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I wouldn't get so angry with her now. She has no manners and eventually someone will straighten her out, you had a chance to call her on her rude behavior but let it go. You may want to tell her next time she wants to go to Taco Bell she can eat it before coming over. Someone needs to talk to her. If she does this often she won't be getting invited to many dinners....
I didn't go into the relationship with a predisposition toward her. And considering what she's probably heard from her mother, it's remarkable that she even comes around. I'm sure her mom isn't pleased that she & her brother choose to spend any time at all here. It's not the fact that she is my step-daughter.....if ANY one I knew made the kind of rude & hurtful comments she's made, I wouldn't be fond of them either. But I could choose not to have them in my home.
Going forward, she will be included in the menu planning and I'll ask her to contribute something to the meal that she likes. And I'll make damn sure there are MORE than enough seats available, and I won't expect to sit in anywhere specific.
At the same time, this is MY home and I don't have to put up with anyone acting disrespectfully to me or my children.
I didn't go into the relationship with a predisposition toward her. And considering what she's probably heard from her mother, it's remarkable that she even comes around. I'm sure her mom isn't pleased that she & her brother choose to spend any time at all here. It's not the fact that she is my step-daughter.....if ANY one I knew made the kind of rude & hurtful comments she's made, I wouldn't be fond of them either. But I could choose not to have them in my home.
Going forward, she will be included in the menu planning and I'll ask her to contribute something to the meal that she likes. And I'll make damn sure there are MORE than enough seats available, and I won't expect to sit in anywhere specific.
At the same time, this is MY home and I don't have to put up with anyone acting disrespectfully to me or my children.
I wonder if you are just getting back what you give out?
I didn't go into the relationship with a predisposition toward her. And considering what she's probably heard from her mother, it's remarkable that she even comes around. I'm sure her mom isn't pleased that she & her brother choose to spend any time at all here. It's not the fact that she is my step-daughter.....if ANY one I knew made the kind of rude & hurtful comments she's made, I wouldn't be fond of them either. But I could choose not to have them in my home.
But how many people would choose not to have their daughters in their home? She is YOUR daughter now. You have to think of her as such, love her accordingly.
Quote:
Going forward, she will be included in the menu planning and I'll ask her to contribute something to the meal that she likes. And I'll make damn sure there are MORE than enough seats available, and I won't expect to sit in anywhere specific.
Sounds like a great plan
Quote:
At the same time, this is MY home and I don't have to put up with anyone acting disrespectfully to me or my children.
I wish I could say that sometimes. But I am married so it is our home. So he equally gets input upon who comes here
I agree you don't need to put up with bad behavior!
At the same time, you do need to be clear to your stepdaughter the behaviors she needs to adhere to and be explicit, but nice. While yes, one would think at 22 she'd know better, apparently she doesn't, or does but doesn't care, and it needs to be spelled out for her so she'll know it. Lets assume it's bad parenting combined with some bitterness at her original family breaking apart. Pretend she was raised by wolves in a forest. Proceed from there.
You have to deal directly to get at the heart of any passive/aggressive behaviors, otherwise you're contributing by being passive/aggressive yourself. That is a no-win situation and won't result in an outcome you'll be happy about.
You absolutely get to create rules for your household, in concert with your husband. So create your rules & boundaries, and be open about them and communicate ahead of time so no one has to guess at your rules and preferences. That keeps you in control and leaves no room for someone clueless or insolent like your stepD to have to intuit what she should or should not do.
And reward good behavior, which reinforces more good behavior.
P.S. You don't have to love her, you don't even have to like her, but creating a civil and peaceful coexistence is certainly desirable and, I believe, achievable.
So, because she is his child, she should be able to insult her half brother, say mean things about my daughters, openly critique our home, decor, etc? What planet do you people live on?
I wouldn't act like that to someone I DON'T like, much less my step-parent & elder.
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