Christmas Presents - I Got Left Out (brother, sister, adults)
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Oh my gosh, both your grandparents are in assisted living. They may be suffering from the early stages of dementia. With both my grandmother and my mother in law, both of whom were naturally VERY thoughtful and generous women and gift givers, one of the first things to "go" with their minds was this sort of thing. In fact, we all realized that there was seriously something wrong with their minds BECAUSE of their suddenly strange behavior involving gift giving. This was one of the first signs of dementia in both of them.
My mother in law started by asking my husband to go shopping for me "from her," because it was harder for her to get around. She would set the budget at about $100 - and then for two years in a row, she didn't pay him back, and he felt awkward about asking her. The second year, before we knew she had Alzheimers but after we knew she was getting a little strange around the edges, my husband asked to hide the gift he had bought me at his mom's house. Somehow she got this all twisted up in her mind and thought he was asking her to wrap a bunch of gifts (he had bought me a couple of gifts). Then she got mad about that - this imaginary scenario - and then was all huffy and puffy on Christmas Day and we had no idea what she was so crunk about. Then my husband asked her "Where are those gifts I hid from Kathryn over here?" so he could go get them, and she got FURIOUS and very defensive and went running off to her room and wouldn't come out - come to find out, she hadn't wrapped the gifts - so what, he hadn't expected that - and now she thought he was going to fuss at her about it and so she was all upset. SO STRANGE. Plus - she didn't pay him back for the gift he had bought me "from her" either. GRRR. But we talked about it on the way home and the next day we had a heart to heart talk with her husband about the state of her mind - and finally got him to agree to get her some help.
With my dear grandmother, who had always showered everyone with gifts, the year before we realized she had dementia, she gave everyone some very strange gifts that had obviously come out of her SHED in the back yard. She gave me a mildewed man's robe, for pete's sake! She gave my dad something like a hammer and gave my mom a flower pot - with some dirt in it. Totally weird - and she had plenty of money and was still driving, shopping, etc. Things that make you go "Hmmmm."
Oh, and the last couple of years that my inlaws and my grandmother were alive, they got really weird and confused about holidays in general. For instance, my inlaws made very concrete plans to come to our house for Easter dinner the year before they both just cratered (my father in law was still driving at this point) - and they just forgot. Just forgot. Forgot Easter completely in fact. We were sitting there with the table set, other people waiting, and couldn't reach them by phone. FINALLY we got hold of them and they said, "Oh, it's Easter? Oh - we just got in from going out to eat after church." AFTER CHURCH? How on earth did they not know it was Easter??????
I say all this to point out that there may be some mental slipping going on with them. Cut them some slack. A lot of slack, actually. Your Christmases with them are limited. Don't let this erratic behavior negatively impact the few holidays together that you have with them.
Exactly! ^^^^
OP-I'd worry more about them spending (precious) time with YOU! They are obviously on their last leg of journey here on earth. Make the most and best of the time you have left with them. Time can't be bought or bought back. Be thankful for all the years they provided love and gifts for you. That's big in a day and age where most kids don't even know or have grandparents. Or the kids have so many from the multiple relationships each of their parents have had that they really have none because of such complex and tragic circumstances.
I know it hurts. It could be just a oversite. Maybe have your mom inquire about it.
Forget about it, already. Don't drag your Mom, or anyone else into it. It's over...what's your age? You sound young and without any of life's true worries...Have a nice New Year.
Koale
With those food gift baskets many times the "to:" portion only extends for x number of characters... so your name easily could have been on the order but not printed on the packing slip. Those are computer prepared with the greeting.
At least your grandparents are still alive. I lost both grandpas when I was 2 and 4 and my grandma passed 4 years ago. I only have 1 grandma left and she lives in a different state. And my dad died a couple of years ago so in MY family, we are just trying to make it through without falling apart. We don't care about presents, we just want to spend the time together. Material things are not important. It's time spent with your loved ones that is important. I think that you need to get your priorities in order.
How old are you? Are you still a teenager? You've likely never had to experience what it feels like to lose a loved one yet so you have no idea what it's like to have to try to get through the holidays missing your grandparents or your parents, all of whom I'm sure you still have with you. Consider yourself lucky. So you didn't get a present, big deal. Shake it off!
Meh. If you make enough money on your own to give a gift to your grandparents, you shouldn't expect to receive one in return. That's called growing up.
Personally, I think you should be ashamed to even consider you might get a gift from your grandparents that are in assisted living and are probably on a very tight budget.
So is it confirmed or not that the grandpa was possibly going to pass by Christmas and that this person is saying why didn't my dying grandpa get me anything?
How it works here is, If you don't give, you don't get.
We don't do that. I buy things for people in my family that I know can't afford to reciprocate. That is a weird attitude to have towards grandchildren, IMO.
I don't know how old you are, but honestly, the earlier in life you get past this mentality of "someone else got something and I didn't", the better off you will be in life. This is just another facet of the "keeping up with the Jones's" mindset.
You then said it isn't about not getting a gift, but about not being acknowledged. My guess is that they don't even realize they didn't give you anything. My grandma used to send out cards with money in them on birthdays to all her grandchildren. Several times, mine arrived without money in them. She would then ask me later what I spent the money on. I would make something up. My mom said that happened to several of my cousins, too. My guess is that your grandparents think they got you something.
Christmas gift giving is all about materialism. Just be grateful that your grandparents were both still with you for another Christmas morning. Did you get a hug from them? That's the best acknowledgement anyone should ask for. As long as they let you know they love you, a gift or a reason for not giving a gift should never be necessary.
Full disclosure: My husband and I have never exchanged Christmas gifts in the 15 years we've been married. About 3 or 4 years ago, our extended families stopped doing gift exchanges as well. We make it all about the experience of being together instead of about "stuff".
I wish more families viewed the holidays like yours. does!
This year on Christmas morning I went to see my Grandparents as I always do. But this year as we exchanged gifts, I didn't get one from them. I didn't say anything, but I'm a little hurt. It's not even that I didn't get a present, it's that there was not even any acknowledgement that I wasn't getting one. I've always gotten a present and if money was tight (it isn't), they could have said something. I don't even think Grandma knows I didn't get anything as Grandpa seemed to be the one in charge of buying presents.
Is it wrong for me to be upset? Again, it's not that I didn't get a gift that upsets me (well... ok, it does) but it's more that there was no acknowledgement of it and my parents and my uncle got a gift. Should I have said something? Should I still say something? I'll see them Tuesday.
I'm not asking for a gift, just an explanation (although an apology for not even acknowledging it would be nice). I sat there Christmas morning wondering if I had done something to offend them. I felt like crying. I mean, if I decided to stop exchanging gifts with someone, I would at least say so beforehand. I wouldn't just leave them wondering if they had offended me or something.
Hey, remember they may leave you a chunk in their will. Play it soft and tread lightly....My Grandmother left nothing (Even Social Security took back their check...she didn't make it to the end of the month) for us but some trinkets....
Treat the old birds nicely, they may do the same. If not, then go a **** on their graves afterward....
This year on Christmas morning I went to see my Grandparents as I always do. But this year as we exchanged gifts, I didn't get one from them. I didn't say anything, but I'm a little hurt. It's not even that I didn't get a present, it's that there was not even any acknowledgement that I wasn't getting one. I've always gotten a present and if money was tight (it isn't), they could have said something. I don't even think Grandma knows I didn't get anything as Grandpa seemed to be the one in charge of buying presents.
Is it wrong for me to be upset? Again, it's not that I didn't get a gift that upsets me (well... ok, it does) but it's more that there was no acknowledgement of it and my parents and my uncle got a gift. Should I have said something? Should I still say something? I'll see them Tuesday.
I'm not asking for a gift, just an explanation (although an apology for not even acknowledging it would be nice). I sat there Christmas morning wondering if I had done something to offend them. I felt like crying. I mean, if I decided to stop exchanging gifts with someone, I would at least say so beforehand. I wouldn't just leave them wondering if they had offended me or something.
I have trouble replying to this with anything that won't be a direct personal attack. The best I can say is that you need to develop a value system that is not so materialistic. If you have to accumulate stuff, buy it yourself.
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oh geez...
