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I despise them. No real reason. My dad left when I was 4. Stopped seeing him when I was 10. Saw him 2 year's ago when 26. Dad is superficial and I don't know that side of the family I am good never seeing or knowing them again.
My mom's side all they do is argue. Call each other fat, loosers, lazy, and hold vindictive grudges. If you don't do thing's their way theu stay upset at you. I am tired of that.
OK
I don't see anything wrong
If they come to you for help or advice, you can be open to them then
Enjoy your new relationship ! Be good to your significant other, and a role model for future generations
My mom dies when I was 7 and dad when I was 19. I'd move heaven and earth to have been able to have had them around for a couple more decades.
Being so snotty about family may not be as good as think.
That's how you feel. That's not how everyone feels. Everyone doesn't have a great family. Many of us have crappy families. Some are super crappy. Don't judge until you walk a few miles in someone else's shoes.
OP, look at this way. If you had friends who had all the same personalities of your family, would you want to keep them as friends?
I cut my parents out of my life for more than ten years. I had let them constantly push my buttons and that made them happy and me miserable. I simply didn't know how to keep my buttons from being pushed, but I decided on the next best course of action: keep my buttons away from them. It worked for me. When I finally began talking to my mom again, I had a much better idea of my self worth and what I would and wouldn't stand for. And I was secure enough to just walk away when things got nasty and I didn't want to fight about it.
A lot of it depends on how insistent your family is on knowing what you're doing all the time. I was lucky. I'd die of old age before my parents ever called or wrote me, so it was easy to just drop off the radar. But I can appreciate how much harder it would be to play dead if your family insisted on keeping in contact with you or lived close enough to come by if they didn't hear from you.
Sometimes you need a little perspective in your life and getting some time away from the people who irritate you can be what it takes to get that perspective. I just wouldn't burn my bridges because you may eventually want to reestablish contact, and you don't want years of resentment turned against you when you do. But for a little while, why not cut them off? Tell them you're on sabbatical, doing a project which requires all your time, are in witness protection, or something else. What you're really doing is drawing a line in the sand as to how you want to relate to your family on your terms, and as it's your life, you can make the terms whatever you want. It's up to them to accept those terms or not. You just have to be prepared for what happens if those terms are either accepted or rejected and if you can live with result.
My mom dies when I was 7 and dad when I was 19. I'd move heaven and earth to have been able to have had them around for a couple more decades.
Being so snotty about family may not be as good as think.
That sounds like it was very difficult for you.
I wish mine died instead of yours. Every time i hear of parents dying, i thi k of what a tragedy it is that mine are still alive yet ones who will be missed are dead.
I don't know why I feel that my mom only raised me because she had to. Moving back in recently renting a room feels that the responsibility is wearing thin, though plan to be put by end of summer. On occasion my mom has said I have been a burden on her and passing the burden on to some else now.
My dad just never had a relationship I don't know if I want to continue restarting that relationship.
I really get what you are saying. Our family was way less than healthy emotionally, my parents making the motions with zero joy because they suddenly "found" themselves with a passel of kids.
Get some distance from your family, either emotional or physical or both. That means they go to voice mail and you return calls when you are ready. If they make demands that seem to be irrational, you are too busy with work or other pressing concerns to come rushing at their beck and call. Just because your were birthed in your family does not mean that you are chained to them especially if their demands are not reasonable. You are about to take on another family and your parents need to respect that your new family comes first. You decide how much you feel is reasonable due.
Frankly I needed 3600 miles, counseling and 25 years to learn to effectively deal with my family. With some it might not be possible so you need to establish boundaries that you can live with both now and in the future. I wish you luck.
Each of us has to decide for ourselves who we want and who we don't want in our lives. I personally believe it's never wrong to eliminate toxic, dysfunctional emotional vampires who are selfish narcissists from your life. I live in the light, not in the shadow of someones ravaged dark soul. Life is too short to spend a second of it unhappy, and that includes eliminating family members from the dark side.
I've phased out my family of origin from my life. They are manipulative, mean, and passive aggressive. I always used to get stomach aches and other ailments before family gatherings. I steal dream of that idealistic family but it won't happen. I'm happy with the in-laws as the only people I consider family, even though one o them I see on a regular basis has serious mental issues.
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! Be good to your significant other, and a role model for future generations
