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My boyfriend and I are members of an Indian single parents group. Both of us are well regarded members of the group. The members are in their mid 30s to mid 40s and the kids are mostly under age 15.
The group meets a few times a month usually with kids to do activities like movies, dinners etc. During a few such events, my boyfriend leaned in to kiss me either on my head, cheek and on two occasions, s fleeting kiss on my lips (we barely touched lips, it was a fraction of a second). There are a couple of members who approached me and asked me to not kiss in front of their kids as it is not acceptable. I am not sure how to respond as I don't think we did anything wrong. Any advice on how to make these people understand it's not a crime to express love?
OP- you know darn well that public displays of affection are a " no-no" in general in Indian society. This is a cultural thing.
So the question becomes why do you want to do it ? It's not that you're doing anything wrong, it's that you are deliberately doing something that you know will annoy your fellow club members. Why?
You're adults in your 30's, 40's. You're not teenagers trying to show the world how in love you are. You're not teenagers trying to let their friends know they have staked a claim on each other.
Do you have to kiss during this time with the group. Will life end if you hold off a few hours until you are somewhere else. You might think you are well regarded in the group. That will end quickly if other group members keep telling you to stop behavior the group finds objectionable.
You are not going to change the group's cultural values or convince them of anything else. Maybe you and your boyfriend need to discuss which is more important- the need to have public displays of affection any where and any time you feel like it or the desire to belong to this cultural group. I hope you can find a solution.
There are a couple of members who approached me and asked me to not kiss in front of their kids as it is not acceptable. I am not sure how to respond as I don't think we did anything wrong. Any advice on how to make these people understand it's not a crime to express love?
The couple of other members think that you DID do something wrong, and they asked you to stop it. You can either honor their request and remain members in good standing with this group, or leave the group and kiss to your heart's content.
I'm not Indian and have no idea of Indian social mores, but I do find it interesting that you're having these reactions in a group for single parents. Is divorce, and/or unwed parenthood, acceptable in Indian culture? Because if it isn't, then everyone in your group is by definition flouting social conventions anyway, and shouldn't be complaining about you two flouting one more (by engaging in PDAs in front of their kids). Seems more than a touch hypocritical to me.
If it weren't specifically an Indian group, I'd say go for it. I think it's a good thing for children to be exposed to affection between two people. However, because of the cultural difference, I'd say in your case you and your boyfriend should refrain from any PDA while in the group. Respect your fellow group members and refrain from kissing in front of them or their children.
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Can I ask if these are Indians from India, or "second generation" or "third generation" (terms i despise..) Indo-Americans? Even Indians who are naturalised in other countries don't necessarily have this issue. India isn't as conservative as the media or pop culture say it is. If they are specifically "old-school" then fine, don't do it. But then again, you're in the US so "when in Rome".
I don't know much about the culture...but if the group meant a lot to me, and some people asked me to quit the pda, I'd quit it.
But it does sound like you understand that this isn't accepted in your birth culture and are thumbing your nose at people who still maintain the same customs and standards.
Maybe start a new group for more progressive Indians who are single with children?
Always be aware of the sensitivities of the people around you. It is wrong to do things that some observers might think offensive. If in doubt, don't do it.
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