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As a side note, Carol Channing, famous actress, always carried her own food and bottled water with her when invited out to dinner. Even when attending public events such as awards dinners. Of course, being a celebrity, no one thought to condemn her for this, instead chalking it up to eccentricity.
Carol Channing is still alive and kicking at 94. And still self-catering.
I distrust the cooking of certain relatives and I don't like what is usually served. As a kid, I would visit my mom's side of the family first and not eat anything and then I would visit my dad's side of the family and eat there because the food was better...and I still do this. I have a really big extended family and the rest of my relatives aren't picky about food, so I have no expectation of anyone preparing something specific for me that they know I'll eat. I'd just rather eat before I come or eat later.
Great point (this thread really needs to die... it's gotten way OT) - my Mom keeps meat out for HOURS! (cooked, raw - doesn't matter
So, because she is his child, she should be able to insult her half brother, say mean things about my daughters, openly critique our home, decor, etc? What planet do you people live on?
I wouldn't act like that to someone I DON'T like, much less my step-parent & elder.
THE HEIGHT OF INSULT!!
OUTRAGE!!
FURY!!
Come on.
She behaved somewhat rudely coming in with the Taco Bell. That reflects on her, and is not the highest insult if in fact she doesn't like ham and it was known to be a casual thing. I wouldn't do it, and yes I would raise an eyebrow over it. That's about it. Pretty sure it wasn't directed at anyone, and if it was, it may have been in reaction to her (immature) perception that no one cares what she likes to eat, they just keep on serving ham (at Christmas! lol. Millenials.). Which, really, is understandable though immature for a stepchild walking into a house where everyone belongs more than she does. If she is self-centered, she has lots of justification to be in this situation. Which doesn't make it right but might help you empathize. Either way, it's a small thing, to giggle about later with your husband. Certainly not a "diss". Lordy.
The seat thing, is a non-event. You are really looking for something there. It was a casual event at her dad's house, there was an empty chair, she sat in it. Just as you yourself said you expected to happen.
But the thing about her "insulting" your child (actually just commenting on his name) is absolutely ridiculous. LIGHTEN UP. You are looking for reasons to be offended. "J.B. Jones" (for example) DOES sound like a big black guy. So what? That's kind of funny, and also true. I'd probably have the thought myself, and depending on who it was (and how I know them to take things....) might even mention out loud. Or not, if I knew the parent to be a drama queen... Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with his name. It's not something I would really expect a stranger to point out (though I wouldn't get all huffy if someone did so), but for the kid's sister to say it should be within the bounds of reason within a family.
Family is, largely, about putting up with a lot of stuff from the people we love. You know, everybody fumbles the ball once in a while. Your hostessing, for example, and attitude toward such, could use a little improvement. Doesn't mean your family should hold it against you for an age. A young girl made a rather obvious if inartful observation about her brother's name. Probably one he'll hear regularly from other people for the rest of his life. Are you going to teach him to be angry about it, or laugh about it and love it?
I get that you are in an uncomfortable situation with her. But so is she. Stepfamilies are hard, but they are MUCH harder on the children who have been powerless and pushed aside, really in the whole process. She didn't choose this, but you did.
When I'm uncomfortable, I can usually choose to be defensive or to laugh things off.
Please take a breath, don't sweat the small stuff (this is REALLY small stuff) and let this go. Laugh at yourself a little. Lower your expectations if need be (although again, you were quite willing to be casual as a hostess but are making mountains out of the molehill at her casual rudeness as a "guest" in her own father's house). You'll be happier. She'll be happier. Your husband will be happier. "Your" children will be happier.
Have a little empathy, cut a little slack. That's what families (and adults in general) do with the minor stuff.
Might try loving her with a little joy in your heart at the blessing of an extra child to whom you didn't have to give birth. One who will be the mother of your (step!)grandchildren. Embrace that with joy or look forward to many many more INSULTS!! And FURY!!
Merry Christmas!!
Really, people here are being pretty gentle with you on the whole, and trying to be helpful. Do try to take it all graciously, in the spirit it's intended.
Maybe I'll have Domino's pizza delivered our table at her wedding reception.
Her dad (my husband) is a typical man....oblivious to most things unless he's hit over the head. The girl's mother....I have no idea what kind of manners she has or doesn't have. If she has any, she either didn't pass them on to her daughter or her daughter chooses not to use them.
It will be interesting to see how this wedding plays out!
Wow. Just wow. Why would you marry a person you think is oblivious?
And why would you think of trying to 'get even' with the daughter by ordering pizza?
I would make sure she ate some vegetables with the Taco Bell. Then probably lecture her on the complete lack of nutritional value..... as I normally do with kids.
Sounds like the OP is hoping her wedding will go awry. Very adult.
Can't agree with this more.
OP, be the bigger person and let this go. She's still a kid, and if she's getting married, I would try to make that the happiest day or her life. Think of yours... please be empathetic.
Don't make some kind of scene at her wedding. That would be horrific.
Lot of drama on this thread. Get a grip, it's just seating, a child from a broken marriage, a new wife whose trying to position herself. Daughter will always be husband's blood, respect that. If you love him, try to find the things in step daughter that remind you of him, and concentrate on that.
My dad told me you should never judge another's actions unless you walked a day in their shoes.
And I hate ham.
Sorry Ms. Aragon, I just don't have the stomach for it. Some people do, some don't.
Last edited by TerraDown; 12-29-2015 at 04:51 PM..
I'm not joking. My entire husband's family is a bunch of jokesters. I might not even have to say anything....they will probably beat me to it! His parents are old, but they're a hoot.
Yes, but their jokes probably come from a place of love, your "joke" would be come from a place of anger because you felt "dissed". As you don't have a very good relationship with your stepdaughter, she might not enjoy you constantly bringing up such an insignificant event.
Giving her a taco bell gift card next Christmas along with an actual gift is probably as far as you should take the joke. Any more then that, and she'll probably be telling you to get over it. Or she might even start avoiding you all together.
"We no longer host this sadly because of family issues on both sides. I was very upset when I canceled it last year. This was my first happy Christmas in years! I didn't spend 3 days in the kitchen making dozens of dishes for people who didn't like me. I mean I've been married to the man for over 19 years clearly I'm not going anywhere so get over yourself and if you can't, then we just can't be in your life anymore. It was soooo nice having a stress free Christmas! No one barking orders or complaining there are only 2 shrimp left. The quiet was lovely!"
Pretty serious family drama to cancel altogether! I'm sure you're well-equipped to pass judgment on others & give advice.
After having several relatives call me and SCREAM at me about the food I was making and the timing of things, yes I canceled. Who needs that abuse? Notice I didn't create a thread about my horrible family Christmas?
My husband's family HATES me. Has since the day they heard about me. We've been married for over 19 years. People need to get over themselves. His sisters get their jollies off on trying to suck the joy out of every family event we have. They are EXTREMELY demanding and offer no help of any kind.
I don't see you making numerous meals for people. You didn't even make the meat! I on the other hand always made a ham AND either a duck, goose, or turkey. There were close to 20 side dishes and a dozen hors d'oeuvres. Dessert was at least 10 kinds of cookies, 2 types of ice cream, 3-4 pies, and a cake.
The last year, I was told I needed to make specific meals for each of the nephews in addition to everything else. I am no a short order cook. I was also told what brands of food I needed to buy for them. Sorry, but if you require a special diet for your children, then you should provide it and be willing to cook it. There's no sign outside my house that says ss20ts restaurant.
The food issues were just the tip of the iceberg. When there are family who have made you life a living hell for over 20 years and you finally stick up for yourself and tell them to **** off, then we can chat. And put out enough damn chairs! I did not have a chair or table shortage. I have plenty of folding tables and chairs for get togethers.
The last year, I was told I needed to make specific meals for each of the nephews in addition to everything else. I am no a short order cook. I was also told what brands of food I needed to buy for them. Sorry, but if you require a special diet for your children, then you should provide it and be willing to cook it. There's no sign outside my house that says ss20ts restaurant.
Damn. I'm getting heated here just reading this. This is ballsy. I don't know how you didn't put your foot up someone's arse a long time ago.
Whew. I need to go watch a kung-fu movie so I can calm down.
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Unless, I missed something 
