Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So I pride myself in having good social relationships and in otherwise being fairly self-aware (pride goeth before a fall and all that ) but ran into an issue today that shook me a bit. It's nothing serious but still looking for advice on what others would do.
I dated a woman ~4 years ago briefly (like a month) but I ended it because I didn't have attraction for her. We've kept in contact since but there has never been any romantic contact at all. ZERO. She eventually met someone and got married a year ago and the long/short of it is it's a disaster.
Over the last nine months or so our rate of contact has increased. She'd probably say otherwise but my feeling is more often than not she was the one contacting me. Further, she likes to go on day trips and there is no debate that she was the one that planned these. Our last day trip was this last Saturday.
Fast forward to today. She sends me an email stating that due to the questions/comments on our road trip of last Saturday, it is obvious that I am romantically interested, that she is very disappointed that she couldn't rely on me to not get romantically interested, and that there should be no more contact.
Like most anyone my knee jerk reaction is to tell her she's wrong, though I will say I prefer no more contact too as I was growing tired of hearing her woes plus she told me things on Saturday that leads me to believe that the husband is capable of violence or in the least of causing me a ton of drama. I can think of four general ways to handle it/respond:
1.) No response.
2.) A very short generic response along the lines of, "I was not romantically interested/wish you the best."
3.) A specific response detailing why I am not romantically interested and why it is best there is no more contact.
4.) Somewhere between 2 & 3.
Sidebar: I interact with a number of married women and carry on fabulously with them (they actually seem to flock to me for some reason), though never any adultery, or even anything romantic (and no drama either). I think this is a lesson learned a bit I guess about differing expectations, perception, and points of view.
Fast forward to today. She sends me an email stating that due to the questions/comments on our road trip of last Saturday, it is obvious that I am romantically interested, that she is very disappointed that she couldn't rely on me to not get romantically interested, and that there should be no more contact.
Like most anyone my knee jerk reaction is to tell her she's wrong, though I will say I prefer no more contact too as I was growing tired of hearing her woes plus she told me things on Saturday that leads me to believe that the husband is capable of violence or in the least of causing me a ton of drama. I can think of four general ways to handle it/respond:
1.) No response.
2.) A very short generic response along the lines of, "I was not romantically interested/wish you the best."
3.) A specific response detailing why I am not romantically interested and why it is best there is no more contact.
4.) Somewhere between 2 & 3.
NONE OF THE ABOVE; not 1, 2, 3 or 4
she has handed you the answer on a silver platter
simply say "yes I agree we should have no more contact"
period. nothing more. no more calls or e-mails.
you're off the hook
relief
Do NOT spell out for her why you are not romantically interested in her, there is no use kicking someone while they are down, if she is in a bad marriage with a violent person, just leave gracefully and let her save face. it would be mean and unnecessary, be a better person than that. resist the childish petty urge to have the last word or to insult her. she is giving you what you want....so take it!!!
Hmmm. "NONE" is a hard one that I'd have to think about. My first reaction is she's got it totally wrong and I hate with a passion when people do that to me. My second reaction is letting her "save face" by letting an incorrect judgment go unchallenged reinforces poor behavior IMO (i.e., she should have at least asked).
So I pride myself in having good social relationships and in otherwise being fairly self-aware (pride goeth before a fall and all that ) but ran into an issue today that shook me a bit.It's nothing serious but still looking for advice on what others would do.
I dated a woman ~4 years ago briefly (like a month) but I ended it because I didn't have attraction for her. We've kept in contact since but there has never been any romantic contact at all. ZERO. She eventually met someone and got married a year ago and the long/short of it is it's a disaster.
Over the last nine months or so our rate of contact has increased. She'd probably say otherwise but my feeling is more often than not she was the one contacting me. Further, she likes to go on day trips and there is no debate that she was the one that planned these. Our last day trip was this last Saturday.
Fast forward to today. She sends me an email stating that due to the questions/comments on our road trip of last Saturday, it is obvious that I am romantically interested, that she is very disappointed that she couldn't rely on me to not get romantically interested, and that there should be no more contact.
Like most anyone my knee jerk reaction is to tell her she's wrong, though I will say I prefer no more contact too as I was growing tired of hearing her woes plus she told me things on Saturday that leads me to believe that the husband is capable of violence or in the least of causing me a ton of drama. I can think of four general ways to handle it/respond:
1.) No response.
2.) A very short generic response along the lines of, "I was not romantically interested/wish you the best."
3.) A specific response detailing why I am not romantically interested and why it is best there is no more contact.
4.) Somewhere between 2 & 3.
Sidebar: I interact with a number of married women and carry on fabulously with them (they actually seem to flock to me for some reason), though never any adultery, or even anything romantic (and no drama either). I think this is a lesson learned a bit I guess about differing expectations, perception, and points of view.
Wait wait wait WAIT ....
You went out with this woman 4 years ago, for a month.
Stopped going out, she got married. She's STILL married, but it's a disaster??? Which you know because ...?
And "somehow" your "rate of contact" has increased, meaning ONE OF YOU had to increase it, although WHO increased it apparently is up for debate.
Then you somehow go out on multiple "day trips" together, which to anyone watching probably look A LOT like dates.
And you're perplexed that she thinks you're interested in her???
Regardless of how "fabulous" you are at it, "carrying on" with married women is NOT a great idea for a single guy.
I recommend #2 ASAP, and for Pete's sake, carry on with unmarried people from now on.
You went out with this woman 4 years ago, for a month.
Stopped going out, she got married. She's STILL married, but it's a disaster??? Which you know because ...?
And "somehow" your "rate of contact" has increased, meaning ONE OF YOU had to increase it, although WHO increased it apparently is up for debate.
Then you somehow go out on multiple "day trips" together, which to anyone watching probably look A LOT like dates.
And you're perplexed that she thinks you're interested in her???
Regardless of how "fabulous" you are at it, "carrying on" with married women is NOT a great idea for a single guy.
I recommend #2 ASAP, and for Pete's sake, carry on with unmarried people from now on.
Not quite on point. I don't care HOW she thinks I'm interested but FWIW, she is the one that pushed the lunch/dinner dates and these road trips, and she tells me ALL about the terrible marriage.
As to married women, they flock to me (used to work at a beauty products company too) and for a guy, I'm particularly emphatic and chatty, so I get along very well with them. But point taken (affirmed).
Step 1: stop going on day trips with married women. No matter how innocent it may be, it may well cause tension in these women's marriages, because their husbands may wonder what's going on when their wives are all alone, all day long, with another man. If you wish to keep socializing with married women, try including their husbands. Or if you want "alone" time with them, do it in a public place, and don't do it all day long.
Step 2: be grateful that you and the subject friend have both arrived at the same destination -- i.e. not desiring any more contact -- at the same time. It doesn't matter how you got there, or who is right and who is wrong. Just be glad that you can avoid any further drama by graciously agreeing with her. "I think you're right, and I agree with you, I think it would be best if we refrain from any more contact in the future." (Don't say ". . . if we stopped seeing each other," because that sounds like you were dating.) "I wish you all the best." Be gracious, take the high road, let her save face.
Something you did led her on whether or not you think you did. From your OP, going on day trips, listening to her and engaging her, well.....figure it out.
I vote number 2 as well. Don't be snarky, be polite and don't contact her anymore.
she has handed you the answer on a silver platter
simply say "yes i agree we should have no more contact"
period. Nothing more. No more calls or e-mails.
You're off the hook
relief
do not spell out for her why you are not romantically interested in her, there is no use kicking someone while they are down, if she is in a bad marriage with a violent person, just leave gracefully and let her save face. It would be mean and unnecessary, be a better person than that. Resist the childish petty urge to have the last word or to insult her. She is giving you what you want....so take it!!!
this ! Only this!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) but ran into an issue today that shook me a bit. It's nothing serious but still looking for advice on what others would do. 
