I need a nice way to say this

[cindersslipper]

I had a friend who used to stick her fingers in her ears and chant "rainbows and butterflies" over and over again until the TMI stopped.

You could try that. It's very distracting.

[animalcrazy]

Mattie if you have been friends with her for a long time then you know her at her best and at her worst. The fact that you feel disloyal towards her deceased spouse has me puzzled? We have a friend on his second divorce that has a new love interest. We will embrace her as we did his two previous spouses. We are still friends with his previous spouses as well. It's not our place to tell him how to live his life. If your friend is too graphic about the details of her physical life then you should be able to tell her in an honest and kind way that you're not interested and change the subject. True friends can talk about anything good or bad and still have mutual respect and love for each other. Try to find a way to be happy for your friend. She's lucky to have found someone again. A lot of people go through a lonely life after the loss of a spouse and the odds of finding someone that you can connect to later in life are greatly decreased. These things work on their own time line as well. You may see it as too soon after the loss of her spouse and your friend but it works for her and that's all that should matter. Sorry dear one but it's your problem, not hers.

[gentlearts]

I would cut her some slack, and change the subject. Friends do this for each other. She is feeling her way after losing her husband, and you are feeling your way after losing a friend. You can take it.
As others have said though, you can tell her that it is hard on you when she talks about things that make you uncomfortable. Friendship goes both ways.

[carnivalday]

Why bring up her prior marriage at all? I know I dont like hearing intimate details, I dont care who it is. Why not just say, hey, Im really glad you're happy now, but I really dont need to hear all the personal details. It really makes me feel icky.

Hopefully she will respect that and stop with the sordid details.

[cindersslipper]

OP youre clearly grieving for your friends husband.

Her behavior is painful to you.

I get that.

Maybe avoid her for a while, give yourself a chance to get over your loss before trying to celebrate her newly found love life.

It's a big ask even without that complicating factor of grief. Listening to other People's sex lives that is. And its not considered polite even.

Avoid her for a while. Give yourself a break, her too. You're both in different stages of grief but you will end up in the same place - be aware Unusual Behaviour may be a sign of grief.

[Mattie]

I don't want to avoid her. Fortunately, (but it took 2 times) the hands slapped over my ears and a "lalala" chant got the point across without upsetting anyone. At one point, another woman said "Well I want to hear about it!". But once it got a bit graphic, she did the same hands over ears I did.

We're all still friends!

[cindersslipper]

Originally Posted by Mattie

I don't want to avoid her. Fortunately, (but it took 2 times) the hands slapped over my ears and a "lalala" chant got the point across without upsetting anyone. At one point, another woman said "Well I want to hear about it!". But once it got a bit graphic, she did the same hands over ears I did.

We're all still friends!

Yeah lol. Sometimes the juvenile approach is the best amongst friends!

Rainbows and Butterflies became code for - Quit Now TMI, in my group. Just the words were enough eventually. But she had to do the chant a few times before everyone got it.