Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-20-2015, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Florida
3,398 posts, read 6,060,777 times
Reputation: 10282

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by underPSI View Post
Get used to it. In your parent's eyes you'll always be 15.
That's pretty much what I've come to believe. I'm 36, I've been to war twice and no matter how much I try to reassure my parents that things are okay, I'm still their child.

That's just the way it is.

"Do you need anything?"

"Is everything okay?"

"You haven't called in a couple of weeks!"

Look at the alternative, you could have parents who don't give a crap enough to engage with you or your parents are no longer a part of this earth.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-20-2015, 09:59 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,402,639 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Army_Guy View Post
That's pretty much what I've come to believe. I'm 36, I've been to war twice and no matter how much I try to reassure my parents that things are okay, I'm still their child.

That's just the way it is.

"Do you need anything?"

"Is everything okay?"

"You haven't called in a couple of weeks!"

Look at the alternative, you could have parents who don't give a crap enough to engage with you or your parents are no longer a part of this earth.
If parents gave a crap about you, they wouldn't be asking you how much you have in your account, not trying the stress you out with stupid questions that they should not know about when its not for them to know.

How would you feel if you had a parent that ask you one thing and you tell them you're doing this and then
Go on and blab and fuss about what you're doing. When its not bad at all?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2015, 10:11 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,402,639 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Do you really want a relationship with her? She doesn't sound like a pleasant person to spend time with. Why don't you just tell her that when she's ready to treat you like an adult, she knows where to find you.
Not being around her is not the problem. The main problem is telling others like my step dad(the just Got married two months ago) and others that I'm not responsible and this and that and stuff about me that is not true is a problem.

But then again I can't control that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2015, 10:20 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,574,545 times
Reputation: 36267
Quote:
Originally Posted by underPSI View Post
Get used to it. In your parent's eyes you'll always be 15.
Exactly, parents always see their kids well as their kids.

One of the funniest scenarios I ever saw was between an 85 year old man talking about his 65 year old son, he talked about him like he was a child.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2015, 11:01 PM
 
13,979 posts, read 25,889,429 times
Reputation: 39902
Nah. There's a big difference between worrying about adult children, asking about their health, weekend plans, employment, etc (guilty!) and treating them as though they don't have the sense to run their own lives and make informed decisions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2015, 11:05 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,402,639 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Nah. There's a big difference between worrying about adult children, asking about their health, weekend plans, employment, etc (guilty!) and treating them as though they don't have the sense to run their own lives and make informed decisions.
Somebody gets my point.
Moderator cut: delete

Last edited by Miss Blue; 09-21-2015 at 08:05 AM.. Reason: off topic and rude
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2015, 11:13 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,402,639 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Nah. There's a big difference between worrying about adult children, asking about their health, weekend plans, employment, etc (guilty!) and treating them as though they don't have the sense to run their own lives and make informed decisions.
Speaking of making decisions, I stay in the east of new orleans at my own place.

My part time gig as a security officer, I be at a post which is on the same bus route which is just on straight shot route from where I stay. I have a vehicle but I see the need not to use it because, it doesn't make sense to waste gas were I can get a bus pass and save a full tank of gas for other stuff (errands and such.etc along with if I'm called in at the last minute from my gig if someone does not show up ). Make sense? When my mother asked how I get to post and told her her how, she had a fit. Big time. "Oh' why you don't use your car why you have a car for anyway?"" " why you want to take a bus!?" I'm like "really?".

Stuff like this when told to her, along with coming up with and idea that makes sense she still won't get it and make it seems like it's dumb
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2015, 06:05 AM
 
6,720 posts, read 8,361,746 times
Reputation: 10409
Talk with your mother about how you feel. More communication is better. If it doesn't get better, lessen the contact you have with her to the bare minimum. See a counselor to help get rid of your underlying resentment and anger. It's there, bubbling under the surface.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2015, 06:38 AM
 
Location: BC, Arizona
1,170 posts, read 1,018,742 times
Reputation: 2378
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
Talk with your mother about how you feel. More communication is better. If it doesn't get better, lessen the contact you have with her to the bare minimum. See a counselor to help get rid of your underlying resentment and anger. It's there, bubbling under the surface.
You're being kind, I would say "seething with resentment".

Moderator cut: delete
I have to believe from your posts here that you're no picnic for your family to deal with. You seem prickly and defensive at the smallest suggestion. I'm not saying your mom is right, I'm saying both of you can be wrong.

As the poster above suggests, you should consider counselling for your anger and for help building an adult relationship with your mother. I'm really not clear why it matters so much to you. Most adults see their moms periodically but have most of their social interaction with peers so they can shrug off their moms comments (or reduce the time together) and carry on.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 09-21-2015 at 08:04 AM.. Reason: Thread has been moderated for rude posts. Please use the report function
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2015, 06:48 AM
 
133 posts, read 219,943 times
Reputation: 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
As an adult, you can limit the amount of time you spend with negative people, even your mother. I've had to learn to do this over the years. It doesn't damage the relationship, it helps your parents realize that you're a person with your own life. The more toxic your mother is to her, the more busy you should be and the less time you should have available with her. If her phone calls are always negative, start texting her instead (even better if she has an old phone with no keyboard). If her visits go on too long or include her criticizing your house and belongings, start meeting her for a meal at a restaurant instead of having her over.

Sometimes it's totally unhealthy to just respect the way your parents think of you and take their crap for your entire adult life. My mother thought of me as her unpaid servant who would always be there to do the things she didn't want to do. When I moved out, she thought that I'd come over every time I had a day off to do all of those things. I had to learn to say no to her. I still have problems setting boundaries, but our relationship is much better now than it would be if I were still letting her treat me like her child and order me around.
I like! Went through almost the same with my Mother but worse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:09 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top