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The cousin asked first and seems like she has just as much right to her grandmother's things as you should, imo, however, your mom became guardian of this ring for whatever reasons and can do what she wants. I chose not to fight relatives for anything when my loved ones passed, ever, and don't regret it for a second, even though some things were specifically set aside for me. Not worth it, to me.
I agree with the poster who said since neither of you wants the ring, just the stone, neither of you should get it at this time.
If it was a case of wanting for sentimental reasons, one or both could do what my daughter did - my grandmother had given me a gorgeous ring (not diamond, not super super valuable) and my daughter and her fiance took it in and had a copy made for her ring. She updated a bit and changed it to rose gold since that's her style, and the ring was a bit worn and she was afraid of losing my grandmother's stone. I am not a jewelry person, or particular sentimental, my memories are enough, but my youngest daughter is (even though she never met my gramma - she loves my memories) so even though I gave her her great grandmother's ring outright she chose to value it enough not to take any chances with it being lost/damaged/whatever.
Good luck whatever you decide, and just remember, things are things and can be replaced, no one can take your memories, but people, good people, should be treasured and valued.
I think it's kinda simple. Your cousin gets the gold setting, and you get the diamond. She got the only other valuable thing (the china?) and this way you both can enjoy it, share in the memories, and keep your relationship intact, which may be more valuable than gold or diamonds.
It belongs to your mother, and it's hers to dispose of or give away as she sees fit. If she wants to give it to you, that's her business, and absolutely no business of her niece. Niece might create drama, but it's only effective if your mom buys into it.
And she certainly does have "family" -- what are you, chopped liver? :-)
This is the similar problem my two sisters and I had when my mother passed. The only fair way is to sell the ring and split the money. If one sister wants the ring she can pony up whatever the buyer wanted to pay then keep it. Who needs this drama? That's why if you have a piece of jewelry and you are near the end of your life give it to who you want to have it. You will be making everyone's life easier.
Well, at least your family observed certain protocols when your grandmother passed. In mine, it is a free for all. I live far away from most of my family, well for that matter, no one lives really close to each other. When my grandmother passed, my sister was the first to get there and literally trashed the place, gleaning from it anything of value. She had rented a truck and even brought helpers. I learned this from my G-ma's neighbors. Everything of any value had been hauled away. So, I have my grandmothers high school diploma, which is fine for me. I did not go to the funeral, because I did not know she had died. I did not bother on going to my grandmothers house until 6 months had passed. It had been picked clean and I think some homeless people may have been living there. You see my sister did not have a key, so she just had the door kicked in. When she left, she left the door open. I did call the police, but it was just a "he said, she said," situation at that time. My sister has had a hard life. She has known her share of lean times, and there is not really anything that I want from someone's passing; well, not anything that anyone else would want.
The diploma is from 1957. They made diplomas very big and ornate at that time. I am sure my grandmother was proud of her diploma. I found it in a trash pile in the old house. I brought it back out west and had it framed. It now hangs in my office.
I have no idea how this can be settled properly. You should rightfully get the ring if your mother chooses to give it to you, since it is in her posession. Your cousin will get over it eventually, and if not, that's just the way it goes.
This thread is a wake up call for all of you reading this. This will truly help keep the peace in families.
PLEASE,
1) make a will, number ONE
2) This is what we did with the contents of my mother's house, long before she passed away:
Make a list of who gets what from the contents of your home. Choose a sibling or adult child who will be the most fair and go through your house with them. Make a list of ALL valuables, collectables and heirlooms. From there, decide who gets what. Go through the list with everyone. If anyone contests something, settle it NOW, and not have them squabbling after you're gone. If you have to, flip a coin. Then have EVERYONE sign it. Print it off and give a copy to each recipient. Keep the master copy in a safe place.
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