Would I be a bad son for turning my mother away? (father, husband)

[The Dissenter]

My mother and stepfather just recently moved to a new area within 2 hours of my home and they have had problems recently. My mother has called me a few times within the last 3 or 4 nights complaining about him about some issues from the move and has mentioned in "loose" capacity about moving in with me if things go sour. Now she still has her job back in the area they moved from and a house she is trying to sell she can stay in with an air mattress and a phone call to set the utilities back up. I don't want to be involved at all in her marital problems including fielding her phone calls about the drama after a very stressful week at work.

Honestly, my place is very small, I just don't have any room. Studio apartment. And I don't want to live with my mother. Now if it was a situation where her husband was beating her a&* or she was legitimately in other trouble, I'd offer my couch in a heartbeat. But neither of those is the case. I don't feel I should have to be punished for her and her husband's drama after I've busted my a&* to be able to afford a place where I have peace by living by myself (no small feat in the DC area).

So CD, should I feel bad about wanting to stay out of her business including denying room and board to my already cramped apartment?

[CSD610]

Your choice to feel how you feel, no one else can choose that for you.

[merv1225]

No need to feel bad at all. It would just create great stress for both of you if she moved in.

[Mattie]

I think you should make it very clear that there is no room for her in your studio. Encourage her to think of the possible ramifications of giving up her job and house if she isn't sure her marriage will last.

[BirdieBelle]

I know based on some of your previous posts that even visiting your mom makes you feel like you can't be your real self. So I agree that having her move in would be a disaster.

You are not a bad son; you're just realistic. You both would not be able to live the lifestyles that you liked if you lived together. The studio apartment happens to be a very good excuse, too.

[oregonwoodsmoke]

Let her know that you can't have her move in but that you are willing to use you day off to rent a truck and help her move back to her old house.

[willow wind]

No, you do not need to feel bad. It would be an impossible situation to have your mother move into a studio apartment with you.

Every time she complains to you about her marriage suggest marriage counseling and then change the subject. If she continues on about it, say good bye and hang up. You cannot fix her marriage.

If she keeps talking about moving in with you be firm, insist your place has no room. Then tell her to explore her options elsewhere where she lives on her own if she wants to leave her husband.

What she wants is for you to enable her unhappiness. She wants to move in with you so you can take care of her, listen to her complain non-stop, etc. This is not emotionally healthy for you or her. It would be a disaster.

The resolution to her problems lie within herself. If she wants to leave her husband, she has to figure out how to do it on her own. She has options other than you. Do not enable her.

[starshine24]

Not at all. I wish I had set these boundaries with my Mother years ago. If she was in serious Trouble that would be different, in which case offer to get her some help. With that said, I am suspicious that she may be in some serious trouble given that she wants to live in the situation you describe. If she is being abused she may be ashamed to talk about it. There is a lot of help for people in those types of situations. Shelters that are nice with counseling and protection.

[Raena77]

Tell her she is welcome to come and vent but you have a life.

[starshine24]

oh I missed the part where she has a place to stay if needed. Still odd that she wants to stay in a tiny cramped apt when she appears to have better options.