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My point was that there is a shortage of black men compared to black women, so if you are a black man who truly wanted a black woman, I don't believe you'd have a problem finding one. However, when you see the statistics that black women are the least likely to marry, clearly we are having problems finding suitable partners.
Okay.. I have to admit I don't care for statistics and tend to take them with a grain of salt. I believe that beliefs create reality, and that those who feel limited by these stats or internalize other women's experience to be their own will find that this is their reality. In many blacks there are some conflicting mentalities and beliefs which don't serve them, and this pertains to dating as well. I'm not one of those blacks, and I don't care about stats, nor do I associate with women who seem to have beliefs and experiences that are limiting. Out of the black women im close with, 90% are married, and beyond one, they are all married to black men.
This doesn't negate that black women elsewhere, have different experiences, but I choose to surround myself by people that love who they are and that are positive.
That being said, what I've observed from this site and other mostly white sites, is that there is no shortage of blacks professing their love for whites(the women and the men) and they refuse to date other blacks, let alone marry them. Ive observed that a lot of this is due to conditioning, and that as a part of this conditioning since blacks look the furthest from whites, blacks are made to feel like they aren't beautiful, that they aren't deserving of the very same things whites have, that there is mainly negativity in blackness--such as our hair, skin tone, features, culture, to the point where you have black men mocking black women and placing white women on a pedestal, and black women bashing black men--all because a lot of us in some way feel inferior. Since many of us believe our blackness makes us inferior, we don't love ourselves, so we internalize all the negative things we've been fed about our blackness which lends to how we see fellow blacks, and blacks of the opposite gender(for many we see one another unfavorably) this also factors into the decisions that we make, and the experiences we have(positive and negative) in the course of our lives.
There are many self-hating black men in this generation that are lost and many self-hating black women that are lost--in fact theres a large portion of lost blacks seeking validation in other sources(which is a completely different seperate topic) as well as seeking validation from whites or those closest to whites. So I suppose it makes sense then that lost people are less likely to find each other and get married, and are less likely to find the direction needed to progress. This also could be why black women have it harder than other groups, like white women with how we physically look, and dating, and why black men arent doing as well economically/career/education as their white counterparts making some of them unsuitable partners for their counterparts.
Personally I think that women that truly want to get married will be open to marriage and won't limit themselves to anything but marriage minded men, no matter the color... For some means they will marry a non-bm, for others they will still go on to marry a black man.
Still, this doesn't mean that because someone is open to other men/women that they should look at those within their ethnicity unfavorably. It's strange to me.
I am proud to be Black, I do not covet "white" features for myself it would be for a partner, there is a difference.
She doesn't understand how you can like your own black features but not be attracted to black women. Personally, I don't think it's hard to believe. Black men are perceived as being "suave", "sexy", "masculine", etc. so some may see themselves in a different light than they see black women. I think Faith is thinking of it from the perspective that "black is black" but not everyone sees it that way. Unity is lacking between black men and black women.
I am proud to be black, but I don't see how that equates to liking Black Girls or Asian girls or Hispanic girls etc. I wouldn't say I am conditioned to find white girls more preferable, its just what I like, on the same token would you say I was "Conditioned" to not want kids, marriage or Co-habitate?
It is absolutely "conditioning." All of it. You can recognize that, break out of it and make your own choices. Or you can just go along with the programming.
But you can't break out of bondage if you don't even recognize you're in it.
She doesn't understand how you can like your own black features but not be attracted to black women. Personally, I don't think it's hard to believe. Black men are perceived as being "suave", "sexy", "masculine", etc. so some may see themselves in a different light than they see black women. I think Faith is thinking of it from the perspective that "black is black" but not everyone sees it that way. Unity is lacking between black men and black women.
As a photographer, I see loveliness in all races of men and women, and I generally prefer to see them as natural as possible. That is to say, for instance, that blonde hair always looks less attractive to me on black or Asian women. OTOH, there are some characteristics that look good to me on any women: Fuller lips and rounder derrieres, for instance. I've never seen a woman who would look better with skinny lips and a flat butt.
Photographically, no skin tone photographs as beautifully as dark, dark, dark skin tones. That's a secret even white photographers know, whether they will admit it or not. A camera, a window, and Lupita are photography heaven.
But if Lupita walked past me, my head would swivel and I'd say, "What a gorgeous woman!" If Scarlett Johansson walked past me, my head would swivel just as fast and I'd say just as heartily, "What a gorgeous woman!"
The problem--and this is the social conditioning of the West--is that no one set of features is "objectively" more beautiful than another. We can all free our minds to see that there are beautiful women with curly hair, black skin, and full features all around us. But first we have to realize that our minds are in bondage, if we have not deliberately made them free.
Black women are just as vulnerable to this conditioning as black men, and it so sad because in their case it's their own skin they dislike.
An interesting aside: I've noted that white men who choose black women tend not to care. Once they get over the basic race issue itself, skin tone seems to be irrelevant (from their perspective, all black women are "dark"). A white man who is hung up on skin tone will just stick to white women.
She doesn't understand how you can like your own black features but not be attracted to black women. Personally, I don't think it's hard to believe. Black men are perceived as being "suave", "sexy", "masculine", etc. so some may see themselves in a different light than they see black women. I think Faith is thinking of it from the perspective that "black is black" but not everyone sees it that way. Unity is lacking between black men and black women.
Oh I understand it--those bm that operate that way have issues. I am bisexual. I find white women attractive and black women attractive too. In fact I am more attracted to white women than I am white men. Still I am attracted to and see sexy black females with bodies that got me licking my lips.
And these black women often look nothing like the white women I also find attractive.
So while I get how a bm can see himself positively because of the d*** stereotype and swagger associated with them and overlook black women--who are seen as having nappy hair, bad attitudes, and masculine features- in the process, I don't get how these men can overlook the beautiful sexy black women that are amongst us all. Especially as you get up there in age and open your mind.
In the past I dated many bm that professed their love for ww, and rejected bw, and tell me why when they saw me they couldn't help but holler. Or when white girls tried to get their attention while they were out with me, these same bm paid these women no mind? Why, because they saw an attractive black woman and that ish went right out the window once they saw a green light indicating they had a chance.
But I digress. If Jim believes he's black and proud while he's professing his preference for white women which have features that he finds more attractive, then who am I to stop him.
I do, btw, agree with your last line-we are not united and that was the oppressors intention when we were first brought to this country. The issue now, is that we remain divided even when there are more opportunities than ever to unite and progress. It's sad but people still professing the "white is better or more preferable" imo contribute to the division.
She doesn't understand how you can like your own black features but not be attracted to black women. Personally, I don't think it's hard to believe. Black men are perceived as being "suave", "sexy", "masculine", etc. so some may see themselves in a different light than they see black women. I think Faith is thinking of it from the perspective that "black is black" but not everyone sees it that way. Unity is lacking between black men and black women.
Well Said, thank you for pointing out the two are not mutually exclusive.
As a photographer, I see loveliness in all races of men and women, and I generally prefer to see them as natural as possible. That is to say, for instance, that blonde hair always looks less attractive to me on black or Asian women. OTOH, there are some characteristics that look good to me on any women: Fuller lips and rounder derrieres, for instance. I've never seen a woman who would look better with skinny lips and a flat butt.
Photographically, no skin tone photographs as beautifully as dark, dark, dark skin tones. That's a secret even white photographers know, whether they will admit it or not. A camera, a window, and Lupita are photography heaven.
But if Lupita walked past me, my head would swivel and I'd say, "What a gorgeous woman!" If Scarlett Johansson walked past me, my head would swivel just as fast and I'd say just as heartily, "What a gorgeous woman!"
The problem--and this is the social conditioning of the West--is that no one set of features is "objectively" more beautiful than another. We can all free our minds to see that there are beautiful women with curly hair, black skin, and full features all around us. But first we have to realize that our minds are in bondage, if we have not deliberately made them free.
Black women are just as vulnerable to this conditioning as black men, and it so sad because in their case it's their own skin they dislike.
An interesting aside: I've noted that white men who choose black women tend not to care. Once they get over the basic race issue itself, skin tone seems to be irrelevant (from their perspective, all black women are "dark"). A white man who is hung up on skin tone will just stick to white women.
Oh I understand it--those bm that operate that way have issues. I am bisexual. I find white women attractive and black women attractive too. In fact I am more attracted to white women than I am white men. Still I am attracted to and see sexy black females with bodies that got me licking my lips.
And these black women often look nothing like the white women I also find attractive.
So while I get how a bm can see himself positively because of the d*** stereotype and swagger associated with them and overlook black women--who are seen as having nappy hair, bad attitudes, and masculine features- in the process, I don't get how these men can overlook the beautiful sexy black women that are amongst us all. Especially as you get up there in age and open your mind.
In the past I dated many bm that professed their love for ww, and rejected bw, and tell me why when they saw me they couldn't help but holler. Or when white girls tried to get their attention while they were out with me, these same bm paid these women no mind? Why, because they saw an attractive black woman and that ish went right out the window once they saw a green light indicating they had a chance.
But I digress. If Jim believes he's black and proud while he's professing his preference for white women which have features that he finds more attractive, then who am I to stop him.
I do, btw, agree with your last line-we are not united and that was the oppressors intention when we were first brought to this country. The issue now, is that we remain divided even when there are more opportunities than ever to unite and progress. It's sad but people still professing the "white is better or more preferable" imo contribute to the division.
But it would be especially strange if I did not find people from my ethnicity attractive--when i share similar features--yet shout that despite not finding my features attractive, I love how I look and love being black. Foh.
Well, what about if the black people you find attractive are only half-black? I've never been attracted to a guy who was fully black.
I just can't help but associate unambiguously black features with the feminine. Maybe it's because I'm a woman and I have them?
Being attracted to Jesse Williams doesn't count. lol I think he's gorgeous too.
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