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In answer to your thread title question: Sadly both things are true. You value the connection far more than this family member does. Happens all the time.
People make time for those who are priorities in their lives. If they aren't trying to see you or are not responding favorably when you contact them, then they're not interested in a relationship with you, even though you're family.
This has happened in my family, starting at least 1 generation back. There are cousins I've never met, others I haven't seen in a few years and who have zero interest in maintaining a relationship even though I reached out to come visit. It's sad, but you can't force relationships where there aren't willing participants.
Correct. I used to worry about stuff like this. No longer. Family is too far away & too busy for me, and most of them don't even bother with a Christmas card. Oh well. Can't force it.
I agree!!
but up until about 6 months ago, we kept in touch regularly and were close, this is why it is weird to me....
But life goes on! and I wont pretend it doesnt hurt, but I wont die over it.
There has to be a reason.
I have tried to see those reasons, but I figured a quick text or email wouldve happened by now,,,
Because that is what *I* would do if someone I cared about reached out to me....
But I know that in life we can't worry about anyones actions but our own,
thanks for the comments.
Exactly, even the POTUS has time for that {a quick text message}.
The "busy" excuse is just a cover for "doesn't want to be bothered".
Yes it is, and I will address a couple of common responses you get to such scenarios (not necessarily mentioned in here).
"Take a hint." NO. Absolutely not. To me the "busy" person should spell it out. They should flat-out say "sorry, but I don't have time to cultivate the friendship in the manner you are asking me to do." They should just come right out and say it. In fact, in my mind, that's a requirement, as in I feel that such people do not have the right to not return a text message or such. Yes, I meant it--morally, they don't have that right, they have to respond whether they like it or not. They can spell it out, and then they can dismiss the person from their life at that point.
Heck, I used to do that to women I dated--when they didn't my calls, even knowing they weren't interested I'd pester them until they said it flat-out, then I'd tell them "see, was it really that hard?" then I never called them again. It's the principle of the thing. If they complained "can't you take a hint" I'd say "I refuse to, because I don't believe in that sort of silliness, you said on your profile 'I don't play games' well me either, I spell it out and so should ANYONE who says they 'don't play games.'"
Am I saying the original poster should do this? No, I'm not, but I am saying that I don't believe in "hints" being the way people handle these things, I do believe they are morally required to spell it out.
"People are busy." Phooey. As the one person said, no one's that busy--and if they are, I dare say maybe they need to "un-busy" themselves a little bit. If you are so busy that a simple reply to a text of "sorry, can't but I'll call in a month or two" etc is more than you can bear, your plate is too full. Scrape it a little.
All of that being said, as a practical matter, the best thing the original poster can do is let it go. I might would leave a text saying "I get the point, you apparently don't value our relationship, but the least you could do is have some manners and display the decency to just say it" and then, assuming that's the end of the conversations, let it go from there.
I dont want to be rude or mean and say anything I will regret.
My feelings are hurt, and I have tried to contact them numerous times, but
I am getting a CLEAR hint that they arent responding...
so..I am going to be quiet now...
It is just very odd to me, when you were close and speaking at least once a month to catch up.
But life is a wheel...everything must change...
No one here can possibly know the reason your cousin, formerly close, is no longer responding to your reaching out. All people can do is guess and at least 50% of the time they'll be wrong. Your question was if you were being paranoid. The vast majority of people who responded, myself included, said "no, you're not being paranoid."
However, the only way you'll possibly know for sure if you are and the reason for it is to either get someone to ask your cousin(s) directly and then tell you what the cousin said, or somehow get the cousin to tell you directly.
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