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If you have money do you give it away to less fortunate friends or relatives? If they ask you point blank for money, what do you say? I am not talking about a loan, but a grant- a gift. These family or friends are broke, they need the money, and you have it, they don't and and they want your money.
Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't. Since it is always from one of my spouse's family members I generally let him decide. It often depends on the sob story we receive, how long it's been since the last gift, the purpose of the money and how much is needed. It also depends on his mood at the time the request is received.
We also rarely hand over cash. We will directly pay a bill(s) for her instead.
That said, in all of the years we have been giving this particular family member money she has thanked me one time. While my spouse typically has a much higher income than I do, we both consider it "our" money as I have contributed to our family in other ways. (giving up my career for many years to raise our kids and eventually taking a job I didn't love). She will often thank my spouse, but it irks me that the thanks doesn't extend to me.
It's about that time of year that we should be getting a call and story from her.
Some of the other extended family members have asked for money over the years. We generally say no.
Then I have offered to sit down with someone to work out a budget.
No one has ever taken me up on that offer.
Life is much simpler and free of drama when one is known as someone who does not hand out money.
We have given money but when it happens to many times my husband will then tell them that it is time to sit down and work out a budget. We too found that they didn't want to do that.
I have loaned money to a couple of family members who are less off or having a hard time. I gave them money knowing I won't see it again but then they only asked in a real crises and would have worked out a plan to pay it back but since I love them I don't. That was a few years ago and they haven't asked for any more money. One was a recent widow and the other was laid off and needed help till he found a job.
My ex wife's dirt bag, doper family always had their hand out. Sometimes I did, and sometimes I didn't. I always considered it a gift, in spite of their assurances that "they would pay me back. Ha! I never saw a penny.
It ended when they asked for a serious amount of money, and I agreed as long as they signed the deed to their house over to me as collateral. Thing was probably mortgaged up the kazoo, and likely near or in default, but just the thought ended the gravy train.
My advice, if you have the money to give, is to do as your heart wishes, but always consider it a gift.
I don't loan money to anyone - but I have given money to relatives with both ongoing and one-time needs: international adoption, hurricane refugees, chronic illnesses paired with low income, and so on. No problems with any of these, although some kinfolks appear to think I am much better off financially than I really am, and sometimes hint about their own unexpected expenses, etc.
I just got that yesterday from one physically disabled, low-income relative whose recent medical test was inconclusive but potentially not so great (more testing will determine what's going on), and whose recent change in insurance has added to their monthly expenses. This relative also has a disabled sibling, to whose care I contribute annually. Meanwhile, the one healthy sibling in this branch of the family is seeking disability status for a young adult child, a vet with PTSD. I think there are some inherited issues at work here, along with plain old bad luck.
So my usual Christmas gift check to the first-mentioned relative may be earlier than usual and a little more generous, if I can manage - but I have had recent unexpected expenses of my own and while my income has remained steady, there was no COL for me this year and my investment principle has declined in value.
So there are no easy answers. Not as young as I once was, and some health concerns of my own need factoring in, too.
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