne should HAVE to text.....it's when you start putting these expectations on people that inevitably the "relationship" falls apart.
face to face interaction with someone IS key to establishing a good friendship....it can't happen through texting...though so many, many, many people think so..... and are hurt because of it.
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Old 08-07-2015, 01:50 PM
 
2,365 posts, read 2,832,893 times
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You might be trying too hard & being too available for others. Stop making others a priority & focus on yourself. Do what makes you happy & stop relying on others to keep you company. People regularly come & go in your life so don't attach so much importance to anybody. Learn to be content & happy even when you are alone. You do this by having a set routine in your life, taking vacations regularly, going on some adventures, having a passion, interesting hobbies & trying new things in life. People should 'want' to hang out with you. If you are bored when you are alone then others will be bored in your company as well so learn to entertain yourself first. Do you have a good sense of humor, stories from your trips, deep observations about life? You develop all this by experiencing life on your own, reading different books, living in different places, trying new things, taking risks in life & putting yourself in different places. If you are boring & have nothing to contribute to a conversation then people will avoid you. Not saying you are boring but its possible that you have all these qualities but you are not finding the right crowd. Either way, keep trying new places & people. If you are interesting then other interesting people will gravitate towards you. Being busy is just an excuse. Its all about priorities. Stop trying so hard & learn to enjoy yourself. If you appear needy & desperate then people will lose respect for you & take you for granted.
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Old 08-07-2015, 04:40 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,567,314 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninersfan82 View Post
It seems that most people only deal with you when it is convenient for them. People will claim they are your "good friend" but whenever you text them to ask how they are doing, to hangout or start a conversation , they don't return your messages or rarely return them. I understand everyone is busy nowadays (or so they say, seems to be a convenient excuse), but I feel like if someone is a real friend , they will keep in touch or show some effort/initiate contact once in a while, especially if they say that they are your best friend. Friendships are not 50/50...one person will probably do more of the work to maintain the friendship but still both parties have to try. People seem very distant now and most people don't call or text just to say or see how you are doing, they just call/text when they want something (which is hardly ever).

It seems that folks do not want to accept you for who you are . If you don't drink regularly or if you are not high energy or an extrovert, people tend to think you are too conservative or boring and don't want to hang out with you . If you are not successful, especially in your 30s, then people tend to distance themselves from you.

I am never someone's first choice to hang out with even though I try to text my friends to see how they are doing regularly. I don't get invited by my friends to do things. I know this post is negative but I am a very nice guy and loyal to my friends. I think people perceive me to be fake because I am so nice. I am often told that I am too nice. Even though I am an introvert, I like being around people. I admire people. I often compare myself to other people and strongly desire to fit in , even though I am in my 30's .

Anybody else feel burned out on trying to be someone's friend ? I always thought developing strong relationships with people was the key to happiness...I just want some friends who will speak to me or hang out with me on a regular basis. Sometimes it seems too hard to be friends with people and that people really dont care about friendship, especially once they find a romantic partner.
I completely agree with the bolded. There's never been a situation though where I was the one putting more into maintaining a friendship than someone else because I know how people are so I don't get emotionally attached to them. Yes, some people are genuine, but they're harder to come by.
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Old 08-07-2015, 04:44 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,567,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AK-Cathy View Post
I understand. FWIW it was a revelation when I got my first dog. The companionship while not human was constant and loving. There is also commitment, responsibility, expense and work but the fellowship outweighed all of that by a factor of 4.

It seems that this is the best option for the overly earnest and loyal types that get interpreted as boring because our interests are internal, esoteric, homely or otherwise not easily shared. I wish you luck.
Yes, pets are true friends until the end. Humans? Not so much.
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Old 08-08-2015, 08:08 AM
 
Location: USA
3,156 posts, read 3,340,450 times
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yep. that's why it's good not to put all your eggs in 1 basket when it comes to being friends with anyone. Don't overly give to the friendship. There needs to be a balance otherwise the one doing most of the work will be hurt the most if things falls through
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Old 08-08-2015, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,175 posts, read 63,623,198 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodmockingbird View Post
Quit trying so hard.

Do and be the things that build you up as a healthy, successful, interesting person. Follow your own interests, hobbies, and undertakings. Whether it is reading, running, working out, going to classes, doing charity work -- whatever interests you -- then do that and enjoy it, and benefit from it.

Then others will come to you and want you in their lives because you are a growing, thriving, healthy person.
I agree with this. If you do these things, people will gravitate towards you. Then you can pick and choose the people you want to spend time with.
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Old 08-08-2015, 11:52 AM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,574,545 times
Reputation: 36267
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
The key to happiness lies within yourself, not somebody else. If you can't love you, nobody else can, either. You come across as needy and desperate and I wouldn't want to hang out with such a girly guy either. Work on yourself first.

This is very unfair to the OP, and should be ignored. The OP brought out some very valid points about today's world, people have become more "self involved".

When you see people who only want to talk about themselves, only have time for you when they need something, or the minute the conversation isn't about them, they have to get off the phone....LOL. Those are signs of people you don't need in your life.

I actually applaud the OP who is in their early 30s for seeing in some people that they're not worth your time or that it's all about them.

Took me a little longer.....LOL.

It's not needy or desperate to not want one sided friendships.
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Old 08-08-2015, 03:04 PM
 
1,178 posts, read 1,356,403 times
Reputation: 2228
You made some great points and I agree with so much of what you said.
Stand your ground. Stick to your principles. Maybe some of your friends will grow up, get over themselves, stop their partying and be into forming closer relationships. In the meantime it sounds like your maturity level exceeds theirs.

I would suggest that you search for older people to connect with however, I have found that age has little to do with maturity and true friendships have more to do with how a person connects with themselves first. If they are in touch with themselves, they have more to offer and I believe it is more genuine and not so self-serving.

Good luck to you. You sound like a very nice and grounded person.

Last edited by rosebyanothername; 08-08-2015 at 03:12 PM..
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Old 08-08-2015, 07:30 PM
 
756 posts, read 831,133 times
Reputation: 886
Lightbulb Yes:

Quote:
Originally Posted by ninersfan82 View Post
It seems that most people only deal with you when it is convenient for them. People will claim they are your "good friend" but whenever you text them to ask how they are doing, to hangout or start a conversation , they don't return your messages or rarely return them. I understand everyone is busy nowadays (or so they say, seems to be a convenient excuse), but I feel like if someone is a real friend , they will keep in touch or show some effort/initiate contact once in a while, especially if they say that they are your best friend. Friendships are not 50/50...one person will probably do more of the work to maintain the friendship but still both parties have to try. People seem very distant now and most people don't call or text just to say or see how you are doing, they just call/text when they want something (which is hardly ever).

It seems that folks do not want to accept you for who you are . If you don't drink regularly or if you are not high energy or an extrovert, people tend to think you are too conservative or boring and don't want to hang out with you . If you are not successful, especially in your 30s, then people tend to distance themselves from you.

I am never someone's first choice to hang out with even though I try to text my friends to see how they are doing regularly. I don't get invited by my friends to do things. I know this post is negative but I am a very nice guy and loyal to my friends. I think people perceive me to be fake because I am so nice. I am often told that I am too nice. Even though I am an introvert, I like being around people. I admire people. I often compare myself to other people and strongly desire to fit in , even though I am in my 30's .

Anybody else feel burned out on trying to be someone's friend ? I always thought developing strong relationships with people was the key to happiness...I just want some friends who will speak to me or hang out with me on a regular basis. Sometimes it seems too hard to be friends with people and that people really dont care about friendship, especially once they find a romantic partner.
I will not hesitate to praise somebody and also I am not hesitant to criticize somebody. I do not care if they are mad. I do not care about if they accept me. The only people I let boss me around is my BOSS.

I am very busy. And the few I have are even busier. There were others, who are not busy. I don't like old prejudiced people. I do not want to gossip about people, especially if they are not of the same religion. And also I do not want to get drunk and talk about N Words. I do not call this busy!

I lost some people. GOOD. They are so old yet they still act like they are in fifth grade. 99.9% of the time I do not ask for favors. They offer. They insist. They keep offering even to the point I am insulted. And later they turn this against me saying they hated doing it. I never liked having to put up with the cheap little immature insults either. I am also tired of people being stressed at me for OTHER THINGS and OTHER PEOPLE and OTHER THINGS that OTHER PEOPLE did.

Loyal to your friends?! Admire People?! Is this part of the reason why you aren't successful?

I certainly feel like being burned out with friends. It is a full time job that never pays. But I do not try to be loyal. It might be desperate.
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