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I'm 25 year old guy originally from Europe born and raised there and then moved to America when I was 17 years old starting second year of high school. In Europe I had many friends that I grew up with and hang out with quite a number of them almost on a daily basis, and during school breaks and weekends always doing something together. In America I have some second and third cousins around my age but none of them like to speak with me really (except small talk and now some don't even live in my state anymore after graduating from college) and are very shy for some reason and not socialized or like to know me for some reason. When I started high school unfortunately didn't make any friends that I could hang out with, except two girls (whom I still talk to occasionally and we have gone out several times but last time was a year ago). I did speak with many people in class but couldn't make any true friends that I could have hang out with after class, on weekends and whatsoever. Then I started college (commuter) and again same thing no friends I could have hang out with on weekends/breaks/after school. I do talk to some people around my age when I see them at church, weddings, or anywhere outside socialized places with my family and stuff but noone to hang out with outside of those places. I lived in America for 9 years now and couldn't make a single guy friend I could hang out with. I'm very fun and socialized person actually, many people (especially those older than me) love talking to me and stuff, and my friends from Europe, but still have this issue :/
I'm very embarrassed by this, feel anxious and sometimes depressed and lonely. When friends from Europe asks who I hang out with, I make up things saying I have few good friends and bla bla, and sometimes to my family I lie about going out with friends at times but really hang out at the bookstore or the mall or sitting in my car alone or texting friends in Europe
I started work 2 months ago and met the only young guy 3 years younger than me. We love talking with each other (I may exaggerate and bother him sometimes too much) and he even shared his entire private life with me and we know everything about each other and became really close and good co-workers and (friends I guess). He is very popular, has tons of friends and has his buddies he hangs out with on weekends. They always do BBQ's at his house, go to beaches, trips, bars, etc. all the time. I don't really think he wants to hang out with me outside of work for some reasons even though when I asked him we should hang out once go to the bar or something together he said OK yet when I texted him yesterday if me and a a friend from Europe who came on a visit could join him and his friends at bar he ignored me and I saw "read" on text message. I really like him, we are very similar to each other (yet some different interests/culture obviously) but he is not in need of me due to having his lifelong friends. He may find me sometimes too much bothering him by talking/texting him a lot nonsense don't know because he doesn't always respond back to me yet when he sends something to me I reply asap and get happy and excited. I am very nice to him, give him food, bought him lunch, etc.
I only hang out when friends/relatives from overseas when they come to America, otherwise always going out by myself. Now it's Saturday night, nothing to do :/ I do have much older siblings but don't want to hang out with them due to them being busy with their families, different interest, etc. There have been church youth parties where I didn't go due to not having friends even though I knew some people there. I wanted at least 1 friend coming with me.
Can anyone give me advice?! I don't want to move back to Europe just because of this.
Last edited by Lonerandsad; 08-15-2015 at 05:30 PM..
Why do you need friends? We all really go through life alone anyway..
So I could hang out with on weekends (not saying every weekend but at least few times a month) otherwise I get bored being alone all the time and also a good reason and easier to meet girls but mainly for just hanging out, talk, laugh, drink/eat - basically having fun. Church events are not occurring that often where I know some people :/
OP, you have got to get involved in some activities or interests where you meet others who have a common interest. Then friendships come along in some kind of context.
Meetup groups, softball/soccer/bowling teams, bicycling clubs, church socials, etc. Often friendships are forged around some common interest. Example: I own dogs and walk them in the neighborhood. I meet up with others walking their dogs and pretty soon I know people by name who are dog lovers like me.
Get a bike or motorcycle and go to organized rides or hang out in bike shops. Take a class for fun and meet people there. Join a sports club and shoot hoops and ask a few guys out for a beer afterward. Take up golf and join a league or take lessons or hang out at the bar or clubhouse. Start running and join a running club.
You have to put yourself where people are. You have to do some of the inviting. It is tough to be single when everyone else is ''coupled up'', so maybe also consider a dating service or going to some of these events suggested and maybe asking someone out on a date.
The old adage ''in order to make a friend you have to be a friend'' is worth considering.
Pick a few kindred souls at work and say, ''hey pete or joe or whatever, want to grab a beer after work or go out for a burger?''
Something. YOU can do inviting too. Don't wait for the other person all the time.
All it takes is one buddy and soon you will have a few more.
Smile, be positive, don't come across as needy and pitiful. These are turn offs. Present as a fun loving guy and you will find the right friends for you eventually.
If you come up with one or two close friends in your life you will be doing ok!
The problem is society in the United States has changed in the last 20 years. People, in general, aren't very friendly to strangers and if you're out alone most of the time, it complicates things because people naturally distrust loners. Especially women. Also, you're European, your accent may turn people off. The best you can do is what Mexicans do, stick with your own people where you share more in common. If you keep chasing Americans to friend you, you will be disappointed.
You should be able to make one or two American friends IF you share things in common. Also, most friends today are virtual, like on Facebook. Most foreigners in the U.S. feel like you do and feel unwelcome. That's life, understand it and create your own happiness. Be your own best friend and the heck with the rest. Not worth the trouble. Good luck.
I'm 25 year old guy originally from Europe born and raised there and then moved to America when I was 17 years old starting second year of high school. In Europe I had many friends that I grew up with and hang out with quite a number of them almost on a daily basis, and during school breaks and weekends always doing something together. In America I have some second and third cousins around my age but none of them like to speak with me really (except small talk and now some don't even live in my state anymore after graduating from college) and are very shy for some reason and not socialized or like to know me for some reason. When I started high school unfortunately didn't make any friends that I could hang out with, except two girls (whom I still talk to occasionally and we have gone out several times but last time was a year ago). I did speak with many people in class but couldn't make any true friends that I could have hang out with after class, on weekends and whatsoever. Then I started college (commuter) and again same thing no friends I could have hang out with on weekends/breaks/after school. I do talk to some people around my age when I see them at church, weddings, or anywhere outside socialized places with my family and stuff but noone to hang out with outside of those places. I lived in America for 9 years now and couldn't make a single guy friend I could hang out with. I'm very fun and socialized person actually, many people (especially those older than me) love talking to me and stuff, and my friends from Europe, but still have this issue :/
I'm very embarrassed by this, feel anxious and sometimes depressed and lonely. When friends from Europe asks who I hang out with, I make up things saying I have few good friends and bla bla, and sometimes to my family I lie about going out with friends at times but really hang out at the bookstore or the mall or sitting in my car alone or texting friends in Europe
I started work 2 months ago and met the only young guy 3 years younger than me. We love talking with each other (I may exaggerate and bother him sometimes too much) and he even shared his entire private life with me and we know everything about each other and became really close and good co-workers and (friends I guess). He is very popular, has tons of friends and has his buddies he hangs out with on weekends. They always do BBQ's at his house, go to beaches, trips, bars, etc. all the time. I don't really think he wants to hang out with me outside of work for some reasons even though when I asked him we should hang out once go to the bar or something together he said OK yet when I texted him yesterday if me and a a friend from Europe who came on a visit could join him and his friends at bar he ignored me and I saw "read" on text message. I really like him, we are very similar to each other (yet some different interests/culture obviously) but he is not in need of me due to having his lifelong friends. He may find me sometimes too much bothering him by talking/texting him a lot nonsense don't know because he doesn't always respond back to me yet when he sends something to me I reply asap and get happy and excited. I am very nice to him, give him food, bought him lunch, etc.
I only hang out when friends/relatives from overseas when they come to America, otherwise always going out by myself. Now it's Saturday night, nothing to do :/ I do have much older siblings but don't want to hang out with them due to them being busy with their families, different interest, etc. There have been church youth parties where I didn't go due to not having friends even though I knew some people there. I wanted at least 1 friend coming with me.
Can anyone give me advice?! I don't want to move back to Europe just because of this.
You could have told him you are probably going to just show up, and then just show up. If these people avoid you or end up cancelling the party or rescheduling or moving it to some place else, THEN it means he is fake.
I do not recommend you buy ANybody ANything unless it is for their birthday.
From my obvervations in U.S.A. it is not important to have friends. They might appear to be social but they really are not social. I think every body wants their privacy and that they just do not care about friends or even having friends.
Wow. Lots of really bad and negative advice on this thread.
OP, desperation is a stinky cologne. The best way to make friends is to stop making it obvious that your are trying so hard to make friends. Take your hobbies and go get active in local clubs or meetings that are associated with those hobbies. If you don't have a hobby, find something you like to do and start one.
Start putting yourself in as many positions to meet as many people as possible. Find charity events or something similar you can participate in.
When your meeting new people be forward. Introduce yourself, shake hands, say something funny, listen to what they have to say and give a thoughtful reply and move on. Don't latch on to one person or group and become that clingy/needy person. Move, circulate. You will start finding people that want to talk more and get to know you better. Make yourself available to those people. Some of them will be the friend your looking for.
When you start spending more time with a particular person or group, you need to avoid controversial topics unless your sure your views align with theirs. Time enough to bring those topics up after your good friends. A little self deprecating humor is always good.
If its someone you know your going to see in the future then wait until you have talked to them a few times before you start inviting to meet up for drinks or dinner.
If your not likely to run into them again then but you really hit it off then you should ask them if they wanna do something immediately. Approach it like "Man I could really use a drink, Hey there is a good bar/coffee shop you've heard about around the corner, Do you wanna head over there and get a couple drinks (or cup of coffee) before going home?" Expect the answer to be no and don't get disappointed when you get no more often than a yes. Just say "Maybe next time" Instead of asking out you could also just tell them that you hang out at such and such place on a particular night/nights and suggest they should stop by sometime. Give them your number and say call me when you wanna hang out and get a few drinks/dinner/coffee.
Find some interesting places. Excellent ethnic restaurants, boutique shops, bars that specialize in something. When those topics come up (especially when they bring it up first) then bring up the place you know and suggest they should go there some time with you. Example, when talking about food you could say "There is a great Ethiopian/Italian/Greek (whatever) restaurant at such and such place. Have you been there? No? Then we should meet up there with some friends for dinner sometime, you will love it."
This is something your probably really going to have to work on. Its not going to get fixed overnight and its not going to get fixed without a lot of effort on your part and shrugging off hearing the word "No" a lot.
Be very confident. When you get shrugged off or told no, you should expect it a lot, just smile and move on.
Do a little self reflecting. What do you see in the mirror that you would stop you from making friends with yourself? Do you dress or act ambiguously about your sexual orientation? You should have a long talk to one of your American girl friends about that in particular. American guy perception of what might be normal European male behavior/appearance might be interpreted wrong.
What city or at least what part of the US are you living in?
Last edited by justanokie; 08-16-2015 at 05:50 AM..
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Very Bleak Advice:
If these people avoid you or end up cancelling the party or rescheduling or moving it to some place else, THEN it means he is fake. 
