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Old 11-15-2015, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Virginia
6,203 posts, read 3,559,905 times
Reputation: 8914

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MckinneyOwnr View Post
This explains why your friends are not happy for you... You are the youngest, but the first to be engaged. It wasn't "your turn" to get engaged. I know that sounds stupid (and it is) but that is a very real aspect of friendships with groups of women in your age bracket. I've seen/heard about it so many times among my circle of friends, it's extremely petty behavior, but it's pretty common too.

You sound like you are happy, your fiance sounds like he has changed for the better (and speaking as a guy), sometimes, it really does just kind of click when you are ready to settle down and get married and you realize that all the things you used to fight about were pretty insignificant.

At your age, you can certainly be ready to be engaged, in fact, I think late 20's for a woman and early/mid 30's for a man is about ideal. I think your friends are just a bit jealous that you are first, and it has very little to do with your history with your fiance.
^^^ No. Sexist and out-of-touch comment from someone who's not even female. Nothing in the OP's post supports this.

I agree with the others who say a couple of friends being discouraging is one thing but when your five closest friends feel this way it's a little weird...I'd just be honest and say you're kind of hurt that they're not happy for you.
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:14 AM
 
2,334 posts, read 2,632,628 times
Reputation: 3931
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigo Cardinal View Post
If nobody around you is happy for you.....odds are good they've got a damn good reason. It'd be to your best interest to find out exactly why before you say "I do."
^^^ This. I have to say I agree. That was my initial hunch after reading the original post.

I know this is an exciting time, but why the rush? I should have lived with my husband before I married him, but I didn't. I got similar responses from my friends when I told them I was marrying. He didn't do anything "wrong"; we just weren't as right for each other as we thought, and they could see or pick up what I couldn't or wouldn't. I was 27 at the time, as well.

If their reaction really doesn't bother you on some level (and you don't want validation), why post here to ask us? Just think about it. I wish you all the best.
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Old 11-16-2015, 06:53 AM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,242 posts, read 12,824,044 times
Reputation: 54012
Quote:
Originally Posted by mic111 View Post
Sometimes your friends know something you don't. Like he hit on one of them or they have seen him out with another woman. They may discuss it among themselves but be afraid to tell you. Corner them one by one and see what the issue is.
Good point.

However, has there ever been a moment in the history of time where an engaged woman was willing to give up her fairy tale wedding because of something a few people said?
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Old 11-16-2015, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 12,629,704 times
Reputation: 9547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigo Cardinal View Post
If nobody around you is happy for you.....odds are good they've got a damn good reason. It'd be to your best interest to find out exactly why before you say "I do."
I agree with this. When you are in the thick of it, madly in love, just engaged, planning a future together, and a wedding, sometimes you just are blind to the red flags your friends and family see. Love can blind us to things that otherwise would be of concern. It'd be in your best interest to talk to your friends and family and listen to them without getting defensive or angry. Remember they will be the ones there to pick you up should this fairy tale not turn out to be a happily ever after. Best wishes.
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Old 11-16-2015, 09:04 AM
 
Location: california
920 posts, read 924,082 times
Reputation: 1077
Madly in love? They didn't just break up a little over a year ago, they had no contact for 3 months.

Sorry but if this is the one, this is not the norm to stay apart that long.

Nor is it the norm to have so many friends be this concerned

Not saying the marriagecan't be successful, but it really hurts the heart to not see your loved one for 90+ days.

These I find more to correlate with a future unsuccessful marriage, than a successful marriage
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Old 11-16-2015, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Flahrida
6,276 posts, read 4,777,683 times
Reputation: 7413
There are 2 schools of thought on this. First your friends are envious of you and it makes them uncomfortable that you are getting married and it forces them to take a look at themselves and their unhappiness and examine why they are not engaged since you are the youngest of the group. The second is that your friends see him more objectively than you do and are genuinely concerned for your happiness. When all five of your friends are not happy its something to think about and I would sit down with them individually and ask them what their concerns are instead of trying to guess. Ultimately its your life and your decision and I wish you the best.
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Old 11-16-2015, 11:36 AM
 
493 posts, read 508,605 times
Reputation: 506
I can't say your friends are wrong. When you say bad things about your partner you can't expect friends and family just to warm up and love him. If no one is happy then you probably should think things over.
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Old 11-16-2015, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,515,918 times
Reputation: 28452
Sounds like it's time for some new friends!


Congratulations on your engagement!
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Old 11-16-2015, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,515,918 times
Reputation: 28452
Quote:
Originally Posted by tht1guy View Post
you should've WWAAIITTEEDDD!! This is what im talking about American women are too tied down!!!! your only in your 20's whats the rush! there are dozens of guys out there! go for it get lost have fun!
Yes, the land of STD's sounds like tons of fun! NOT! Surprisingly, many women don't enjoy sleeping around. Many don't enjoy going to bars or clubs. Many don't enjoy hooking up.

I got married at 21 and have not regretted it at all. I've been married for 19 years. We don't have children and never planned on any so we didn't get married to have kids or anything like that.
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Prosper
6,255 posts, read 16,987,499 times
Reputation: 9501
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaphawoman View Post
^^^ No. Sexist and out-of-touch comment from someone who's not even female. Nothing in the OP's post supports this.

I agree with the others who say a couple of friends being discouraging is one thing but when your five closest friends feel this way it's a little weird...I'd just be honest and say you're kind of hurt that they're not happy for you.
LOL My post was spot on... If you've never seen or experienced behavior like that I guess we'll just chalk it up to your lack of experience and relationships.
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