Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thank You everyone for your replies. I think I just needed validation that this friendship is over. I think what is still bothering me is that she is posting on facebook that she can't wait to move to Michigan and is still either blissfully unaware that she has upset both myself and DH or she really doesn't care and thinks it will be all OK once she is here.
I've had my reality check now its time for hers
Well she can be thrilled about moving back to Michigan, just not in with you.
You said in your OP "good friend", I wonder what you consider a good friend. You met her in Alaska you said, how long did you know here there?
How did you meet her in Alaska?
I find many people throw the word "friend" around when the proper word is "acquaintance".
Her moving back to Michigan has nothing to do with you. Unless you have given her permission to stay, she's not going to stay with you. If she asks, just say that "it's not possible". There are motels and she can certainly stay in one. Just because you once were friends doesn't obligate you to let her stay. If you have not offered her a place to stay, JUST SAY NO if she asks. If she gets huffy, tell her that you are not comfortable with her behavior in your home, and so she needs to MAKE OTHER ARRANGEMENTS.
People like this need to be told upfront that they've way overstepped their bounds, did not live up to their promise last time they stayed, and therefore have worn out their welcome, end of story. The only language they understand is direct language, and even then, some don't get it.
You'll lose nothing if you offend her, so I wouldn't worry about that. Just be firm.
One thing doesn't make sense in the story. She drank like a fish while awaiting Hep C treatment? Whaaaaa???? If that's true, it sounds like she's on a suicide mission.
The saying, "First Time Shame On You - Second Time Shame On Me" truly applies to the OP's predicament. The OP appears to be a very caring person who was taken advantage of by a non-caring individual.
There are people who take kindness as a weakness and this so-called friend is quite obviously of that mindset.
I'm not the OP; however, if it were me, my response to the parasite would be something like: "We're not able to give you housing, and best of luck on your relocation".
I would stay away from her Facebook page and unfriend her on mine. . . plus if she called, I'd block her number. . . I would have no need for a person like her in my life.
Get ready to bolt the door when she arrives in your neck of the woods. She'll likely show up on your doorstep. Unannounced. Drunk. Demanding to be let in because you "promised". No you didn't. Get ready to get ruthlessly, unemotionally, and bluntly cold about it. That may even involve a call to the police. If that's what needs done, well then you just do it.
Don't over think this, don't dance around it. Don't worry about Facebook or other social media. You and she are done, friendship is over. It doesn't require an explanation. It's just "no".
Agree completely. No need for an explanation. Just no.
I have a problem, a friend that has overstepped boundaries and seems blissfully unaware of the chaos she has caused.
Brief backhistory
Good friend I met in Alaska, she is originally from Michigan so when we moved to Michigan she asked if she could visit. This normally mild 60 something stayed for two weeks, she smoked (I had never seen her do this before) and got drunk almost every night and stayed up until the small hours (4-5am most nights) So totally out of character for her it threw me somewhat.
This year she asked if she could once again visit so I said that as shes awaiting treatment for Hep C she could on the condition that she cut the smoking and drinking and tried to at least go to bed at night as last year she disrupted my husbands sleep and he was working. She said of course no problem
She turned up, smoked like a trooper started drinking halfway through the afternoon, was rolling drunk most nights but at least she did sleep ... well that is she was passed out by midnight most nights. I sat and talked to her about it and she declared that she wasn't a teenager and didn't expect to be treated as one.
She left on something of a sour note and we have not spoken much since.
She has decided she wants to move back to Michigan next year and seems to have decided that she could move in with us while she looks for somewhere to rent. Understandably hubby says NO, honestly I also can't see this working and really I don't want the drama.
She is playing the "when friends aren't friends" card on facebook which doesn't bother me as we don't have many mutual contacts.
How do I get it through to her that we can't let her move in and that we feel our hospitality has been abused and that the friendship is well .... over ?
Tell her point blank and give specific examples of her behavior. Don't be emotional or dramatic; just enumerate the ways she overstepped and caused grief to you and your household. And don't relent. You can put this into an email and keep a copy. Work on it to make sure it is accurate, and not emotional or dramatic. Then when you've thought about it for a day, send it.
RE: Hepatitis C, she was in line for treatment but had to be sober for 6 months prior. Her insurance company wasn't going to cover all of the cost so her Dr. found a charity who would help with the rest.
With this in mind she did indeed visit in July get drunk for 13 consecutive days, she drank bottles of wine, a large bottle of bacardi gold, all of my liquor you name it it was gone when she left.
She then went home and LIED to her doctor and started treatment on the 15th October.
I am furious that she lied and that she is being given financial help from a charity that could have helped someone who was in much greater need.
As for how long we were friends .... 5 years in Alaska 2 years here. We hit it off as we (used to) have lots in common, we do the same crafts etc.
I don't think this woman can take a hint, so I would be sure to call/email/text her to let her know that you and your dh have decided that she absolutely cannot stay with you even for a day. Ever. Again. And further, that based on the previous visits you just don't think that there is any basis left for your friendship. Wish her all the best and let her know that you don't expect to hear from her again. If she does show up on your doorstep, treat her like a stranger. Don't let her in. Ask her to leave.
I have a problem, a friend that has overstepped boundaries and seems blissfully unaware of the chaos she has caused.
Brief backhistory
Good friend I met in Alaska, she is originally from Michigan so when we moved to Michigan she asked if she could visit. This normally mild 60 something stayed for two weeks, she smoked (I had never seen her do this before) and got drunk almost every night and stayed up until the small hours (4-5am most nights) So totally out of character for her it threw me somewhat.
This year she asked if she could once again visit so I said that as shes awaiting treatment for Hep C she could on the condition that she cut the smoking and drinking and tried to at least go to bed at night as last year she disrupted my husbands sleep and he was working. She said of course no problem
She turned up, smoked like a trooper started drinking halfway through the afternoon, was rolling drunk most nights but at least she did sleep ... well that is she was passed out by midnight most nights. I sat and talked to her about it and she declared that she wasn't a teenager and didn't expect to be treated as one.
She left on something of a sour note and we have not spoken much since.
She has decided she wants to move back to Michigan next year and seems to have decided that she could move in with us while she looks for somewhere to rent. Understandably hubby says NO, honestly I also can't see this working and really I don't want the drama.
She is playing the "when friends aren't friends" card on facebook which doesn't bother me as we don't have many mutual contacts.
How do I get it through to her that we can't let her move in and that we feel our hospitality has been abused and that the friendship is well .... over ?
Just put this on Facebook with a little twist in the mood - make it lighter, more humorous, and conclude with something like "Thank you my friend for showing me a way of living I could have if I knew you longer!"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
