Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The OP had a friend who was engaged. She slept with her friend's fiance. Her friend cut her off and won't speak to her anymore. Meanwhile, she's left her husband and getting back with the cheating fiance. Meanwhile, apparently she's still not forgiven the OP. The fiance also cheated with the sister of the OP's friend.
My guess, far as the question. Romantic feelings trump platonic for a few people. When you messed up in the friendship, your friend saw no need to keep you in her life. The fiance, she possibly still has romantic feelings toward, which makes her more willing to work with him. Because of the extra factor of attraction, maybe love, and sex. Probably many will be willing to work with a romantic partner to fix things rather than trying to patch up with a platonic ex friend.
Romantic / Sexual feelings are just stronger for some people than anything else. Thus is inspires greater devotion and tolerance. It's like how a wife may work to forgive a cheating husband. But she wants the woman he cheated with out of both of their lives, even if it may be a friend. Her devotion to working things out with him is stronger because she has feelings for him, and was probably closer to him.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-19-2015 at 09:13 AM..
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 19 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
More information, please?
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate
The OP had a friend who was engaged. She slept with her friend's fiance. Her friend cut her off and won't speak to her anymore. Meanwhile, she's left her husband and getting back with the cheating fiance. Meanwhile, apparently she's still not forgiven the OP.
Not quite...We are on a bowling league together. She'll talk to me there. Apart from that. she rarely answers my texts. When I saw them together recently, I kept my distance from him and stuck by my friend almost the entire time.
She probably felt more betrayed by you than the fiance.
To her you should've known better and probably felt that you were only friends with her to steal her man so to speak.
Like, VC said: In her eyes romantic love takes priority over a broken friendship.
I honestly think you probably need to let that go, she obviously doesn't want to maintain any other type of relationship with you other than a cordial one. You've been bothered by this long enough, it's over. It's possible she can no longer trust you, so there is no point in talking to you outside of the bowling tournaments.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 19 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Are you EVER going to let it go?
At the moment, no. She's the only person I've known since childhood that lives nearby to me. Since I live out in the sticks, the only 2 places to meet people is either the local bar or the few Churches in the area. I'm not a religious person. And having profound hearing loss and not a fan of driving when it's dark, it makes meeting people and communication difficult. And also have social anxiety issues. I have a sister & a SIL that lives close. We don't really talk unless we're doing something together which isn't often.
I did meet a man that was hearing impaired that was truly interested in me. When we became serious about dating, I couldn't get past the fact he was still a virgin at 45 because he didn't believe sex before marriage. I told him he had been brainwashed by religion. He never tried drinking any kind of booze. And I didn't care for 2 of his closest friends, one was a woman who uses him for rides & pays for her meals/tickets to social events. So I dumped him.
At the moment, no. She's the only person I've known since childhood that lives nearby to me. Since I live out in the sticks, the only 2 places to meet people is either the local bar or the few Churches in the area. I'm not a religious person. And having profound hearing loss and not a fan of driving when it's dark, it makes meeting people and communication difficult. And also have social anxiety issues. I have a sister & a SIL that lives close. We don't really talk unless we're doing something together which isn't often.
What is with this "ATM" thing anyway? You need to be moving on with your life and expanding. By focusing so much on this trainwreck, you're still holding off on living your life-- Why are you so hard up on resisting the very thing you need to do? And honestly, since there's nothing in your town, you should be looking into bigger (or another) town that would give opportunities and enable you to grow.
OP, I'm going to be frank (even though my name is not frank)... if this person doesn't want a relationship, it doesn't matter why or how badly you want it. That's really the bottom line. None of us knows what's happening in her head, but the fact that everyone is sleeping with everyone else is a good indicator that there are many issues circling this group of friends and you just need to let it go. You *will* find other friends (and a man), but not if you are obsessing over this one. Get out and do things where you're going to meet people. If your town is too small for that, think about getting into a bigger town.
What is with this "ATM" thing anyway? You need to be moving on with your life and expanding. By focusing so much on this trainwreck, you're still holding off on living your life-- Why are you so hard up on resisting the very thing you need to do? And honestly, since there's nothing in your town, you should be looking into bigger (or another) town that would give opportunities and enable you to grow.
Have to agree here. I live in a small town. Not much to do either. But I plan on moving. Clearly the town you live in doesn't offer you anything good. No good activities, nor diversity. So you should be trying to expand your horizon and not worry about gaining the forgiveness of an ex friend who clearly is never going to be close with you again. And moving out of the small town may expose you to more men who'd be what you're looking for than a small town.
You have opportunities to do things, but don't. Work on your anxiety. Seems you only want to focus on the negative. Stop being dependent on the ex friend to give you a life and companionship and try finding your own life, and other friends.
Find ways to change things you can control. Making this lady accept you back as a friend is not one of them. You did what you could. if she doesn't want you, then you aren't going to make her.
Your ex friend has been soured on you, and that's it. Look at the guy you dated. he's religious and you aren't. How would you feel if he kept calling you, and bothering you about dating him, then him also trying to save you and convert you to Christianity, and have you not have premarital sex. You made clear you are not religious, but he won't let it go and continues to hound you with his beliefs that you don't accept? Wouldn't that irritate the hell out of you? Well I am sure your friend feels the same way about you trying to continue prolonged contact when she's only ever going to be a casual acquaintance at best. Your ex friend will probably have enough to deal with without you.
So for the original question. She's taken her fiance back possibly because she's in love with him, and may always have been. So the fact she loves him (for whatever reason) already puts him above you.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-19-2015 at 01:02 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
