Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I had forgotten about that one. It seems kind of strange to me, why the friend would care if the OP followed his ex on Instagram. After all, if she is an "ex" that means that he no longer has any claim on her. Who she chooses to have as friends or followers or whatever is none of his concern. OP, why did it bother your friend that you had been following his ex?
Oh, and while you're at it, you still haven't answered my previous question on how you know that your friend has taken other friends out to lunch.
I had a lot of time yesterday when all the men in my house were absorbed in the NFL. So ...
From his 2011 threads, it sounds like he contacts people via Facebook that he went to high school with ... years after the fact.
His parents divorced when he was in 10th grade and he moved to a new place with his mom. One day he started trying to reconnect via FB with some people from his old high school, and when one of them said, "We should get together sometime soon," OP was like, "OK, when?"
He doesn't give you much to go on, so armchair diagnoses will have to do!!
I get the impression he was pretty strictly sheltered and felt super nostalgic for the life he left behind.
Either way, he apparently makes no distinction between true friendship and polite acquaintances.
Because they are still friends, and probably doesn't want the OP stalking her too.
Probably found out from the ex.
The ex Amanda and my friend haven't spoken to each other in one year. I am not stalking anyone. So I don't appreciate you trying to vilify me. You don't know me so please be respectful.
Honestly, I think some of you are being a bit too harsh/mean. To a non-participant (until now, of course), the thread reads like a beat down.
With that being said, OP, I think you should be evaluated for Aspergers, OCD, anxiety, etc. I don't mean that to be rude at all.
Maybe this person never had any interest in being your friend, maybe you are friends, maybe you aren't. Another possibility is that he wanted to be your friend/valued your friendship until he picked up on this obsessiveness. I doubt it hasn't manifested itself with him. Maybe this "relationship" (for lack of a better term) can be fixed, maybe it can't be. Obsessing isn't the way to fix it.
I don't want to be harsh or mean, but from the OP's posts on this and other threads, he does not seem to pick up on subtle hints and he repeatedly sets himself up for anger and disappointment. Maybe laying out what appear to be the facts will help him see what's going on.
OP, thank you for your detailed response. I must admit, this does raise more questions in my mind:
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittycat40
Here's how that conversation went regarding following his ex on Instagram.
He called me and it went like this.
Friend: how do you know Amanda and why are you following her on Instagram
How did he know that you were following Amanda on Istragram if he hasn't spoken to her in a year? And, how DO you know Amanda (other than being told about her by your friend)?
Me: Remeber you told me that you broke up with Amanda because she wanted to get married and have kids.
Friend: I said Amanda?
Me: Yes you said Amanda. There's a lot of things you told me that you forgot about
Friend: This is really getting into my personal life
Me: Sorry.
Apparently, your friend used to tell you things about his personal life. But now, even bringing it up makes him uncomfortable. And he doesn't consider that he used to tell you things to be important enough that he remembers that he did so. This sounds like he feels less-close to you than he used to.
Friend: how did you know I dated Amanda
Why wouldn't he want to tell you that he was dating someone? Did he keep this secret from other people as well? 'Cause it seems odd to me to not want to tell anyone that one has a girlfriend.
Me: You told me. Plus you know how you see a picture on Instagram and you immediately think oh they are definitely dating.
Friend: I just feel like you have been talking with her.
Me: I swear I have never spoken with her. I have never spoken with her in my life. You can call Amanda and ask her
So if you've never spoken with her, why did you want to follow her?
Friend: I haven't spoken with Amanda in 1 year. I am not going to call Amanda and ask her if she has been speaking with my friend X. You got to understand where I am coming from here. You are my friend and you are following my ex girlfriend on Instagram
Yeah? So what?
Me. I understand where you are coming from. I am sorry. Are you upset?
Friend: no I am not upset
Yes he is. Or was. I would assume that un-following Amanda assuaged his upset-ness.
Me: what do you want me to do unfollow her
Friend: Yes
Me: I will unfollow her right now. Are we still friends.
Friend: Yes we are still friends. Well get lunch lunch sometime in the next 3 weeks promise.
Me: Ok
You did something that he wanted you to do (unfollow Amanda), so he decided to return the favor by doing something that you wanted to do, namely have lunch with you.
Friend: he then concludes the call by saying stay away from Amanda
He has some control issues regarding Amanda. I'm betting she's the one who dumped him, and he still hasn't entirely gotten over it.
This was a phone call we had 1 week before having lunch. He however briefly brought up the Instagram situation again at lunch.
If the issue was settled, why would he bring it up again?
Would you be so kind as to also answer my question about how you know that he's taken other people out to lunch?
OP, thank you for your detailed response. I must admit, this does raise more questions in my mind:
Would you be so kind as to also answer my question about how you know that he's taken other people out to lunch?
I am sorry I forgot to mention one small snippet of the conversation.
Friend: do you have her on Facebook?
Me: no
Friend: do you have her on Instagram
Me: Yes
Friend: that's when I said I would unfollow her
In regards to lunch. No he agreed to meeting up for lunch a few weeks before he ever even knew that I was following Amanda.
You mentioned that if I never spoke with her why did I want to follow her. Well there are many people who follow hundreds of people on Instagram. I just wanted to see her profile on Instagram so I followed her.
How he found out I was following Amanda was because I admitted to it.
Before he called me. The only thing he knew of was that I knew of Amanda and that that used to date but broke up. Since he forgot about a past conversation where he told me briefly of Amanda. The only way he found out was through his sister.
I was speaking to his sister of Facebook and I started talking to her about how it was too bad that Amanda and him had broken up. My friends sister texted my friend and told him that I had mentioned his ex girlfriend Amanda. Then he made a phone call to me about it.
Again lunch was planned weeks before the Amanda ordeal.
I don't know why he brought it up at lunch again. He just stated at lunch that he didn't appreciate me following Amanda. I said I had no bad intention and never put much thought into why I had chosen to follow her. He then told me it is okay we are still friends.
Last edited by kittycat40; 09-14-2015 at 01:23 PM..
I am sorry I forgot to mention one small snippet of the conversation.
Friend: do you have her on Facebook?
Me: no
Friend: do you have her on Instagram
Me: Yes
Friend: that's when I said I would unfollow her
In regards to lunch. No he agreed to meeting up for lunch a few weeks before he ever even knew that I was following Amanda.
How he found out I was following Amanda was because I admitted to it.
Before he called me. The only thing he knew of was that I knew of Amanda and that that used to date but broke up. Since he forgot about a past conversation where he told me briefly of Amanda. The only way he found out was through his sister.
I was speaking to his sister of Facebook and I started talking to her about how it was too bad that Amanda and him had broken up. My friends sister texted my friend and told him that I had mentioned his ex girlfriend Amanda. Then he made a phone call to me about it.
Again lunch was planned weeks before the Amanda ordeal.
He's not asking about you meeting up with your friend/acquaintance. He's asking about how you know your friend/acquaintance takes others to lunch for their birthdays.
This isnt the same woman as the Amanda from 2011; is she?
I don't want to be harsh or mean, but from the OP's posts on this and other threads, he does not seem to pick up on subtle hints and he repeatedly sets himself up for anger and disappointment. Maybe laying out what appear to be the facts will help him see what's going on.
You're not who I was referring to. And I don't disagree with what you're saying (unless there's a lot more we don't know about).
He's not asking about you meeting up with your friend/acquaintance. He's asking about how you know your friend/acquaintance takes others to lunch for their birthdays.
This isnt the same woman as the Amanda from 2011; is it?
I would run for the hills if you were my "friend" and I'm not exaggerating.
This. Isn't OP the same guy who thinks his "friend" needs to pay for his lunch after he hassles the friend for weeks to go out with him?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
