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Family can be fluid. Back in the 70's I moved from Chicago to Portland, OR. Since it was one of me and more of them, it was incumbent upon me to fly back and do the visiting. They only visited me twice in the time I lived there which was nearly forty years. So okay, that's what planes are for.
But in the meantime, one sister married a Canadian and moved to Toronto. Another sister's husband was offered a fantastic job on the West Coast so they moved to LA. Then my dad died and my mom moved to LA to be near my sister. A niece moved from Toronto to Vancouver, BC. I now live in Cleveland, OH. So who is to say that although one person is the first to move, others may not also move as well at one time or another?
You have to do what's right for you for the right reasons. Methinks perhaps the OP, who swears he would never return to CT, might be looking for an excuse to return since he has had a setback in Columbus with his job. Using family as an excuse to do so can be the reason. If living away from family isn't practical for someone, they should never move away in the first place and hope that the family stays conveniently right were they are forever.
The tailbone/sacrum/hip pain that comes from driving is a rather serious condition for me. It started about 3 years ago and persists and gets very aggravated from driving. It is so bad that I've had to have a cortisone shot in my tailbone last year, and have to regularly see chiropractors for adjustments, etc. I also experience sciatic problems, with tingling from my hip to foot, which is not good. Getting out of the car and stretching is good and all, but it's not enough to remedy this chronic problem I've been having for a few years now. My tailbone was extremely inflamed and hurt VERY badly, if I just pressed my finger against it while standing up. It's called coccydynia. It's a very painful condition. Fortunately, it has mostly subsided, but I still experience very uncomfortable symptoms of sciatica, piriformis and inflammation in the sacrum area. Even a 1-hour drive can be a very uncomfortable experience for me. So, 10-hours is a huge risk for me. I was even given a special seat that I can sit on in my car, but its effectiveness is limited. Soft, plush seats are very uncomfortable and irritating for my tailbone and sacrum area, and cause my body to "sink" down into the seat, putting stress on my spine. I use a hard, firm seat that provides stability and doesn't seep into the tailbone area and cause friction and pressure. It also relieves the spine from having to support my posture. But again, it's still limited effectiveness.
It's a pretty depressing condition actually. As I'm laying down on this bed typing this post, my entire right leg, from hip to foot, is sort of tingling from the irritation of sitting and driving.
Almost all of my family (at least the family members I care most about) lives in the Hartford, CT area. Four months ago, I relocated from Fairfield County, CT to Columbus, OH. Everything has been fine (other than losing my job), but please allow me to complain about one thing: living far from family is a PAIN IN THE!!!
My personal preference is to be able to see my family at least 5-6 times per year. They are in their mid-to-late 50's and only getting older. My grandma is 80 and not in the best mental health, and of course, only getting older, too. Then there are most of my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. Almost all of these people live in the Hartford, CT area.
But here's the reality. Every single time I want to visit them, it's a freekin' ordeal with travel arrangements. Airfare is EXPENSIVE, and when I travel to them, I typically don't have my own car, which really sucks. And if I rent a car, it's only going to be even more expensive. Even without renting a car, it would cost me at least $2,000 per year to travel to visit family. Even more, if you factor in extra high airfare prices during holiday periods. I could also drive, but it's a 10-hour drive and my lower back and tailbone cannot withstand long car rides. It's very uncomfortable and painful. This just means that that's $2,000 per year that could have been saved or used for other purposes. What a shame.
The other thing that sucks is that I would have to use my precious PTO/vacation days from my job just in order to visit family, in most cases. When I lived close by to family, I could actually use my PTO for REAL vacations.
Another thing that sucks is that I have to spend typically 3 nights sleeping over their house when visiting them, and use their bathroom, etc. I can't stand it. When I lived near them, I never had to sleep over, and could simply go back home and sleep in the comfort of my own home.
Not to mention, the travel time and hassle in general. It's exhausting.
I want to see my family 5-6 times per year though. And they really have no practical reason to come and visit me. I mean, they have five kids and simply cannot make multiple trips per year devoted entirely to just me. And it was my choice to relocate far away.
Now, the thing that truly sucks is that it's virtually impossible to get a suitable job in the area where they live. It's highly unlikely that I can live near them again.
How do you deal with situations like this?!
What would you do in this situation?!
They visit you too?
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The door swings both ways
