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Next Saturday night is my 40th High School reunion. After thinking about it, I posted my issues concerning the reunion on the Class of 75's Moderator cut: edit Page. Enough people with whom I have not been in regular contact have urged me to come. The problems crystallize as follows. Three of my life's closest friends (friendships dating from 1964-72) are attending.
One of the three is a constant tennis partner, and we talk regularly. That one's wife is in remission, but has serious health problems. I don't need a reunion to see him.
The other two out of the three are a different story. These are people I'm not talking to; one since his rude handling of the 1995 and 2005 reunions, and the other for about 10 months (despite his inviting me to his daughter's wedding in May. These are the two prior threads on this individual:
As a matter of principal, I will not make "small talk" with either of these two people until I "clear the air." With the first one, i.e. the one who was rude at the last two reunions, an apology will do. For the second one (the one who the threads here are about) the matter is not so simple. He has often, over the period of our relationship, shut off contact, usually based upon some spurious grievance and then reappeared as if nothing happened.
Should I accept that for what would now be the fifth or sixth such time?
Dude....really?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
You are stuck in high school drama mode. And now that you've aired your grievances to the rest of the class, all eyes will be on you. Do everybody, but especially yourself, a favor, and stay home.
Next Saturday night is my 40th High School reunion. After thinking about it, I posted my issues concerning the reunion on the Class of 75's Moderator cut: edit Page. Enough people with whom I have not been in regular contact have urged me to come. The problems crystallize as follows. Three of my life's closest friends (friendships dating from 1964-72) are attending.
One of the three is a constant tennis partner, and we talk regularly. That one's wife is in remission, but has serious health problems. I don't need a reunion to see him.
The other two out of the three are a different story. These are people I'm not talking to; one since his rude handling of the 1995 and 2005 reunions, and the other for about 10 months (despite his inviting me to his daughter's wedding in May. These are the two prior threads on this individual:
As a matter of principal, I will not make "small talk" with either of these two people until I "clear the air." With the first one, i.e. the one who was rude at the last two reunions, an apology will do. For the second one (the one who the threads here are about) the matter is not so simple. He has often, over the period of our relationship, shut off contact, usually based upon some spurious grievance and then reappeared as if nothing happened.
Should I accept that for what would now be the fifth or sixth such time?
Making public your grievances really means this: I made myself the class laughingstock.
Spare all of them the juvenile-like drama and stay home.
And the Fab Five? Yeah, they just want to be entertained by your drama.
Last edited by picklejuice; 10-04-2015 at 04:27 PM..
It's not that other's don't understand the pain, because most people have lost friends or at least felt mistreated or undervalued at one time or another. The majority of responses have simply encouraged you not to try to get even. It is childish and would bring you down in the eyes of everyone. You cannot change the callous self centered behavior of others, but you can try to be a better person yourself.
I just took a long nap to think about a lot of what has been posted here. It is obvious that most people have no concept of the pain of losing a long-time friend. Either they are lucky enough never to have lost one or have never really had one.
Pretty presumptuous to believe nobody here has lost a friendship. I know I have.
As upsetting as it is, most people I know are mature enough to deal with it as an adult, and not hold on to such anger and bitterness.
Why go to a H.S. reunion if you don't want to go, and if going will upset/anger you? This doesn't make sense to me.
I've never gone to a H.S. reunion, and never plan on doing so. In fact, I have no idea when or if these reunions are even taking place. I've never gotten an invite, and wouldn't go even if I did. I live halfway across the country from where I went to H.S., but even if I still lived in that area, I still wouldn't go. That part of my life is well behind me.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 10-04-2015 at 05:08 PM..
I really like showing up people who present as having a very urbane, mature personality but at bottom have the maturity of 10 year olds.
I can't believe that I'm the first on this thread to point out that this is exactly what you are doing, and the person you are showing up is yourself.
Seriously, you should be embarrassed by this entire thread. You have demonstrated to all that you derive more pleasure from nursing your grudges than anything else. If I were you I would ask the mods to delete it.
Next Saturday night is my 40th High School reunion. After thinking about it, I posted my issues concerning the reunion on the Class of 75's Moderator cut: edit Page. Enough people with whom I have not been in regular contact have urged me to come. The problems crystallize as follows. Three of my life's closest friends (friendships dating from 1964-72) are attending.
One of the three is a constant tennis partner, and we talk regularly. That one's wife is in remission, but has serious health problems. I don't need a reunion to see him.
The other two out of the three are a different story. These are people I'm not talking to; one since his rude handling of the 1995 and 2005 reunions, and the other for about 10 months (despite his inviting me to his daughter's wedding in May. These are the two prior threads on this individual:
As a matter of principal, I will not make "small talk" with either of these two people until I "clear the air." With the first one, i.e. the one who was rude at the last two reunions, an apology will do. For the second one (the one who the threads here are about) the matter is not so simple. He has often, over the period of our relationship, shut off contact, usually based upon some spurious grievance and then reappeared as if nothing happened.
Should I accept that for what would now be the fifth or sixth such time?
Omigod -- you are NOT in high school any more!! In fact, you are the same age I am, I just had my 40th reunion in August. You are obviously someone who gets butt-hurt when your feelings are hurt, and can't just say, "Well, this person has moved into the 'well-known acquaintance' category for now . . . " and move on with your life; instead, you take each hurt and mull it over and marinate in it until it blows up beyond all help.
People are people. Really, are there only 4 people going to this reunion? If there's more than 50 people, it should be relatively easy to not spend a great deal of time with one of them. You wander around, talk to people, find out what they've been doing, what they're thinking about doing in retirement, let 'em talk about their families . . . you know, chit-chat.
So -- go to the reunion if you want to see people you went to high school with. If you don't want to, DON'T GO. But I sure as hell wouldn't allow my feelings about one or two people color what could be a fun evening reconnecting with people that you spent four years with, day in and day out.
Basically, you'll have about as much fun as you want to -- either you're going to go and glare at the miscreants who have treated you lightly, or you can ignore them politely past a casual "Hey, how are you?" as you move past them to chat with another person.
Honestly -- this sounds lke you just graduated two years ago, instead of 40!!
...either you're going to go and glare at the miscreants who have treated you lightly, or you can ignore them politely past a casual "Hey, how are you?" as you move past them to chat with another person.
Honestly -- this sounds lke you just graduated two years ago, instead of 40!!
To repeat, the issue on which I seek advice is if one or both of the people who you call "miscreants" (your label, not mine) try to make casual or deep conversation as if nothing happened, do I play the role of the phony?
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