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Well this isn't so obvious in your previous posts. You've not said a whole lot except imply that anyone who might expect this very thing is being ridiculous and needy.
Yes. Otter, you aren't making sense. Don't blame macie for responding to your incessant questions. You keep asking. If you're tired if discussing it, stop.
"You keep asking why they have to spend Christmas together. We've answered that several times. They don't HAVE to. Now what? They spend Christmas apart."
Right.
Last edited by otterhere; 12-18-2015 at 02:50 PM..
There are few solutions to this. 1. You spend Christmas here and he spends it there, FaceTime or Skype often to keep connected to share what's going on the the other side.
2. He apologizes to his family and fly to CA and spend Christmas with you.
3. You surprise him with one day trip to see him for Christmas Eve and fly back next day.
4. You stay here and sort out your parents lives and then go home and sort out yours.
5. I say this to all young people, don't marry someone because of their looks, money, fame, intellect or talents, find someone thoughtful and kind.
6. OP sounds like a person who feels guilty about everything, her job relocation, her family not having fancy Christmas, finances of her parents, his silent treatment.
I'm sorry you've got this added stress, on top of what is already a stressful situation.
Here's the thing: If it were me, my husband wouldn't even hesitate -- he would be right there with me, and would explain to his parents that "sorry, my wife and her family need me this year." So I'm a little perplexed as to why this is even a question. Obviously, your parents have some major issues to deal with, and you are being a good daughter to help (mom in hospital, supervising the closing of his business, dealing with real estate agents.)
Being a good daughter doesn't preclude you from being a good wife, though. Marriage is give-and-take and supporting each other. I'm not feeling the support, here.
He should come to California. End of story. Yes, his parents will be disappointed. Oh, well. Your parents have been disappointed for the last four years. This year, their need is great. If he doesn't come to help or isn't close to your family, he should at least come to support YOU. The fact that his family is Catholic isn't even an issue -- he can tell them he'll go to mass in California. Yes, they may be a close-knit family -- but YOUR family, you and your husband, need to determine your own priorities.
Forget the email. Pick up the phone and CALL your husband and discuss this with him. Were you direct in your request: "I need to be here for Christmas. I want you to come to California this year so that we can spend Christmas together. Will you do that for us?" That's a whole lot more direct than waffling and saying, "Hey, babe, gee, it's so stressful here, I wish you were here," and hoping he reads between the lines. It sounds like your marriage has started to revert to weekend quickies and emails, and that's never a good sign. For the new year, you and he might need to take a good luck at your marriage and see what you can do to strengthen it.
I'm sorry you've got this added stress, on top of what is already a stressful situation.
Here's the thing: If it were me, my husband wouldn't even hesitate -- he would be right there with me, and would explain to his parents that "sorry, my wife and her family need me this year." So I'm a little perplexed as to why this is even a question. Obviously, your parents have some major issues to deal with, and you are being a good daughter to help (mom in hospital, supervising the closing of his business, dealing with real estate agents.)
Being a good daughter doesn't preclude you from being a good wife, though. Marriage is give-and-take and supporting each other. I'm not feeling the support, here.
He should come to California. End of story. Yes, his parents will be disappointed. Oh, well. Your parents have been disappointed for the last four years. This year, their need is great. If he doesn't come to help or isn't close to your family, he should at least come to support YOU. The fact that his family is Catholic isn't even an issue -- he can tell them he'll go to mass in California. Yes, they may be a close-knit family -- but YOUR family, you and your husband, need to determine your own priorities.
Forget the email. Pick up the phone and CALL your husband and discuss this with him. Were you direct in your request: "I need to be here for Christmas. I want you to come to California this year so that we can spend Christmas together. Will you do that for us?" That's a whole lot more direct than waffling and saying, "Hey, babe, gee, it's so stressful here, I wish you were here," and hoping he reads between the lines. It sounds like your marriage has started to revert to weekend quickies and emails, and that's never a good sign. For the new year, you and he might need to take a good luck at your marriage and see what you can do to strengthen it.
If you see your parents 3-4 times a year and they both live to be 80, that means that in the remainder of their lifetimes, you will see your mom about 66 more times and your dad about 45 more times. I think this is a significant time for them and in the future you will look back and regret not spending this time with them. Meanwhile, your husband should be understanding of this. Last Christmas I ditched my husband and 2 kids while on our only family vacation to fly 2,000 miles to help my parents because my mom had gotten hurt. My husband was amazing and supportive. He made sure that the kids still had a wonderful vacation and holiday. He called to make sure my mom was okay and that I was hanging in there. It was a sad time because I really missed being with my husband and kids over the holidays and experiencing their first time in a national park with my children, but I don't regret being there for my parents. I truly hope that your husband is just as loving and supporting through this, and that you follow your heart and stay in CA to help your parents.
"You keep asking why they have to spend Christmas together. We've answered that several times. They don't HAVE to. Now what? They spend Christmas apart."
considering the OP did a hit and run I doubt it matters.
Bingo.
Mountain, meet molehill.
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