Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I flew to CA this weekend in order to attend to some personal business. A relative of mine had told me several weeks ago that she would be out here in the same area at the same time and that she could meet me on Sunday but not Saturday. Sounded fine to me, as I had some things I wanted to do on Saturday. The personal business had to be done early Sunday morning and she's not an early riser so I avoided reaching out to another friend who lives a couple hours north of where I'm staying.
On Friday, this relative said she was visiting someone on Fri and Sat but would try to meet up with me Sunday before visiting her father. Wasn't what I was expecting, but her dad is elderly so I get that I'm not the center of attention. I replied that, except for early Sunday, I was free all day.
No response to that text.
This morning, I followed up and asked if she might want to catch up at lunch or maybe dinner. No response, so I sent a text saying that it didn't look like she was coming and maybe we'd catch up in a month or two (we will be in the same area again). Definitely not a mean or nasty text, but a polite one.
It is now 6 hours later and no response. I had a good day because I realized early on she was going to blow me off, so I did things on my own, but I at least expected a response. A "sorry, I can't catch up with you" or "ran into traffic" or "dad's not doing well." Something. I could have invited my friend for a visit if I had been given some advance warning.
Do I have the right to be irritated? I've done a lot for this person. She is doing some stupid things in her personal life that I won't elaborate on, but they are things that make me see a really dark side to her, and also make me see how troubled she is. Still, I think she could have at least contacted me. It is like her to be flaky, but not to totally blow me off. I'm also not sure if I should text her back, and if I did, what I would say.
Ever hear....wait for it...actually calling?
And if she is a relative of yours, than so is her father. Why not call and say "I would love to see your dad since I'm out here, can all three of us get together?"
Especially if the father is ill/elderly she may have wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, you could have offered to go to the father's house and see if she was receptive to that.
Spend 15 minutes being miffed, and then forget it. Life's too short. You had a good time on your trip, and that's all that matters. But the next time she wants to get together, I'd think twice, and wouldn't hesitate to say, "Look, I don't want to get stood up again like you did to me in California at the end of August." Although I'm sure you'll hear from her before then and she'll have a list of excuses a mile long why she didn't contact you.
Are you 2? Just because you call/text, doesn't mean the recipient is obligated to change his/her priorities and answer your call right now. This is not Sesame Street where everything must happen in 2 second bursts; it's life.
And what makes you believe that everyone has a phone with them? I have a cell phone, but I call it the car phone - and that's where it remains. Don't call it because the car doesn't know how to answer calls. It is my phone and I pay for it so I get to use it when it is convenient for ME, not for you (and the same goes for a landline).
I am not tethered to my phone, controlled by my phone, or controlled by other people's demands on my time. I prioritize my time and responding to someone else's needs are handled as what they are: an intrusion on my time.
However, in the OP's situation where a tentative time was made to meet, checking for a text or missed message should have been a priority.
Does the OP have a "right" to be miffed? Nope - don't know where it became a right. Is there reason to be miffed? mildly annoyed but not much more given what the OP knows about the relative. I don't think there's enough annoyance factor to have given it enough thought to stress over it this long (12 hours). Move on.
Great post.
Like you I am not tethered to my phone. Sadly too many people are these days and think everyone else is as well.
I notice with a couple of people I know they send a text, if you don't get right back to them they send another one. These are urgent matters either. I have told them AGAIN, I'm not tethered to my phone. If I am expecting a call/text I will keep it close, otherwise I don't. I check it a couple of times a day.
I see these morons walking around in stores(and worse parking lots of stores) not looking where they're going, stepping off a sidewalk into traffic with their heads down, and wonder what is so important that it can't wait....I guess they have to text of post on FB that they're walking into Target....LOL.
That's like saying ringing a doorbell and knocking on the front door both go to the same place, why bother knocking if you pushed the doorbell button.
Only thing is, maybe the doorbell is broken, or its too quiet, or they can't here it from the back bedroom with the radio on, or,or,or a hundred other things.
Maybe this woman is being bombed by some jerk texting her every minute, and she's ignoring him, and your texts are just stuck in the middle. Maybe SMS is broken, like a previous poster said. Maybe she is in a data dead zone, but still has reception for calls. Maybe she has OP set up with a distinctive ringtone that she would recognize and answer if she heard it.
The point is that it takes a few seconds to try a call, costs you nothing to do and could provide the results the OP is looking for. "We don't do it that way" is an ignorant reason to miss out on making contact with someone who is worth taking the time to start a thread on City-Data to whine about not communicating.
Excellent comments. And a great analogy.
I know of a situation I just heard of last week, a friend was getting very annoyed at a mutual friend who wasn't returning texts, well it turned out they weren't receiving all their texts on their phone.
How was the problem solved? By calling and finding out. What could have turned into a situation involving hard feelings was quickly cleared up.
If it was that important for the OP to see this relative they could have called or called the father's house.
Whose to say she even got these texts? Once you get into Northern CA(especially by the OR/CA border)there are some areas that are spotty.
SMS texts are sent on the same channel as voice calls but use less bandwidth. In spotty coverage areas or heavy usage areas a text is more likely to get through than a call.
And why do some people think this girl who prefers texting would answer a phone call if she is not answering texts?
Cell phones were supposed to make communication EASIER not harder!
Also, what of the social media apps everyone has now? A message sent over one of those gets through if all else fails!
Lol...back when I were young, there were no cells, so if you made an arrangement you kept it.
Come over Tuesday - Alright.
See how EASY it was?
Have you never known anyone who lost their phone? Or whos battery ran out? Or who left their phone somewhere they werent? Or who didnt get cell coverage where they are?
Just because someone doesnt text you back the instant you text them doesnt mean they are ignoring anyone. They may have a very legitimate reason why they havent answered.
No one here bitching about their texts not being answered give anyone even a smidgeon of a benefit of the doubt. No, the person is rude because they arent answering!
You absolutely have the right to your feelings no matter what they are. Feelings aren't wrong.
People show you who they are and what they value based on their actions, not only their words. If someone is blowing you off and not responding to getting together, especially when you've come into town and they knew you'd be there and knew you wanted to see them, there's no point in trying to see them this time or any other time. You have your answer. It's hurtful and disappointing, but now you know. I would no longer go out of my way to maintain contact with such a person and I would certainly not attempt to see them again. Flogging a dead horse, so to speak, is a waste of energy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
