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Maybe it's just the people I associate with, I'm not sure, but I often find making plans with friends/acquaintances to be more of a task than it should be.
Examples:
Someone agrees to join you for something a month in advance, then the day before they announce that they have too much else going on
Someone mentions that a planned event might cause a conflict, just a day or two before it's supposed to happen. You email and text them back with alternate ideas and 18 hours later they haven't responded.
You email a friend (who you know checks email often) one morning suggesting meeting for lunch the next day, and asking where they might like to go. No response until late the next morning, and the response is basically, "Sure, so where do YOU want to go?"
You email a bunch of people to gauge interest in an activity, adding that you'd like an answer soon so you can plan. One or two of the people respond three weeks later, as though no time has passed at all.
I think it's basic human nature for people to be so wrapped up in their own drama that these things just don't phase them, but as someone who likes to make plans in advance, it bugs me just a little. Anyone else?
Anytime you deal with other people, it can be a pain. The key thing is to be flexible and easy going, otherwise, it will be a chore dealing with you.
If somebody has cancelled on you before and you feel their excuse is not good enough, just stop making plans with that person. I would try to do activities that require short notice. There will be people who complain that you didn't give them enough notice, but at least you start sorting out people who like to make plans, those who cannot commit to them and those who only need a short notice.
I think it's basic human nature for people to be so wrapped up in their own drama that these things just don't phase them, but as someone who likes to make plans in advance, it bugs me just a little. Anyone else?
I'm guessing this has been going on for a while and you've managed to overlook it until now because you want to have people in your life.
I think the reason that people often wait so long to respond to a message is that consciously or not, they're hoping to get another offer so they can choose what suits them on the spur of the moment. It's rude, it's inconsiderate, it's completely selfish. Apparently people can't even be bothered to make up an insincere excuse any more. Far easier to put people off.
Or they could be like an ex-manager of mine. He would agree to lunch dates in advance with various people. On the day of the lunch, he would have me call to cancel. He never intended to go, he just couldn't say no.
We stayed in touch after I left the company and one day I called him to see if we could get together for lunch in a few days. Guess what happened. Amazingly, I didn't see the last-minute cancellation coming. I thought I was different.
I think the reason that people often wait so long to respond to a message is that consciously or not, they're hoping to get another offer so they can choose what suits them on the spur of the moment. It's rude, it's inconsiderate, it's completely selfish. Apparently people can't even be bothered to make up an insincere excuse any more. Far easier to put people off.
I wouldn't go that far, but it's definitely nice to stick to your commitment of seeing somebody.
Sometimes I make plans to see somebody and I'm pretty excited to see them and do something fun, and they just cancel.
It sucks, so when I say I'll do something, unless something really weird happens, I usually will.
Especially if it's a one-on-one thing. If it's a big party and there will be 20 other people there and they will be entertaining the host, many of whom they favor talking to over you, then it's different. If it's one-on-one and I didn't sleep well, worked all day, am tired, and it's a long drive through traffic, I'll still do it.
Then again, I'm old, and I've been through these types of things so many times.
On another note, I feel when people make threads this, they feel a lot of people read these posts (sometimes thousands), and maybe a few will think "Oh, I do that, that's rude, maybe I won't do it so much anymore." I have.
I don't think that ever happens. I think people in their mind have a justification for living life the way they do, and people rarely ever change. Something I've noticed.
So, it's better to just not let it bother you as much.
I wouldn't go that far, but it's definitely nice to stick to your commitment of seeing somebody.
I would argue that the OP's friends (and probably most people, excepting you) don't see it as a commitment. They see it as an option.
They are careful not to let it get to the commitment stage.
What I would do if I were the OP and still had hope for humanity is to make plans in advance, then remind the friend a week or so later with a "Looking forward to seeing you at Greens at Fort Mason, on January 4 at noon. I can't wait!" sort of thing. I would also call, instead of texting or emailing, which are less personal ways to communicate.
Yes, its a pain in the butt. My friends are spread out and have vastly different schedules (myself included). Getting everyone together is a real hassle, and is a reason why we don't see each other as often as possible. Plus, it doesn't help that one in the group is an individual who likes to meet at very pricey places.
It's because of that...that I don't make plans.....unless it's for something going on at my own place.
If it's "my plan", it's something I'd do anyways, and though it'd be nice if others came, as invited, I wouldn't be terribly disappointed if they didn't.
I hate making plans...I hate being apart of someone else/s plans...so it's not something I'd expect others to hold to.
Unless it's for something happening almost immediately, and I can get immediate answers, I don't bother.
I don't want nobody making plans with me that they have no intentions of keeping.
And I won't commit to anothers plans as I can't predict what'll come up beforehand and I'd rather not disappoint someone if I don't or can't show up.....and I don't want to have to give an excuse or feel obligated to tell them why.
It's a matter of personal boundaries. As many things are in life - LOL.
Your "friends" need to learn your parameters. And for that matter, YOU need to learn your parameters, and learn how to convey your expectations in a friendship. This will separate the boys from the men so to speak.
Here's what I recommend:
You need to nail things down on the front end. For instance, in your email asking about getting together for lunch, add something like, "I've got a busy week, so let me know by this afternoon - hope we can get together!" Then, if they don't let you know by that afternoon - when they respond late the next morning, answer them back with "Oops, sorry! I mentioned that I needed an answer by yesterday because I'm super busy - I made other plans when I didn't hear back from you. Let's touch base soon and try to reschedule!"
Maybe it's just the people I associate with, I'm not sure, but I often find making plans with friends/acquaintances to be more of a task than it should be.
Examples:
Someone agrees to join you for something a month in advance, then the day before they announce that they have too much else going on
Someone mentions that a planned event might cause a conflict, just a day or two before it's supposed to happen. You email and text them back with alternate ideas and 18 hours later they haven't responded.
You email a friend (who you know checks email often) one morning suggesting meeting for lunch the next day, and asking where they might like to go. No response until late the next morning, and the response is basically, "Sure, so where do YOU want to go?"
You email a bunch of people to gauge interest in an activity, adding that you'd like an answer soon so you can plan. One or two of the people respond three weeks later, as though no time has passed at all.
I think it's basic human nature for people to be so wrapped up in their own drama that these things just don't phase them, but as someone who likes to make plans in advance, it bugs me just a little. Anyone else?
My experiences are similar, which is why I often prefer doing solo activities. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want, and I don't have to deal with any friend issues. And the more people involved in a potential activity, the higher the chance that the potential activity will be marred by some flaky, disinterested, or difficult person. Don't get me wrong: I love people and like having friends, but they can be pains to deal with at times. But some people probably feel that way about me as well, so there you go.
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I think people in their mind have a justification for living life the way they do, and people rarely ever change. Something I've noticed.
