Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My brother typically comes over for Christmas and we exchange gifts. He never had any kids. Recently he met someone who has 4 grown kids ages range from 17 to 22, and they rapidly got engaged. I just found out yesterday that her whole family is coming over for Christmas to exchange gifts. I originally thought he would either come alone like he always does, or bring his new fiancee. I met her kids a few times here and there, and I have to say, things are really tight for me financially right now so now not only do I have 4 more mouths to feed, but I guess I have to buy them gifts too, right? I am confused on what to do. I really don't have the money to be buying 4 more gifts, which would probably be gift cards at this point. I already have had to buy more food for Christmas, I guess I can swing it but my hang up on this is:
1. I find it odd that her kids are spending Christmas with us. I mean, who are we to them? I am surprised they aren't spending it with their own family (biological father, or grandparents?)
2. I really don't have the money to gift to additional people and don't want to set the precedent that I am on the hook for birthdays and holidays.
3. They are all older, not little. If they were small children, then my brother would absolutely be a role model and possible father figure in this, and as they grow with a new family they would be included in gift giving with us.
So, I just want to do what is right, and I am very conflicted on what to do regarding the above. Please don't hate on me, I honestly do not know and am seeking advice based on how I truly feel and what my circumstance is.
You are absolutely NOT obligated to buy gifts. You should have this discussion with your brother and tell him just what you told us: That while you are happy to welcome the adult children into your home, buying gifts is an expense you hadn't planned on and can't afford.
You found out 2 days before Christmas that these adults whom you have no relationship with are crashing your Christmas celebration? No, you have no obligation to get them gifts. If you want, you can say "I apologize I don't have anything for you; I didn't know you'd be coming until a couple days ago." But that might be considered a little P/A.
You are under no obligation to buy gifts. These are total strangers. You found out two days before Christmas.
Sit down with your brother soon and explain to him that he doesn't get to invite people to your home. It's your home- you decide who to invite. It's your home- you get to pick how many visitors depending upon your financial means. But that's for next year.
As someone already suggested, get them each a small Christmas card this year and nothing else. .
You're really going to need to figure this out with your brother after Christmas. Because it is not going to be pleasant if four grown children plus partners and potential future children all start showing up for family events, expecting gifts.
My brother typically comes over for Christmas and we exchange gifts. He never had any kids. Recently he met someone who has 4 grown kids ages range from 17 to 22, and they rapidly got engaged. I just found out yesterday that her whole family is coming over for Christmas to exchange gifts. I originally thought he would either come alone like he always does, or bring his new fiancee. I met her kids a few times here and there, and I have to say, things are really tight for me financially right now so now not only do I have 4 more mouths to feed, but I guess I have to buy them gifts too, right? I am confused on what to do. I really don't have the money to be buying 4 more gifts, which would probably be gift cards at this point. I already have had to buy more food for Christmas, I guess I can swing it but my hang up on this is:
1. I find it odd that her kids are spending Christmas with us. I mean, who are we to them? I am surprised they aren't spending it with their own family (biological father, or grandparents?)
2. I really don't have the money to gift to additional people and don't want to set the precedent that I am on the hook for birthdays and holidays.
3. They are all older, not little. If they were small children, then my brother would absolutely be a role model and possible father figure in this, and as they grow with a new family they would be included in gift giving with us.
So, I just want to do what is right, and I am very conflicted on what to do regarding the above. Please don't hate on me, I honestly do not know and am seeking advice based on how I truly feel and what my circumstance is.
thanks!
No, you do not have to buy gifts. And if you feel awkward for whatever reason, you can just tell your brother ahead of time that you're happy to have them but cannot afford to buy gifts for them.
Plus, the unofficial rule in our families is that you stop buying gifts once they're in college. I'm not talking about immediate family---but nieces, nephews, cousins, cousins' kids, etc.
My brother typically comes over for Christmas and we exchange gifts. He never had any kids. Recently he met someone who has 4 grown kids ages range from 17 to 22, and they rapidly got engaged. I just found out yesterday that her whole family is coming over for Christmas to exchange gifts. I originally thought he would either come alone like he always does, or bring his new fiancee. I met her kids a few times here and there, and I have to say, things are really tight for me financially right now so now not only do I have 4 more mouths to feed, but I guess I have to buy them gifts too, right? I am confused on what to do. I really don't have the money to be buying 4 more gifts, which would probably be gift cards at this point. I already have had to buy more food for Christmas, I guess I can swing it but my hang up on this is:
1. I find it odd that her kids are spending Christmas with us. I mean, who are we to them? I am surprised they aren't spending it with their own family (biological father, or grandparents?)
2. I really don't have the money to gift to additional people and don't want to set the precedent that I am on the hook for birthdays and holidays.
3. They are all older, not little. If they were small children, then my brother would absolutely be a role model and possible father figure in this, and as they grow with a new family they would be included in gift giving with us.
So, I just want to do what is right, and I am very conflicted on what to do regarding the above. Please don't hate on me, I honestly do not know and am seeking advice based on how I truly feel and what my circumstance is.
thanks!
1) They are spending Christmas with their mother. How is that odd?
2) Birthdays, no. They are adults.
3) Yes, it is different than if they came into the family as kids.
Are they coming for a meal or specifically for a gift exchange? Talk to your brother. He and their mom should make sure they all have something to open, if it is going to be an issue. If you had more notice, then I'd say you should get them a little something.
My brother typically comes over for Christmas and we exchange gifts. He never had any kids. Recently he met someone who has 4 grown kids ages range from 17 to 22, and they rapidly got engaged. I just found out yesterday that her whole family is coming over for Christmas to exchange gifts. I originally thought he would either come alone like he always does, or bring his new fiancee. I met her kids a few times here and there, and I have to say, things are really tight for me financially right now so now not only do I have 4 more mouths to feed, but I guess I have to buy them gifts too, right? I am confused on what to do. I really don't have the money to be buying 4 more gifts, which would probably be gift cards at this point. I already have had to buy more food for Christmas, I guess I can swing it but my hang up on this is:
1. I find it odd that her kids are spending Christmas with us. I mean, who are we to them? I am surprised they aren't spending it with their own family (biological father, or grandparents?)
2. I really don't have the money to gift to additional people and don't want to set the precedent that I am on the hook for birthdays and holidays.
3. They are all older, not little. If they were small children, then my brother would absolutely be a role model and possible father figure in this, and as they grow with a new family they would be included in gift giving with us.
So, I just want to do what is right, and I am very conflicted on what to do regarding the above. Please don't hate on me, I honestly do not know and am seeking advice based on how I truly feel and what my circumstance is.
thanks!
My father remarried when I was in my 20s, and my stepmother always gave me gifts. It was actually kind of uncomfortable. I suggest if you really want to have something to give them, buy some dollar rub-off lottery cards. Those are always fun. But I would be very surprised if they expected you to give them real gifts.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
