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Old 12-18-2015, 04:42 PM
 
436 posts, read 356,983 times
Reputation: 338

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Hello,

I am new to the area so I have a sort of limited amt of new friends. Would you "drop" a friend (a foreigner) because she doesn't respect your boundaries, even though she is quite needy, and you kind of feel sorry for her. Previously, we really got along well, she actually was one of my roommates but she had to move out because she didn't get along with some of the other people..

However, lately, she's really been a little disrespectful of my boundaries, "We really need to go out now!" even if I am not available to go out,, etc. and then, if I give her an excuse, she will say it is just b.s...(ouch!)

I also might add she is quite a bit younger than me. She is very intelligent and I usu enjoy her company. I've just had a lot to do lately, and friend just doesn't seem to understand about priorities..She also might be going through "culture shock" pretty badly as she just moved to this country in Sept, and the 4 month mark is supposed to be the worst, culture shock wise...

thank you.
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Old 12-18-2015, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma USA
1,196 posts, read 842,363 times
Reputation: 4389
Yes.

Next question please.
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:12 PM
 
Location: USA
2,676 posts, read 2,045,776 times
Reputation: 4389
Yes... as long as you accept the behavior, she will continue disrespecting your boundaries. Not a healthy friendship.
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Maryland
912 posts, read 648,759 times
Reputation: 1078
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunburned_in_seattle View Post
Hello,

I am new to the area so I have a sort of limited amt of new friends. Would you "drop" a friend (a foreigner) because she doesn't respect your boundaries, even though she is quite needy, and you kind of feel sorry for her. Previously, we really got along well, she actually was one of my roommates but she had to move out because she didn't get along with some of the other people..

However, lately, she's really been a little disrespectful of my boundaries, "We really need to go out now!" even if I am not available to go out,, etc. and then, if I give her an excuse, she will say it is just b.s...(ouch!)

I also might add she is quite a bit younger than me. She is very intelligent and I usu enjoy her company. I've just had a lot to do lately, and friend just doesn't seem to understand about priorities..She also might be going through "culture shock" pretty badly as she just moved to this country in Sept, and the 4 month mark is supposed to be the worst, culture shock wise...

thank you.
Yes. I don't even need to read the rest of you post. If she isn't adding value, do not keep someone as a friend because you feel sorry for them. You are not doing either of you a favor.
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:35 PM
 
17,004 posts, read 20,701,668 times
Reputation: 33994
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunburned_in_seattle View Post
Hello,

I am new to the area so I have a sort of limited amt of new friends. Would you "drop" a friend (a foreigner) because she doesn't respect your boundaries, even though she is quite needy, and you kind of feel sorry for her. Previously, we really got along well, she actually was one of my roommates but she had to move out because she didn't get along with some of the other people..

However, lately, she's really been a little disrespectful of my boundaries, "We really need to go out now!" even if I am not available to go out,, etc. and then, if I give her an excuse, she will say it is just b.s...(ouch!)

I also might add she is quite a bit younger than me. She is very intelligent and I usu enjoy her company. I've just had a lot to do lately, and friend just doesn't seem to understand about priorities..She also might be going through "culture shock" pretty badly as she just moved to this country in Sept, and the 4 month mark is supposed to be the worst, culture shock wise...

thank you.
I think you like many people need to learnt the difference between what an acquaintance is and what a friend is, someone you met 3 months ago isn't a friend. Real friendships take time.

Aren't you the same poster who lives in a house with people who belong to a religion you left in fear? But live there because the rent is low?

Better to be a little lonely in a new place than jump into situations that are going to cause more angst than the feeling of being lonely would cause you to be depressed.
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,765 posts, read 4,182,912 times
Reputation: 15520
Everyone is raised differently. If she's a different culture than you, she might have been raised to be "pushy" Tell her to back off when she puts the pressure on, and see what happens. If she doesn't understand and continues to be a PIA, drop her.
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Old 12-18-2015, 06:40 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,695,332 times
Reputation: 39059
It is okay to drop this 'friend'...
she never really was one, you know. It takes longer than a few months to create a true friendship.
AND it takes behaviors better than those you describe. You both do not treat each other well.

Why do you live with people you despise, and hang out with people just because you feel sorry for them?
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Old 12-18-2015, 08:19 PM
 
17,004 posts, read 20,701,668 times
Reputation: 33994
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
It is okay to drop this 'friend'...
she never really was one, you know. It takes longer than a few months to create a true friendship.
AND it takes behaviors better than those you describe. You both do not treat each other well.

Why do you live with people you despise, and hang out with people just because you feel sorry for them?
The bolded part, what is it with people who throw the word friend around at the drop of a hat?

I lived in the PNW(Portland) for a little over 2 years, sure it was lonely for the first year, and it took awhile to meet people(the Seattle/Portland PNW "freeze" is true), but better to be a little lonely than be around problematic people.

IDK how old you are OP, but be more selective. Find an activity you like, or even do some volunteer work and meet people that way.
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Old 12-18-2015, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,927 posts, read 13,683,308 times
Reputation: 11612
Yes. Boundaries are essential for any kind of healthy relationship/friendship.
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Old 12-18-2015, 08:59 PM
 
Location: california
920 posts, read 650,814 times
Reputation: 1065
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunburned_in_seattle View Post
Hello,

I am new to the area so I have a sort of limited amt of new friends. Would you "drop" a friend (a foreigner) because she doesn't respect your boundaries, even though she is quite needy, and you kind of feel sorry for her. Previously, we really got along well, she actually was one of my roommates but she had to move out because she didn't get along with some of the other people..

However, lately, she's really been a little disrespectful of my boundaries, "We really need to go out now!" even if I am not available to go out,, etc. and then, if I give her an excuse, she will say it is just b.s...(ouch!)

I also might add she is quite a bit younger than me. She is very intelligent and I usu enjoy her company. I've just had a lot to do lately, and friend just doesn't seem to understand about priorities..She also might be going through "culture shock" pretty badly as she just moved to this country in Sept, and the 4 month mark is supposed to be the worst, culture shock wise...

thank you.
If you give her an excuse, she will say b*ll****? is that right? and this is normal behavior, not a one time occurance?

I am pretty sure this is not your friend. And it doesn't sound like a pathway to closeness. Sorry. I wish you the best in making friends
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