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My husband and I have only been married two years and his family lives in New York and my family lives in California (we presently live in Illinois). We usually spend Christmas with his family (the past two years and the two years that we dated before being married). Christmas has never been a big holiday in my own family, but it is very important to his (very strict Catholics).
I'm currently visiting my parents now in California and plan to fly to New York next week. The problem is that my mom was admitted yesterday to the hospital (for a bacterial infection but she should be released in 3 or 4 days), my parents business after 25 years is closing at the end of this month, and my dad is planning to sell his house in February (he can no longer afford the house since the business went bankrupt). My parents are dealing with a lot of things and my dad doesn't speak English or know how to use the internet.
Since I've been home, I've been interviewing realtors and trying to sell random things in the house (bicycles, old furniture, etc). I would like to stay another week to make sure my parents business closes ok and help my dad. I sent an email to my husband explaining the situation, but so far he hasn't acknowledged the email. I am waiting for him to bring it up.
One-way tickets back to Chicago are only $120 so it's not an issue of the ticket costing money. It's more that he doesn't think we should be separated during the holidays. I'm not sure what to do. I feel really torn. Right now, our marriage isn't great. I work in Chicago and come home on the weekends- his job is in more rural Illinois so we only see each other on the weekends. This is also a very important time for my parents, and I only see them 3 or 4 times a year (they are 61 and 67 respectively).
Any advice would be appreciated.
So sorry to hear about your mom and the issues your parents are having. I hope things are on the mend soon!
That being said, in my opinion it is a huge red flag that your husband has yet to acknowledge your email. I would also be concerned that he finds it more important to be together during the holidays than your parents' well-being. He should at least offer to come out and be there with you to help you through this stressful time. I am a religious person but at the end of the day Christmas is just another day. You can always postpone the celebration. Your parents may not get another day (sorry, not trying to be morbid but truly none of us know when it will be "our time" and any one of us could drop dead today, or tomorrow!), and so it's important that you be there for them now while you can. You may not get another chance. The fact that it's christmastime is all the more reason for your husband to be understanding and supportive of this (Christmas is a holiday all about spending time with family and those we love, after all!)... It definitely sounds like you're having some troubles in your marriage and I think you need to work those issues out. However right now likely is not the time. I would talk to your husband and tell him that you two need to start going to couples therapy and individual therapy to work on these issues you're having. But I would mention that right now is not the time to be getting into that, what you need from him is the support and love while your parents are going through this difficult situation
Oh I forgot to add that his parents need to realize that he is married now and your family is important and if he needs to miss Christmas due to an EMERGENCY with your family, that's it's okay. It's just Christmas. Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-18-2015 at 10:00 AM..
Reason: this will create an off topic religion discussion
Oh I forgot to add that his parents need to realize that he is married now and your family is important and if he needs to miss Christmas due to an EMERGENCY with your family, that's it's okay. It's just Christmas. They will probably lay the Catholic guilt on him but he needs a backbone to stick up for himself and your marriage. What's that passage from the Bible? When a son marries he leaves and cleaves his parents.... So if they raise an issue just throw that Bible verse in their face and tell them to go to church on Christmas morning and pray for your parents
ETA: it's Genesis 2:24
Excellent advice! Rep given.
Love this part: "So if they raise an issue just throw that Bible verse in their face and tell them to go to church on Christmas morning and pray for your parents "
I'm still not getting why it's so vitally important that they be joined at the hip on 12/25. An entire country is a lot to fly across over the holidays! Both of you stay put and enjoy your families of origin; see each other later. Geez! It's not that hard.
I'm still not getting why it's so vitally important that they be joined at the hip on 12/25. An entire country is a lot to fly across over the holidays! Both of you stay put and enjoy your families of origin; see each other later. Geez! It's not that hard.
You don't get why OP would want her spouse's support & presence during a difficult transition time?
OP, if I were in your shoes, I would choose to spend the extra time with my parents and tell hubby that you'd like for him to join you for Christmas, but if he doesn't, that's his choice to make.
Yes, that's be great, but if it's not happening (if it's going to cause financial or familial hardship in an already strained marriage), deal! I gave up my life for a decade to care for my parents and had no one's help and support; it can be done. If she needs a supportive spouse who's always there for her, sounds like she needs to go back to the drawing board.
Yes, that's be great, but if it's not happening (if it's going to cause financial or familial hardship in an already strained marriage), deal! I gave up my life for a decade to care for my parents and had no one's help and support; it can be done. If she needs a supportive spouse who's always there for her, sounds like she needs to go back to the drawing board.
OP stated it's not a financial hardship.
And yes, hubby should "deal" with his parents if they raise a stink over him spending Christmas with his in-laws for the first time in five years. In this scenario, OP's family needs trumps her husband's family needs. Marriages have give and take, and OP should be able to expect her husband's support during this time.
They're unlikely to change at their ages... My ex's family was like that. One reason he's my ex!
And yet you advocate that the husband concede to his parent's wants instead of standing up to them and spending this time with his wife and helping with her family's needs.
Having been through something similar, I'm surprised you wouldn't be more supportive of OP's stance.
(And since OP has not returned, his parents may not be as awful about it as we're presuming.)
The husband is also unlikely to change at HIS age, heh! You can only control yourself, folks.
It's also possible he's throwing his parents under the bus here; I'm still unclear on this.
At any rate, her allegiance this Christmas is obviously to her parents; end of story.
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