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Next year, do a buffet. Or better yet, a potluck buffet. Set it up in the kitchen, let folks eat where they fit and are comfy. And any fast food contributions will not stand out quite so much.
Did you read the OP? It was a buffet and set up in the kitchen, that was the problem.
Both the OP & the stepdaughter were exhibiting passive/aggressive behaviors.
The OP because of the seating weirdness, which was in her control, as well as serving ham, knowing her stepD doesn't like ham, but then being offended that the StepD brought fast food for herself.
And the StepD was passive/aggressive in bringing fast food to the dinner and arriving late.
This controlling behavior by the OP is a recipe for ongoing resentment. Because you, OP, had a very specific idea of exactly how this should all go, but you didn't plan the seating to accommodate all adults eating at the same time.
Had you just allowed everyone to grab a plate and then go sit wherever they wanted (dining room, kitchen, or wherever) this could have been avoided.
Your step-daughter is wrong and I would have said the same thing. Clearly no respect was shown towards her family...setting a precedence for what her husband can expect from here on out.
Wondering why it would upset you if your son's name did sound like a black person's name?
It's a name you chose and a name you like. Who the f cares what other people think? I can see being slightly offended by someone saying "sounds like a name for a idiot", "or sounds like a stripper name"; but I can't comprehend feeling slighted because someone indicated that it sounds like a name from another race? Do you feel that race is bad?
I don't see what's racist about this - and I'm normally the first to call this out.
Wondering why it would upset you if your son's name did sound like a black person's name?
It's a name you chose and a name you like. Who the f cares what other people think? I can see being slightly offended by someone saying "sounds like a name for a idiot", "or sounds like a stripper name"; but I can't comprehend feeling slighted because someone indicated that it sounds like a name from another race? Do you feel that race is bad?
No, I don't have a problem with that race or any. The point is that SHE does and she makes no apologies for it,and she said it meaning for it to be derogatory!
Jeez, if you can turn that into something bad on MY part, then I don't know what to say.
This was the first Christmas dinner at OUR house. My inlaws recently downsized significantly (like I said, they're 78 & 80 yrs old.). She never brought her own food to my MILs. But apparently it was OK to bring to my house. I never noticed my MIL providing any other meat besides ham at Christmas.
You want to hear our menu, since you think this poor girl had to bring her own food to avoid starving? We had ham (obvi), sweet potato soufflé, regular mashed potatoes, green beans, baked beans, creamed corn, rolls & a pound cake. (I made all that). My MIL brought ham, a fruit salad, cookies & some candy. In addition, I had various crackers, cheese balls, hummus, chips, etc.
But I guess it wasn't enough!
Am I misunderstanding or are you saying that you had two hams knowing full well that your stepdaughter doesn't like it? Since your MIL was bringing a ham, why not make a turkey breast or roast chicken or even a small tray of lasagna?
Honestly, I see nothing wrong with her bringing something she likes to eat, even if it is taco bell. You stated earlier that this was not meant to be a formal dinner, your husband prefers casual. If a taco is what she wants for her Christmas dinner, so what? I just don't see how that is offensive to you.
25+ years ago, my mom always hosted holiday dinners. We'd put on a huge spread - turkey, ham, lamb, lasagna and tons of sides. My uncle was a vegan at the time and would bring his own food that seemed incredibly weird to us at the time - strange grains, tofu etc. (stuff that I like these days) We never were offended by that - except for when he forgot his tupperware of weird stuff in the fridge
No, I don't have a problem with that race or any. The point is that SHE does and she makes no apologies for it,and she said it meaning for it to be derogatory!
Jeez, if you can turn that into something bad on MY part, then I don't know what to say.
Then, I have no idea why you let any offhanded comment offend you.....and to still harp on it years later. You need to let things go.
Before you knew they would be late, back when you thought you'd have to seat 10 people (or 9? 6 adults + 3 children?) at once, how did you envision the seating?
Then, I have no idea why you let any offhanded comment offend you.....and to still harp on it years later. You need to let things go.
Years later?? Who said it was years? My child is only 2.5 yrs old and the comment was made a couple of months ago.
Iveneverhad so many words put in my mouth in my whole life!
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