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I knew all of my grandparents. I went to both sides' 50th wedding anniversaries. This is just to frame my point of view. I was asked to substitute teach for a teacher who was going out for six weeks for surgery. I did not know the students. I learned from the students that some of them were in foster homes. Some had single parents. And the majority did not have contact with two parents. This was a big surprise to me.
One of the units during those six weeks required the student to interview his grandparents. I became the surrogate grandparent for several of those kids. The class also studied the Revolutionary War during that time. When I was done with that six weeks I gave each student a pocket copy of the Constitution.
Six years later those students invited me to their high school graduation. They had those pocket Constitutions with them. I was astonished that they remembered. I was honored. One person can make a huge difference in a child's life. It does not need to be a relative. It is best if it is a relative, but kids need stable adults to be mentors. Try it. You do not need to join a program like Big Brother. There are far more kids that need mentors than there are organization members to serve.
Last edited by Northern Maine Land Man; 10-25-2015 at 08:01 PM..
I had grandparents that lived the other side of the country. I didn't really know them. Same with my aunts and uncles. I have always envied those who have family nearby. However it can be a blessing or a curse.
I knew all of my grandparents. I went to both sides' 50th wedding anniversaries. This is just to frame my point of view. I was asked to substitute teach for a teacher who was going out for six weeks for surgery. I did not know the students. I learned from the students that some of them were in foster homes. Some had single parents. And the majority did not have contact with two parents. This was a big surprise to me.
One of the units during those six weeks required the student to interview his grandparents. I became the surrogate grandparent for several of those kids. The class also studied the Revolutionary War during that time. When I was done with that six weeks I gave each student a pocket copy of the Constitution.
Six years later those students invited me to their high school graduation. They had those pocket Constitutions with them. I was astonished that they remembered. I was honored. One person can make a huge difference in a child's life. It does not need to be a relative. It is best if it is a relative, but kids need stable adults to be mentors. Try it. You do not need to join a program like Big Brother. There are far more kids that need mentors than there are organization members to serve.
That's really cute. I grew up without meeting 2 of my grandparents and only seeing the others 3 times that I can remember. Maybe that's why I like old people so much. There was something missing. Sometimes I see an old person and I wish they were my family and I could spend time with them
Somebody reped me and called me a "mensch". I had to Google it. Never heard the word before. Thank you. Our church made me a deacon last year, much to my surprise. It seems I qualify under Titus nd first Timothy.
How do you know you would have had a 'doting' grandparent? Grandparents are people too. I think you are romanticizing the concept.
One of my grandfathers was severely disabled and died before I was born. My grandmother was sad, tired, and awkward with children. she became more interested in us when we graduated from college, but I would never describe her as doting.
My other grandfather was entertaining and we adored him, until we started to see what a grumpy old drunk he could be when he was not given the spotlight. He played favorites which became more apparent to us as we aged. My grandmother was bipolar and abused my mother, she died when I was 1 so I never knew her. Not sorry about not having her in my life,s she was a horrible person. My step-grandmother was a very cool lady who did not dote on us but treated us like people...with respect and good humor. She gave our family a sense of normalcy that we would have otherwise lacked.
I did have some loving great aunts and uncles who doted on us. Some of them had no children of their own. So that was like a family bonus. but they are all long dead and gone.
So those of us who did have grandparents eventually do not have grandparents, because they pass away.
You are self aware enough to recognize that you have low self esteem, so you are self aware enough to find other ways to build that within yourself. There are lots of ways to build self esteem.
I suggest you build your own 'family' with people you care about, and not fret about the blood relatives you were not gifted with.
And do you think it affected you? I know I've struggled with low self-esteem my whole life, and I wonder if having a doting grandparent might have assauged some of that.
Thanks.
I remember 2 out of my 4 grandparents as the other two passed away when I was an infant. They did love me a lot & also I grew in a big joint family so I had many uncles, aunts, cousins & siblings of grandparents. There were quite a few good role models in my life but I still suffer from low self-esteem. Your parents have a direct impact on that & several other cultural factors can play a role as well. So its difficult to isolate just one reason for low self-esteem. Its a combination of parenting, society, your childhood experiences, friends, movies, tv shows, cartoons......
A lot depends on you as well. Are you a positive or negative person, how is your overall health, finances, love life, education, etc. My culture focused a lot on education but not personal development or confidence. Intimidation, harassment, beating, ridicule by parents was common growing up. We didn't have much money either so we couldn't afford good clothes or toys to make me happy either. I did very well in school & have a good job because my parents pushed me towards the right direction but I still struggle with very low self-esteem. I have to work very hard on myself but some of the damage is irreversible. I am grateful to them for giving me good education so that I can be independent & work on any issues on my own.
Last edited by theluckygal; 10-26-2015 at 08:10 AM..
I don't think not having grand parents has contributed to your low self esteem RmT. That's kind of like blaming your parents when you're a total screw up and need an excuse to be dysfunctional. I never had a family life. My mothers father was a drunk and remarried after my mothers mother died when my mother was young. The step mother didn't want my mother around so she was raised by grandparents. My mother was ill equipped to raise a child and treated me like she was treated. An unwanted step child. Her father died from drinking and smoking when I was very young and I don't remember much about him. I tried to accept his wife as my grandmother but she was not receptive preferring her biological grand kids instead. One died of a drug overdose in his 20's and the grand daughter liked to kill animals. Yikes. My fathers father died when he was a baby in a car accident. He was an only child and raised by an aunt and his mother. She was nice to us but very sick from emphysema and died when I was young. We never had a close relationship because my mother didn't really want her around. My father was also ill equipped to be a parent. When you have two profoundly flawed dysfunctional people who really only want a male child raising you it's difficult to find a way to attach to people and have some kind of family life. It was more like trying to survive them until I could escape. Do I miss having a family? Yes, but I've found a way to create my own family. I have a very close relationship with 13 kids and their children as well. My youngest one is 8 and his sister and two other girls spend the night with us every month. They are a constant source of love and joy. I have 9 "brothers" and 9 "sisters" that love me and I love back with all of my heart. They are not biological but "family" non the less. I don't know why I never developed a low self esteem. I was unloved and unwanted by my own parents. I always thought that it was terribly unfair that they made me yet didn't value me. Your low self esteem is no ones fault Rosemary. The answer lies within you. It's not what life deals you that matters. It's how you handle it that does matter. I have an amazing life but no one gave it to me. I made it that way and you can too. Find a way to deal with your negative emotions and change them.
My grandparents all lived 2000 miles away. I saw my maternal grandmother once a year, for a 5 day visit. I saw my paternal grandparents once every four years, for a two week visit. I met my maternal grandfather twice. So none of them played a major part in my life. I was sad when they died, but I was sad in an abstract way because I never really knew any of them.
My kids see my parents all the time. I thought it was important for my kids to have a relationship with their grandparents. My dad has early-onset Alzheimer's and my kids are dealing with slowly losing their beloved grandpa at a very young age. It's hard for them and it's not something I had to go through because I never knew my grandparents well at all.
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