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I am getting ready to go to the in-laws for one of many holiday dinner parties, and I'm dreading it. I hate these dinners because they don't serve any of the things that I consider important at a dinner party, and I'm wondering if it's them or just me.
When I have a holiday dinner, I always serve appetizers. Usually I have nuts, cheese, crackers, fruit, maybe some veggies with dip or bread with hummus. In other words, lots of stuff. Then for the main meal I try to make enough that we won't run out of anything, even if people want second helpings of something. And of course, I always have at least two different deserts. Plus tea, coffee and wine and maybe sodas. Is that too much? Because when I go to my in-laws, they have none of that.
First, there are usually no appetizers at all. The main meal is often just enough for one serving of each thing. There is rarely a desert. There are no drinks served at all, not even sodas or water. You have to ask if you want a drink of something, and usually it's just water. Needless to say, I really don't enjoy these dinners. I usually have to eat before I go. I don't eat much, I'm thin and relatively healthy, but I would so love a glass of wine or at least some coffee. I'm not really sure why it's like this. They are wealthy people, so it's not money. I have tried bringing a bottle of wine, a desert, etc., but they just put it away and don't serve it.
Now as I sit here dreading their parties this holiday, I'm wondering if I'm just expecting too much. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks there should be more?
Why not bring your own? I have an aunt that does a pretty awful spread. So we bring a few trays of appetizers. We bring a big box of coffee and a handful of sweetener/creamer. We bring a few dessert items. And a few people even bring main courses and side dishes. And there's nothing wrong with bringing a bottle of wine and opening it when you get there.
You're not going to change your in-laws. We still joke about how awful my aunt's spread is, but we make the most of it and fill in the gaps. If they are jerks about you bringing stuff, then it might be time to stop going or just "stopping by" and not staying for the food.
Open the appetizer and put it out, ask them for a wine opener and at the end of dinner say "I'll grab the dessert!"
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I am getting ready to go to the in-laws for one of many holiday dinner parties, and I'm dreading it. I hate these dinners because they don't serve any of the things that I consider important at a dinner party, and I'm wondering if it's them or just me.
When I have a holiday dinner, I always serve appetizers. Usually I have nuts, cheese, crackers, fruit, maybe some veggies with dip or bread with hummus. In other words, lots of stuff. Then for the main meal I try to make enough that we won't run out of anything, even if people want second helpings of something. And of course, I always have at least two different deserts. Plus tea, coffee and wine and maybe sodas. Is that too much? Because when I go to my in-laws, they have none of that.
First, there are usually no appetizers at all. The main meal is often just enough for one serving of each thing. There is rarely a desert. There are no drinks served at all, not even sodas or water. You have to ask if you want a drink of something, and usually it's just water. Needless to say, I really don't enjoy these dinners. I usually have to eat before I go. I don't eat much, I'm thin and relatively healthy, but I would so love a glass of wine or at least some coffee. I'm not really sure why it's like this. They are wealthy people, so it's not money. I have tried bringing a bottle of wine, a desert, etc., but they just put it away and don't serve it.
Now as I sit here dreading their parties this holiday, I'm wondering if I'm just expecting too much. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks there should be more?
I have been to holiday meals at many, many different homes over my 63 years andyes you do provide a lot more food than at anybody else's home where I have ever eaten. Maybe, everyone will disagree with me, but among my friends and family you would be considered a outlier serving holiday meals with that much food. Sometimes, there is almost that much food but many times they serve far less.
Some people have one or two small appetizers but I know many families that have zero appetizers before a holiday meal. However, most people that I know do plan that at least some people will have seconds on some, if not most, of the food. And, most/almost all will offer something to drink besides water (usually not that many choices but at least one or two things besides water).
But, I also know one family, who are vegetarians, who offers hummus & crackers as an appetizer (BTW, I hate hummus), plus all vegetarian dishes for the holiday meal plus maybe one small cookie for dessert (usually they never have dessert or treats or they are doing that just for their guests). That is the way that they eat usually and they do not change (or offer meat) when they entertain. Although they do not say it out loud, they consider it indulgent and unhealthy to overeat, even at holiday meals.
If that is the way that your in-laws always eat then your spouse should be used to it by now. I am assuming that they must be at least in the 40s, I doubt if you can change them now. Were your in-laws poor at one time? Sometimes, people who grew up poor or who were poor when they were first married just can't force themselves to spend money on fancy foods.
I know someone who grew up very poor and even though he has a couple of million in the bank grows his own vegetables and only buys meat/chicken/fish that is on sale. He can go years without eating in a restaurant or buying carry-out or fast food (except for when he is traveling and can not cook his own meals). BTW, he is a gourmet cook and can turn even the most inexpensive ingredients into a masterpiece. It is delight to eat at his house. He serves only a few dishes but it is like eating at a five star restaurant.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-24-2015 at 02:11 PM..
Holiday dinners are a food fest. Whether we go to relatives on either side or if I cook, there is a ton of food. We start with antipasto/ appetizers, move on to the main meal which may be pasta of some sort followed by a roast & sides, salad. After dinner there is an assortment of desserts, plus fruit & nuts. Various wines, soda, liquors are available.
The hostess cooks plenty & every body else will show up with something. There's enough for seconds, thirds and take homes.
Guest show up at 1PM or so and many will still be there at 10 PM. In addition to those who come for the sit down portion of the meal, other relatives will stop in later in the day as they many have visited with others earlier. Keeping food available is expected.
On the other hand, I have been to many dinners for various occasions at other homes where food is minimal. You're lucky if someone offers tea to drink. Different people have different expectations of what a meal is. It is what it is. When you know you're going to a minimalist, eat before hand and have something ready at home for when you return.
Or make something like sangria, hot toddy's, spiked egg nog..... a well lubricated family is a happy family.
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Our family is not one of those that make a dozen side dishes. However, we always have some appetizers such as the family favorite Calico Dip. This year I have shrimp cocktail, spinach dip with veggies and chips.
We have wine, beer, and cranberry ginger ale to drink. Dessert is mini cheesecakes and champagne.
I would bring something to show them how it should be done!
Hi OP, I agree with you on the food. If you bring wine and she puts it away I think it is a control thing personally. Maybe you should bring the wine and offer it to them and if they say no then say you will have a glass. My family immigrated here from another country and they were poor but when it comes to having people over and food they go all out. Its a smorgasbord. I am amazed when I go to someone's house and they don't do that. Honestly If people do that then don't invite them over. I think alot of people think they are providing free food but what they don't get is people can say no. There not doing anyone any favors.
I am getting ready to go to the in-laws for one of many holiday dinner parties, and I'm dreading it. I hate these dinners because they don't serve any of the things that I consider important at a dinner party, and I'm wondering if it's them or just me.
When I have a holiday dinner, I always serve appetizers. Usually I have nuts, cheese, crackers, fruit, maybe some veggies with dip or bread with hummus. In other words, lots of stuff. Then for the main meal I try to make enough that we won't run out of anything, even if people want second helpings of something. And of course, I always have at least two different deserts. Plus tea, coffee and wine and maybe sodas. Is that too much? Because when I go to my in-laws, they have none of that.
First, there are usually no appetizers at all. The main meal is often just enough for one serving of each thing. There is rarely a desert. There are no drinks served at all, not even sodas or water. You have to ask if you want a drink of something, and usually it's just water. Needless to say, I really don't enjoy these dinners. I usually have to eat before I go. I don't eat much, I'm thin and relatively healthy, but I would so love a glass of wine or at least some coffee. I'm not really sure why it's like this. They are wealthy people, so it's not money. I have tried bringing a bottle of wine, a desert, etc., but they just put it away and don't serve it.
Now as I sit here dreading their parties this holiday, I'm wondering if I'm just expecting too much. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks there should be more?
You are doing it right. What you describe is what I expect for a holiday dinner. I have only been to one that wasn't like yours or Willow Wind's and I would not accept another invitation there. I was raised to always offer lots of food and variety.
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