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Have you or can you say how you feel hurt that they are not willing to come visit more often? That your child is growing up fast and it is sad they will miss that. I would even ask them why they say they want to see your son yet then don't plan more visits.
Expecting your parents to relocate when they don't want to is not fair to them. Not moving near you does not mean they don't love you or their grandchild. They are probably comfortable where they live and at this stage in life don't want to start over basically.
So, you "need" stability, but expect your parents to have none?
They obviously have lives and a home that they don't want to leave, even for a grandchild.
And maybe, just maybe, the thought of living so close to your family isn't really doing it for them. Just a thought.......
It was stated pretty clearly in the OP that the whole reason for this discussion was that OP's parents WANT TO SEE THE GRANDCHILD MORE and were vocal about it. The grandparents said they'd move if they could find something affordable, hence the topic of them moving.
Short term I'm going to see if they'd be willing to fly out once more per year (I'll offer to pay) and my family will fly out to see them once more per year as well.
Long term, I'm going to keep trying to relocate to Florida.
I appreciate all the comments. It's just hard to convey the exact situation on a forum. They are great grandparents but they are also happy where they are. I posted in frustration so my comments may have been misinterpreted. I truly understand their situation. I only want the best for my son.
Short term I'm going to see if they'd be willing to fly out once more per year (I'll offer to pay) and my family will fly out to see them once more per year as well.
Long term, I'm going to keep trying to relocate to Florida.
I appreciate all the comments. It's just hard to convey the exact situation on a forum. They are great grandparents but they are also happy where they are. I posted in frustration so my comments may have been misinterpreted. I truly understand their situation. I only want the best for my son.
It doesn't matter who moved first, and it doesn't matter how often they visit or don't. What matters is this: unless you and your parents are living close by you and see your son frequently, he isn't going to be all that close to him. Not now, and not when he's older. Even Skype doesn't cut it.
I have a friend (grandparent) who lives on one coast and the adult children and grandchildren live on the other coast. From the day these kids were born. He has done everything he can to establish a close relationship with these kids (except visit often -- about once a year). Has called often. Has been extremely generous financially. However, the grandchildren are now teenagers, and my friend and his grandchildren are not close. They never were, and they are never going to be. It really hurts him at times -- but how could he have expected anything else?? I do believe in 'miracles' and I do believe in not giving up (on what we want -- or think we want), as long as there is a chance -- but there comes a time when one realizes that one is shooting for 'the impossible dream' and one HAS to face reality and accept what is.
I am sorry about the way things are for you, and I know the fact that your son and your parents are not going to be very close (emotionally and/or geographically) is hard to accept, but it's still a fact. And, from personal experience (and not just my own experience but others too), I suggest you take all the energy you are putting into 'ruminating' over all this and put that energy to better use. It is that that is best for your son, in this situation.
When my mother was growing up, in Little Italy, on the South Side of Chicago, the WHOLE FAMILY lived within a very few blocks of each other. She always spoke about how great it was, and I've always envied her childhood. :-) But life is different today. If families live close by each other now -- that seems like a real miracle.
Living near grandparents can be nice but it is not the end all be all of childhood. I'm still curious what you mean by stability.
Not my place to say, but I took it to mean his life in up in the air. Not knowing if the family is going to move near the parents and he needs to find a new job, if the parents are moving by them and he'd need to find them a place they approve of. Or a place with a guest area if they'll come more often and for longer visits. Even if you don't get what you want, knowing for sure one way or another is easier/stable.
If your parents are always complaining about not seeing your child, they SHOULD do something about it. I don't understand the mentality of grandparents who sit home and expect all their relatives to come calling on them. Make an effort. Being retired, I don't see why they wouldn't jump at the chance to visit more often, especially when the OP has offered free housing.
I've noticed older people do the same with phone calls. They won't pick up the phone to call, yet when they get a phone call the first words out of their mouth is "it's been so long since I've hear from you" (guilt trip inducing). Why the heck don't they just call? The phone works both ways. Same with visits.
If a relationship is important to you, show it by actions. Words just don't cut it.
Short term I'm going to see if they'd be willing to fly out once more per year (I'll offer to pay) and my family will fly out to see them once more per year as well.
Long term, I'm going to keep trying to relocate to Florida.
I appreciate all the comments. It's just hard to convey the exact situation on a forum. They are great grandparents but they are also happy where they are. I posted in frustration so my comments may have been misinterpreted. I truly understand their situation. I only want the best for my son.
What about the other set of grandparents? Do they visit more often?
I agree Fran, its sad families move away from each other. I used to resent my dad moving us from VA. to CA. when I was very young. I wanted to be around grand parents, aunts uncles & cousins. I felt we were short changed. My moms mom said we moved, we had to be the ones to visit. My poor dad did that drive Every single year for 40+ years. Sometimes twice if someone passed. That was his promise to my mom to get her to move.
Gawd he hated that drive. (mom wouldn't fly) Bottom line, we girls barely knew our VA. family. You cant build a great relationship on a yearly week or two visit. What I have with my two g-girls is special beyond belief, and I feel I helped shape them into the wonderful young ladies they are. My son was smart enough to tell me to let them confide in me, and only "blab" if it was something dangerous to the girls. That opened up total trust between us. They tell me everything!
Sorry for going off topic OP. But I understand why you want your parents in your sons life. The rewards from being loved & spoiled by grand parents is priceless. Good luck to you & yours.
I appreciate all the comments. It's just hard to convey the exact situation on a forum. They are great grandparents but they are also happy where they are. I posted in frustration so my comments may have been misinterpreted. I truly understand their situation. I only want the best for my son.
How about considering what's best for your parents? I get it, you're disappointed that the grandparents aren't willing to give up their social lives, their home, and everything known to them to be near the grandchild. But under the circumstances, what's best for your son is for you to foster a long-distance relationship. In just a couple of years your son will be in school and then his world will be far larger than it is now, and there will be less time for the grandparents.
You remind me a lot of my own son. I love him, and adore his son, but I have my own life and am not willing to give it up just because he moved 8 hours away.
Where are the maternal grandparents btw?
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