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When I lived back in Tennessee, I frequented a deli for lunch two or three times a week for several years. As you'd expect, I got to know most of the employees pretty well. I'll stop back in occasionally when I go home, and I did yesterday before I came back here.
One of the employees said hi to me and that there is someone who looks just like me who comes in there sometimes. I didn't recognize her voice or her appearance. She's the only black employee that ever worked there and obviously I knew who it was then, but I didn't recognize her at all. She had cut her hair super short, is probably in her 40s but looked like she had aged 20 more years, and was missing several front teeth I never remembered being gone before.
I'm not sure how long it's been since I've seen her, but probably not more than a year and she looked fine last time I saw her. It seems obvious she's gone through some serious health issues, but I was just at a loss for words at her deterioration and had no clue what to say.
When I lived back in Tennessee, I frequented a deli for lunch two or three times a week for several years. As you'd expect, I got to know most of the employees pretty well. I'll stop back in occasionally when I go home, and I did yesterday before I came back here.
One of the employees said hi to me and that there is someone who looks just like me who comes in there sometimes. I didn't recognize her voice or her appearance. She's the only black employee that ever worked there and obviously I knew who it was then, but I didn't recognize her at all. She had cut her hair super short, is probably in her 40s but looked like she had aged 20 more years, and was missing several front teeth I never remembered being gone before.
I'm not sure how long it's been since I've seen her, but probably not more than a year and she looked fine last time I saw her. It seems obvious she's gone through some serious health issues, but I was just at a loss for words at her deterioration and had no clue what to say.
What do you say to someone in this situation?
A simple "Hi, how have you been!" works great. I would not bring up the fact that she looks like she's gong through some health issues or has fewer teeth then the last time you saw her.
A simple "Hi, how have you been!" works great. I would not bring up the fact that she looks like she's gong through some health issues or has fewer teeth then the last time you saw her.
It was so sad. It was hard to focus on anything but the dramatic appearance change.
It was so sad. It was hard to focus on anything but the dramatic appearance change.
You say hello. This is an acquaintance not an old friend or relative. It is sad, but you treat her with respect and are friendly. If she decided to share anything with you(which is unlikely) than you can respond accordingly.
Your story reminds me of having lunch with an old friend/coworker who was seriously ill and passed a few months later. A few of us met him for lunch blocks from were we worked as he didn't want to be seen by other people we worked with. He was out on benefits. Someone who worked at our company unfortunately ended up there as well, this woman came over and said to him "what's wrong with you you're so thin"(he was terminal and very thin), I wanted to strangle her. He just said "I'm not well". I couldn't believe how rude she was and clueless.
You say hello. This is an acquaintance not an old friend or relative. It is sad, but you treat her with respect and are friendly. If she decided to share anything with you(which is unlikely) than you can respond accordingly.
Your story reminds me of having lunch with an old friend/coworker who was seriously ill and passed a few months later. A few of us met him for lunch blocks from were we worked as he didn't want to be seen by other people we worked with. He was out on benefits. Someone who worked at our company unfortunately ended up there as well, this woman came over and said to him "what's wrong with you you're so thin"(he was terminal and very thin), I wanted to strangle her. He just said "I'm not well". I couldn't believe how rude she was and clueless.
I have a hard time recognizing faces. I literally have to see you 10 times and spend a significant amount of time to recognize your face. (so basically we are friends for a time). This has been awkward in a couple situations. I try to pretend that I know who they are. Sometimes I pull it off.
Recently, my hubby and I were at Costco and we saw an old neighbor. I recognized him immediately since we lived next to each other for years. However, his companion I wasn't sure about. Is she the tech I worked with in the hospital (saw on occasion) that he dated when we moved or some new girl... It'd been 10 years. I did the only smart thing. Treated her in between "I know you" and "I don't know you." It's a tricky thing.
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