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nope, suck it up, if i have to do it, so do you, its just a couple hours, beside they think of you enough to invite you.
I think so too. Surely you can come up with some safe topics for dinner conversation and steer the discussion to less angst ridden topics OP, especially since you know in advance it might be an issue. Your conversations so far seem to have been successfully kept at a superficial level.
Talk about the food, talk about the weather, and just refuse to be drawn into anything deeper. I can't imagine a more miserable way to spend the holiday than hiding in your room pretending to be sick. But you can always excuse yourself early due to a "headache" if necessary.
If a person rents out a room in a house, they are unlikely to have the disposable cash to rent a hotel room.
But more importantly, LYING stinks.
If it's going to cause problems with the living situation because the hosts are unreasonable, I see no reason why lying is so awful. If the alternative is possibly being kicked out, the hosts are being unreasonable.
I would personally attend the meal and be polite, but the OP does not want to do that. It's complicated when it's a tenant/landlord relationship.
In my experience, and I've attended a lot of Thanksgiving dinners, it isn't hard to keep the conversation focused on the reason for the day, on the food, on the many things for which to be thankful and current topics. It seems you're anticipating situations that may not ever happen.
Certainly your hosts know something about you; I can't imagine they would have rented you a room with only your name and your money as background.
What would you do if you were having dinner with people whose beliefs - religious, political, - you didn't know?
A couple of hours - Your stuffing tastes just like my Aunt Esmerelda's. These sweet potatoes are delicious. My Grandpa Harry always used to ask for the part that went over the fence last. Just because Aunt Esmerelda and Grandpa Harry are totally fiction doesn't make the conversation less interesting.
Perhaps buy a centerpiece of flowers for the table, offer to help with the clean-up, thank for the invitation to share their meal. Enjoy the company for the sincere intention behind it.
Hello, I live in a roommate situation and had previously said "yes" to my roommate's Thanksgiving (it will just be the people who live in the house - a lady (who owns the house) and two of her daughters. I moved in about two months ago. I really like the place and I am also getting an incredible deal on rent! I get along quite well with the daughters - there has not been any tense situations with them since the time that I moved in. My relationship with the older person (their mom) is sometimes strained (she is going through a difficult situation, recently divorced, etc., so she is sometimes stressed out) but I leave her alone and just give her her space. (Plus, I think I am an ideal tenant: I'm quiet (at least) !
Let me just be honest, I think one reason we have such a pleasant living environment is that we kind of all keep to ourselves! I keep it on the superficial - light conversation topics (the weather, etc.), etc. IT does the trick.
For two reason I do not want to attend their thanksgiving - their views on God. - I am worried that we could have quiet a strained relationship if we get on this topic (a previous tenant - who moved out about a month ago - got onto this topic with them, and it kind of ruined the relationship) I could write more on that, but I will just be vague.
Another reason - I don't really want them prying into my private life, my family (I am from a very disfunctional family - they living quite a distance away (I mean, I purposely moved away from them..) and I do not want them prying into it.
It would be a disaster if I attended their thanksgiving - they actually are a part of a religious movement that I USED TO be a part of - now I write an anonymous blog about my experiences within that movement, how dangerous it is, and how harmful this movement is to people's lives....I don't want to get onto that topic over Thanksgiving! (they do not know I write the blog) HELP! I found this place through craigslist and I really like living here though...
You could set boundaries for YOURSELF, what you are willing to talk about and not. Many people have no interest in talking about religion.
Easy enough to draw other people out and look for what you have in common instead of differences.
Jesus, people. Telling her to lie herself out of this? Part of being a mature adult is:
--knowing how to get along with people you disagree with (especially religion - it is no one's **** business)
--Keeping your word. You accepted the invitation. They're expecting you.
--Not lying.
--Not lumping people with similar demographics or psychographics into little tidy categories. ("I can hang out with Protestants, but Mennonites are off the table".)
--Knowing how to stay off topics you want to stay off of. Like another poster wrote, just explain you prefer not to discuss religion, politics, or the benefits of a mixed economy vs. planned economy, for heaven's sake.
OP, there is no way to weasel out of this one without causing friction or even confusion. You will look like a bigger ass who can't get along with people if you make up a lie (you could be found out) or if you hang out in your room (like someone with serious social difficulties. I mean, it is a holiday and it's once a year).
I have a severely dysfunctional family and I was abused severely. I have no contact with my family besides a couple cousins who got out slightly sane. And even them, only via Facebook. I used to think if people asked me about my family it was lying not to disclose a good bit of that. It took some healing to realize I could answer the questions without delving into the sorted history of my family. But I learned I could talk, even fondly, without ever lying. Maybe slight stretching, but not flat out lying.
What is your mother doing for thanksgiving? Doesn't she miss having you home?
No she is used to me not being able to make it. I think she is with her boyfriends family this year. I am sure she would be pleased I have such good company for the holiday.
How many siblings do you have?
Oh I have 4. 2 passed as children but the other two are living in Mississippi.
What were some of your favorite thanksgiving memories?
Well this is tricky. Because it surely isn't when your parents beat the crap out of each other each holiday. This is where you can white wash. Oh my mom made the best mashed potatoes. And she would always had me peel them. I loved helping her with that.
Honestly when I was early in recovery from abuse, I couldn't pull this off. But now I can so easily. It's easier then explaining the raw truth and I am not really lying. Also...after, ask the same question back. People love to talk about themselves.
Jesus, people. Telling her to lie herself out of this? Part of being a mature adult is:
--knowing how to get along with people you disagree with (especially religion - it is no one's **** business)
--Keeping your word. You accepted the invitation. They're expecting you.
--Not lying.
--Not lumping people with similar demographics or psychographics into little tidy categories. ("I can hang out with Protestants, but Mennonites are off the table".)
--Knowing how to stay off topics you want to stay off of. Like another poster wrote, just explain you prefer not to discuss religion, politics, or the benefits of a mixed economy vs. planned economy, for heaven's sake.
OP, there is no way to weasel out of this one without causing friction or even confusion. You will look like a bigger ass who can't get along with people if you make up a lie (you could be found out) or if you hang out in your room (like someone with serious social difficulties. I mean, it is a holiday and it's once a year).
I agree with the person who said go and keep the conversation light. There is no need to share anything personal about yourself that might be upsetting to either of you. Be polite and respectful, and enjoy yourself. I don't see any need for things to get personal, I think you might be surprised to find that they may be more laid back than you think.
Jesus, people. Telling her to lie herself out of this? Part of being a mature adult is:
--knowing how to get along with people you disagree with (especially religion - it is no one's **** business)
--Keeping your word. You accepted the invitation. They're expecting you.
--Not lying.
--Not lumping people with similar demographics or psychographics into little tidy categories. ("I can hang out with Protestants, but Mennonites are off the table".)
--Knowing how to stay off topics you want to stay off of. Like another poster wrote, just explain you prefer not to discuss religion, politics, or the benefits of a mixed economy vs. planned economy, for heaven's sake.
OP, there is no way to weasel out of this one without causing friction or even confusion. You will look like a bigger ass who can't get along with people if you make up a lie (you could be found out) or if you hang out in your room (like someone with serious social difficulties. I mean, it is a holiday and it's once a year).
Yep.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
I have a severely dysfunctional family and I was abused severely. I have no contact with my family besides a couple cousins who got out slightly sane. And even them, only via Facebook. I used to think if people asked me about my family it was lying not to disclose a good bit of that. It took some healing to realize I could answer the questions without delving into the sorted history of my family. But I learned I could talk, even fondly, without ever lying. Maybe slight stretching, but not flat out lying.
What is your mother doing for thanksgiving? Doesn't she miss having you home?
No she is used to me not being able to make it. I think she is with her boyfriends family this year. I am sure she would be pleased I have such good company for the holiday.
How many siblings do you have?
Oh I have 4. 2 passed as children but the other two are living in Mississippi.
What were some of your favorite thanksgiving memories?
Well this is tricky. Because it surely isn't when your parents beat the crap out of each other each holiday. This is where you can white wash. Oh my mom made the best mashed potatoes. And she would always had me peel them. I loved helping her with that.
Honestly when I was early in recovery from abuse, I couldn't pull this off. But now I can so easily. It's easier then explaining the raw truth and I am not really lying. Also...after, ask the same question back. People love to talk about themselves.
Excellent examples.
OP, they can't hook you if you don't take the bait.
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yep
