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I have a hard time believing this. If it is true it is an example of synchronicity and perhaps you need to open your eyes. The universe is trying to tell you something. I would keep an open mind.
It might be worth letting your boss know. Not so you can ask to be reassigned, but so your boss can know what's going on if problems pop up down the line. You have no idea how your father will react, especially if he approaches you to talk privately and you want no part of him.
In the meantime I would keep it professional. It doesn't sound like you want to talk to him. If you do decide you want to talk to him, wait until the project is over.
I would tell your mom, but wait until you're back and the project is over. I'm not a fan of keeping secrets from family.
I agree with others that you need not carry this relationship beyond business. Your estranged father may even want to rekindle the relationship, but if you don't feel anything, you don't feel anything.
However...I do think you should tell your mother that you've met him in business and will have some measure of business contact with him in the future. Don't keep that a secret (which is also how movies and television usually play that plot out), because keeping such secrets always feels like betrayal.
If you could have someone else assigned to the project and it would not hurt your career, then I say do that. If your going to have that chat with your boss than keep the personal stuff out of it. He is simply your father. Your parent's split when you were young, he has not had a role in your life, and you would not want the relationship (or lack of) hurting the company. You know you can keep it professional but you are not sure about him being able to. Say nothing about your personal issues when you were younger.
If it will hurt your career than I say have a sit down with your father. Admit it puts you in an awkward position but you believe as a professional, you can handle the situation. Based on what you have said about him, I expect his reply will be the same. If he says/asks anything about family than say you believe it would be best for you two to leave that alone until we have concluded our business.
I would tell my mother so it does not become an issue at a later time.
Yes, doesn't it. Almost...completely unbelievable.
How many people so closely resemble a parent so that people who have no reason to suspect anything immediately guess the family connection?
IMHO that is quite believable. I resemble my mother so closely that ever since childhood, various friends/acquaintances of hers knew who I was immediately without introduction. If the OP so strongly resembles the dad I'm sure more and more of the colleagues on the project teams would notice too and one already figured it out.
If it's not a career killer, talk to your boss, explain the situation, and say that you are not sure that your company will be treated well with this dynamic in the way. Tell them that you can be professional but it might be in the best interest of the company to assign someone else.
That's not a good idea. This is a major project and not wanting to be part of it is not good. Not that it'll end my career but it's not good.
That's not a good idea. This is a major project and not wanting to be part of it is not good. Not that it'll end my career but it's not good.
I'm going to say you probably should tell your boss regardless of the state of the relationship with your father. Lots of companies would not want a father/son working on the same project if there is any possible hint there could be a conflict of interest whereby collusion between the two could impact one or the other companies. Even if it might only be perception. Hard to say without knowing the project, but your boss is probably the one who should decide that.
You wouldn't present it as you not wanting to be part of the project. But, as a heads up on something your boss should be aware of.
Well, since you don't want to ask for a reassignment, you're going to have to address this issue with your father. You can't continue with this awkwardness between you.
You should speak to him privately and clear the air. You could say something like, "This is a very awkward situation for both of us. But we have to deal with it. Since we're going to have to work together for a few months, I'd like to put all personal issues between us aside for the sake of this project." He will probably be relieved to discuss how you both can move forward.
Do NOT discuss any issues stemming from the divorce during your time on the project. Any acrimony between you will affect your interactions with each other, and will be noticed by others. If you choose to discuss the past with him, let it be AFTER the project is over.
I, too, think you should tell your mother. Whether you tell her now, or after the project is over is up to you. However, this is the kind of thing that could easily come up in the future, and then you could have to face possible confusion/resentment on her part because you hadn't told her. I do not see what the point is of keeping this a secret. Of course she won't be thrilled that you are in this situation, but it is what it is--and life goes on.
Wow. This is book worthy. Very interesting. What are the odds of something like this happening?!?! Look at it as a spiritual opportunity orchestrated for you and your family's healing. I know this isn't about payback. But, I think you should shine as bright as you can on this project (w/o being arrogant) to demonstrate to him who you turned out to be despite his lackluster presence in your life. Unless he makes the first move, I would not expect any conversations with him about the issue. Do your job well, deliver results and go home.
Also, I don't think you should keep this from your mother. She has a right to know. Based on what you've written, she's a strong, resilient lady. More than likely her heart has healed from the pain he caused. So, now she can be a source of strength for you during this time. Make her proud as you act with decorum during this time. In fact, I think it'll be healing for all of you, including your dad. Don't make a train wreck out of it. Act with dignity & class. Good Luck! I'll be waiting to read the book when it's published lol..
I would tell your mom, but wait until you're back and the project is over. I'm not a fan of keeping secrets from family.
So far I've only told my brother and he's very pragmatic as always. He says to ignore the "old bastard", keep it professional, do my job and avoid any direct contact with him if possible.
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