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Old 10-10-2015, 06:19 AM
 
1,314 posts, read 2,053,703 times
Reputation: 1995

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I'm surprised by all the people who feel children owe their parents for simply being alive, raised and cared for. None of us asked to be here. I am of the opinion that my children owe me nothing, but I owe them everything - I alone made the choice to bring them into this world. They didn't really have any say in the matter.

My mother and stepfather always used to sneeringly refer to "my tab." You want dinner? We'll just put it on your tab! I say "used to" because I don't speak to them anymore. They also wouldn't help me when I was in a dire situation in my early 20s, but came to me for money and help many times later in my adulthood. They never once paid me back. Hope the OP proceeds with caution.
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Old 10-10-2015, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,975 posts, read 16,454,913 times
Reputation: 4586
Not that this is likely real, but don't help them. They didn't help you when you were more reasonably in need than they are now. Based on your (supposed) age, it's highly doubtful they're elderly.
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Old 10-11-2015, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 21,964,746 times
Reputation: 15773
I believe the OP has long left this thread.

aside: it's not a matter of spite, it should be a matter of trust
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Old 10-16-2015, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,383 posts, read 6,271,884 times
Reputation: 9916
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelenogirl View Post
I'm surprised by all the people who feel children owe their parents for simply being alive, raised and cared for. None of us asked to be here. I am of the opinion that my children owe me nothing, but I owe them everything - I alone made the choice to bring them into this world. They didn't really have any say in the matter.

My mother and stepfather always used to sneeringly refer to "my tab." You want dinner? We'll just put it on your tab! I say "used to" because I don't speak to them anymore. They also wouldn't help me when I was in a dire situation in my early 20s, but came to me for money and help many times later in my adulthood. They never once paid me back. Hope the OP proceeds with caution.
Welcome to the club!

Sadly, a lot of parents feel that way. But then again, it is not nearly so common that the majority of people still dont act like you are a a pariah for cutting off your family to literally save yourself.

My family owes me in total over 60k. We even had a contract for it. When it came to pay, they literally said, "FUUCK YOU." They thought for some reason I just owed them this. Extended family too. Clearly not the arrangement we had. I'm not so detached from reality as to think I owe people for 20+ years of abuse. Yet I am missing about a year's worth of salary that I will never get back. IOW, i basically worked for them for over a year for nothing.

Like you, I never asked to be born and my mom made it clear when I was 5yo that she didn't want me. I'm a semi-high achiever, but like most people, especially those of us born into abusive environments, I won't be "curing cancer or AIDS" like the pro-life billboards mock.
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Old 10-16-2015, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,383 posts, read 6,271,884 times
Reputation: 9916
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
I believe the OP has long left this thread.

aside: it's not a matter of spite, it should be a matter of trust
I will not deny that my answer is probably jaded. Yet it is not "spiteful."

When people betray your trust over and over, you would be foolish to keep trusting them.
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Old 10-16-2015, 06:36 PM
 
Location: North West Arkansas (zone 6b)
2,776 posts, read 3,245,614 times
Reputation: 3912
This is a tough one.

The way they treated you could be directly responsible with your current success and perhaps their tough love was a major factor in where you've gone in life.

As a parent, I could never let my child go through a situation like that without some kind of support and if the money was tight, I would find a way of helping out.

I've seen/heard of parents doing this kind of treatment for their children at my kid's school so don't feel like you're the only one that this happened to.

Understand that as your parents age, the earning potential will continually drop and they don't realize it yet, but they need to find another solution to their debt crisis besides getting a loan from you to payoff the mortgage.

Tough love might work both ways.
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Old 10-19-2015, 12:55 PM
 
3,137 posts, read 2,705,919 times
Reputation: 6097
I personally would NOT give them money.

Only help those who have helped you.
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Old 10-20-2015, 12:28 PM
 
29,509 posts, read 22,627,074 times
Reputation: 48214
Karma and payback's a b**tch.
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Old 10-20-2015, 12:43 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,364,716 times
Reputation: 43059
Quote:
Originally Posted by gunslinger256 View Post
This is a tough one.

The way they treated you could be directly responsible with your current success and perhaps their tough love was a major factor in where you've gone in life.

As a parent, I could never let my child go through a situation like that without some kind of support and if the money was tight, I would find a way of helping out.

I've seen/heard of parents doing this kind of treatment for their children at my kid's school so don't feel like you're the only one that this happened to.

Understand that as your parents age, the earning potential will continually drop and they don't realize it yet, but they need to find another solution to their debt crisis besides getting a loan from you to payoff the mortgage.

Tough love might work both ways.
I think this is probably the most rational and even-handed assessment on this thread.
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Old 10-21-2015, 01:41 PM
 
194 posts, read 237,831 times
Reputation: 278
I did not read through all of the responses, but the ones about "how good did they take care of you, raising a child is not easy" UHHH... they chose to have this child, therefore, not his responsibility to make sure his own parents took good care of him, it's kind a given. Such a wild response.

My mother's husband had an affair many years ago when I was still close to her. Me and my then fiance offered to help her in any way we could, even if that meant loaning her money, or whatever, when she was thinking of divorce. They did not, and worked through it. Years down the road my husband and I lost our home, my mom and her husband are very well off, never offered to help us. I suppose it's because they "provided for me" when I was not able to provide for myself as a child.... SMH

At the time OP, I would have done anything to help her. Now it's different. You have to do what is right with you. Go with your gut as they say.
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