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Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
984 posts, read 1,190,382 times
Reputation: 1691
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
To balance out this set of opinions, many Americans think that Austrians, Germans, and even the French are unfriendly and unnecessarily dour. So yes, it's a cultural thing, not a character thing. Big difference.
The mistake that so many Europeans make is that they judge American friendliness as "insincere." They think of it as "fake" just as many Americans from outside of the South think southern friendliness is "fake and insincere." It's not a matter of being fake - it's simply a cultural difference. It's no more "fake" than the Japanese habit of bowing - do you really think that a Japanese businessman who is bowing at you is "pretending to worship you?"
Do you really think that a solemn faced German is just "pretending to be unfriendly?"
Cultural differences - that's all it is. We should be glad that people aren't the same everywhere. Think how boring that would be.
I don't really know what the point you're trying to make is, as you're just parroting what I already said using different words. I explicitly said it was a cultural thing... and you're lecturing me on cultural differences. And seriously, do you really think I spent years in Asia under the assumption people were worshiping me? If anything, it probably would've suited you better to talk about linguistic differences in Korean and Japanese, in that they conjugate verbs using a "polite" form. It's mostly automatic and they change the base verb to the polite form without thinking about it, just as you change "to be" to am, are or is without putting any thought into it. If you have that more in depth knowledge, you would then know that their culture can come off as superficially polite. So, to rehash, I said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd
My dad and grandmother moved here from Austria and they have more or less the same approach to chronic smiling and superficial friendliness...
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd
Grandma had expat friends from Austria and Germany...they felt it to be insincere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd
While part of me thought it was generational, when I lived in Germany several years ago I noticed it's just cultural. When I lived in Asia, they said someone smiling for no reason looks insane and suspicious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd
Because I had that Austrian influence all my life...
Once again, to me it doesn't feel sincere because of my cultural background. Whether other Americans like it, dislike it or are neutral to it, I don't care. If I see someone walking past me smiling, I don't judge them as being fake, I just don't pay any further attention to them. It does, however, make me uncomfortable when someone walks up with a smile and tries to start a conversation when there's no reason to. That's in part why I don't feel comfortable in the South, because people are more inclined to do that there.
When I say "all the time", I mean difficult circumstances/situations aside, some people are always cheerful and upbeat.
You say that
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly
I'm one of those people who smile all the time no matter what mood they're in.
you smile no matter what mood you're in. I take this to mean that even if you're not feeling happy, that you smile anyway. So when you're unhappy, you're still outwardly cheerful. I think this is why some people feel your smile is disingenuous.
Regarding your original question about why people ask, it must have occurred to you by all the questions that you are getting that most people do not go through their entire day smiling. So when people encounter a person smiling (apparently for no reason) it's quite normal to ask. They are probably expecting an answer like "I just got good news about something" or "I just spoke to my daughter and I was so happy to hear from her" or whatever.
So yes, I do think it's customary to have a smile match up with a positive event. For most people (as you must have gathered by now by the number of times people ask you why you are smiling) it's not normal to smile nearly all the time.
yanno what, if your blessed with a constant smile on your face, I think that is marvelous...I don't know what is wrong with people, to actually label someone that can't be trusted, simply b/c they smile...Good God! Human beings have a huge problem in this day and age...
Just b/c someone does something different they they do, or believes in something that they don't, they actually believe that person is wrong?????? Or something is wrong with "that person". How utterly unintelligent is that? I mean REALLY, SERIOUSLY?
Nothing gets me more up then a person that passes me on the street, or in the hallway at work, who is smiling...or the gal at the WaWa who smiles and says, have a nice day. That to me is sincere and a great way to start the day.
People, are taking things way to seriously, even movies and TV shows....that they believe is real life?
I remember the days of ethnic jokes when everyone laughed, when people weren't afraid to laugh, and when we laughed at ourselves....
this world is pathetic, everyone screaming, "OMG, that offends me". Tough...you don't trust a person who smiles....or you think that person isn't sincere....you have a huge problem.
I smile a lot. One day my boss walked up to me and said "What are you up to that makes you smile all the time?" Huh????
yesh, see, perfect example.
I get up very early every single day, have since I was a child....love the early morning quiet before dawn.
Anyway, people at work look at me like I'm some alien, while making a face and saying, "you get up at 4 a.m., in the morning?" Why, b/c they are unable to view, the fact that not everyone thinks and feels like they do...same with your boss.
Human society has gotten worse, not better, that is for certain....if someone doesn't understand something you do, why, by Gosh, you must be WRONG.....shhheeeesh....and they don't hesitate to make you feel that way....
I don't really know what the point you're trying to make is, as you're just parroting what I already said using different words. I explicitly said it was a cultural thing... and you're lecturing me on cultural differences. And seriously, do you really think I spent years in Asia under the assumption people were worshiping me? If anything, it probably would've suited you better to talk about linguistic differences in Korean and Japanese, in that they conjugate verbs using a "polite" form. It's mostly automatic and they change the base verb to the polite form without thinking about it, just as you change "to be" to am, are or is without putting any thought into it. If you have that more in depth knowledge, you would then know that their culture can come off as superficially polite.
I wasn't "lecturing" you, though you are clearly lecturing me.
I was using the "universal you." I didn't mean YOU PERSONALLY. I was discussing the topic, not arguing with you or criticizing you. I'm sorry if I came across otherwise to you. (Yes, YOU. You personally - LOL.)
By the way, no need to lecture me on Asian culture, either. I've lived in Japan for several years, visited Korea, and my brother and one of my grandsons are both adopted from Korea, and my daughter in law is from Korea. Though I'm not an Asian linguistics expert, I know a bit more than the average bear about Asian cultural norms.
I have never thought of either Japanese or Korean culture as being superficial in any manner. I have enough in depth knowledge to simply appreciate the cultural differences, including their "polite" behavior, which I realize is very deeply ingrained and is just as much a part of their culture and psyche as the brusqueness that one so often finds in places like New York City or Berlin. So no - their polite behavior doesn't strike me as "superficial." It simply strikes me as a cultural difference. Hopefully they realize that my friendliness isn't "superficial" either - that it's a basic part of my culture and my personality. But if they or others don't realize that, well, all I can say is "Oh, well." I'm respectful of cultural norms when I am in other cultures, and I'm capable of reining my behaviors in out of respect for other cultures, but I can't change my basic personality and inevitably it is going to peek out.
Back to the OP and the topic at hand - OP, you can only be yourself. Just as this particular poster said they don't feel comfortable in the American South because people might suddenly just start talking to him, I guess some other people just feel uncomfortable when people are perpetually upbeat. Unless this cheerful personality trait of yours is hurting your career or close relationships, I just wouldn't worry too much about it. Like...not at all.
I guess some people are just very sensitive or critical, and just as you can't help but feel joyful nearly all the time, I guess they can't help feeling judgmental or suspicious much of the time. I can relate, as I've stated before. Even when I try to be less bubbly, even when I try to rein myself in, people almost immediately recognize my extroverted personality - I honestly think my face and body language must be particularly animated, even when I am not talking or interacting with other people (which is something I have to consciously control - my natural impulse is to strike up a friendly conversation with anyone within five feet of me!). I'm pretty sure I would scare or set the nerves of some people, especially people from some other regions, absolutely on edge with my big smile or my casual comments in the grocery store line. "Hey, just wanted to tell you that that color really looks great on you. I couldn't help but notice that and just thought I'd pass it along to you." (Person freaks out and immediately assumes I'm going to follow them home, get their address, and break into their home to steal said shirt later tonight.)
I've experienced far more positive than negative ramifications though, from my extroverted, friendly manner. Even when living in Germany, a country whose general "personality" is more reserved than my own Southern background, people usually responded very positively to me. Actually, though they're more private people in general, I especially liked the blunt, fairly expressive, and sort of "wry" attitude of many Germans - we got along well by and large. Their sense of sort of sarcastic humor appeals to me. I lived there several years and made several very good German friends who I stayed in touch with for decades afterward.
I was expecting the English to be very reserved, and actually experienced the opposite when there - I even had English people reach over and hug me after several interactions, which surprised the heck out of me. Even the most reserved people I met were polite and approachable and not at all negative. So I think overall, most humans respond positively to friendliness and a positive attitude, coupled with of course, basic courtesy.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 08-21-2015 at 07:19 AM..
I get up very early every single day, have since I was a child....love the early morning quiet before dawn.
Anyway, people at work look at me like I'm some alien, while making a face and saying, "you get up at 4 a.m., in the morning?" Why, b/c they are unable to view, the fact that not everyone thinks and feels like they do...same with your boss.
Human society has gotten worse, not better, that is for certain....if someone doesn't understand something you do, why, by Gosh, you must be WRONG.....shhheeeesh....and they don't hesitate to make you feel that way....
Keep on smilin!!!!!
Creamy, I like your style for several reasons, I'm the same way, up at zero dark 0400 everyday, I like my lifer juice brewing, my little buddy Thunder and me squared away with a nice little walk around the property, and off to duty, I've always been this way too. And I like how you think outside the box, I'm not an old timer by any means, but some of these people need to let go of the brake handle and enjoy life just a little bit, ya know?
it's odd, just this past Sunday one of my fellow brothers little girl died at 19 and he had to go to FLA to bring his little girl home, I took a few days off duty and went and spent some time with the family, very difficult for us all, devastating, I've seen a lot and been through a lot of bad things, it comes with the job and it never gets any easier for my boys and me, I didn't go over the house smiling and doing the stupid happy dance, I went to the family like a man in a time of need and support and had tears in my eyes the whole time through, but this why, I say, live life and enjoy it because tomorrow isn't promised. You can't always smile, but it doesn't hurt anyone for trying. Anyways, you can do a better job explaining why you feel smiling is a good thing better then me,
Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
984 posts, read 1,190,382 times
Reputation: 1691
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
I wasn't "lecturing" you, though you are clearly lecturing me.
I was using the "universal you." I didn't mean YOU PERSONALLY. I was discussing the topic, not arguing with you or criticizing you. I'm sorry if I came across otherwise to you. (Yes, YOU. You personally - LOL.)
By the way, no need to lecture me on Asian culture, either. I've lived in Japan for several years, visited Korea, and my brother and one of my grandsons are both adopted from Korea, and my daughter in law is from Korea. Though I'm not an Asian linguistics expert, I know a bit more than the average bear about Asian cultural norms.
I have never thought of either Japanese or Korean culture as being superficial in any manner. I have enough in depth knowledge to simply appreciate the cultural differences, including their "polite" behavior, which I realize is very deeply ingrained and is just as much a part of their culture and psyche as the brusqueness that one so often finds in places like New York City or Berlin. So no - their polite behavior doesn't strike me as "superficial." It simply strikes me as a cultural difference. Hopefully they realize that my friendliness isn't "superficial" either - that it's a basic part of my culture and my personality. But if they or others don't realize that, well, all I can say is "Oh, well." I'm respectful of cultural norms when I am in other cultures, and I'm capable of reining my behaviors in out of respect for other cultures, but I can't change my basic personality and inevitably it is going to peek out.
If you read what you wrote, you would understand how I came to that conclusion. I also never said East Asian cultures were superficial, but their outwardly polite norms don't always match reality. Because some of the cities there are so crowded, locals can get pushy if you're in their way. In a lot of markets, people get very in-your-face and aggressive with sales. Some things they say which might otherwise be the norm to them can be considered rude to Americans. I've even seen posted signs that outright forbid non-natives from certain businesses. Part of why I do well when I go overseas is that my quieter, more reserved persona more often than not is the cultural norm. When I lived in the South, it was miserable for me. I've moved to the West where people tend to keep to themselves more, and I'm far happier here.
If you read what you wrote, you would understand how I came to that conclusion. I also never said East Asian cultures were superficial, but their outwardly polite norms don't always match reality. Because some of the cities there are so crowded, locals can get pushy if you're in their way. In a lot of markets, people get very in-your-face and aggressive with sales. Some things they say which might otherwise be the norm to them can be considered rude to Americans. I've even seen posted signs that outright forbid non-natives from certain businesses. Part of why I do well when I go overseas is that my quieter, more reserved persona more often than not is the cultural norm. When I lived in the South, it was miserable for me. I've moved to the West where people tend to keep to themselves more, and I'm far happier here.
I'm glad you've found a place that fits your personality.
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If anything, it probably would've suited you better to talk about linguistic differences in Korean and Japanese, in that they conjugate verbs using a "polite" form. It's mostly automatic and they change the base verb to the polite form without thinking about it, just as you change "to be" to am, are or is without putting any thought into it. If you have that more in depth knowledge, you would then know that their culture can come off as superficially polite. So, to rehash, I said:
Human beings have a huge problem in this day and age...
