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Send a nice greeting to your real friends, telling them the good things that have happened recently. If you don't have any good things about yourself personally, then share good things about your kids, or just wish everyone a great year. Send the same greeting to the ten or so people you want to distance yourself from. Don't let them see that you've been having a rough time. It's better to be having a decent time and doing well without those people than for them to know that they left a hole in your life.
Two sayings...Living well is the best revenge, and fake it until you make it. Just kind of combine the two for your situation. Pretend you're still doing well so those people think you're fine without them, and pretty soon you really will be fine without them.
If you want to tell a close friend why you're unhappy with them, do it privately.
I get it! It was a horrible thing for this so-called friend to do to you.
The best thing to do is to completely cut off someone like that. I've had people that I thought were friends who got to the point where the only time they called me was when they wanted something. Once I picked up the pattern, I didn't call them again.
And, yes, it is hard to let go of so easily. However, it must be done.
This person was a real friend for a long time. What makes this so hard was that in 1973, after my biological father passed away when I was 15, he was one of the few kids that remained (more became at that point) my friend. More importantly, Scarsdale is a very class-conscious place. His family, while eschewing the term "upper-class" was successful. I had a suddenly single mother, who was age 40, who wasn't poor but certainly wasn't well off either. He was a friend through some very tough times thereafter.
The current posture is beyond comprehension since he has hung up on me rather than shared any grievances with me or problems of his own. When I came close to raising these issues last time we had lunch he said "he was very proud I was one of his friends."
And the problem is that in less severe versions that's happened with more people, especially the Jewish advocacy group in which I'm active.
It does seem that no one understands that calling your closes friend, to tell him that your mother died and being hung up on hurts. Especially when the called person says, "I can't talk now but before I hang up, set aside the night of May 2 for my daughter's wedding." And says "uh-huh" when I mention my mother's parting.
Does anyone get that that is not something that you "let go of" so easily?
We get it.
The point is that a letter such as you are considering is not the way to address your pain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
The current posture is beyond comprehension since he has hung up on me rather than shared any grievances with me or problems of his own. When I came close to raising these issues last time we had lunch he said "he was very proud I was one of his friends."
Came close? Why did you wimp out?
THAT is where is should have been addressed... in person, not with a pseudo-holiday letter. You need deal with that person directly, and possible cut them out of your life.
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Normally, at this season I send out a "happy new year" communication. I cannot do so this year.
Over the past three years, I have had a never – ending stream of losses. My wife, children and siblings have been devoted through these three difficult years. Unfortunately, I have lost my job, and a good portion of my remaining friends and acquaintances during this period.
Hopefully, there is dawn after the darkness. I anticipate and expect things will get better. On that note, I wish all of my friends, past, present and future a happy and healthy new year.
If I got something like that, I would roll my eyes and mutter, "Drama Queen".
Just don't send anything if you can't be positive; nobody likes a whiner.
The point of the email is to call out the 10 or so people to which this applies. I have done lots for them over the years, professionally and personally. Never did I expect to have a summer with few tennis games, no dinner plans with other couples, and, as I pointed out in the link, actual hang-ups on phone calls without a return call at a better time.
Get a waaahmbulance and quit being passive-aggressive. Either call out those people in person and privately, or leave it alone. You do realize that this approach is the epitome of the stereotypical Jewish Guilt Trip, right?
Came close? Why did you wimp out?
THAT is where is should have been addressed... in person, not with a pseudo-holiday letter. You need deal with that person directly, and possible cut them out of your life.
To be specific, the occasion came when he picked up the check for the lunch despite my repeated statements that the check should be split. This was just before Thanksgiving. I had gotten notice a few months earlier that my job was up at the end of the year. I said "you're acting as if you feel sorry for me and I don't appreciate that kind of sympathy." He then responded that he "didn't understand why I would say that" and that he was "very proud to have me as one of his friends."
I am sorry for the loss of your parents and that you lost your job. It must be a very difficult time for you.
While what your friends did was wrong, but IMHO the way to confront them is to discuss it in private 1 to 1. Sending a passive-aggressive letter to everyone is only going to make you look bad not them.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
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Makes you look like those ridiculous FB posters that constantly update you that they have unfriended people and if you see that message your lucky. Gag me with a spoon....
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