Did something gutsy....I think. (father, siblings, member, wealthy)
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Not because they might help with money (they probably won't) but because if she could basically die at any time from this, it's awful that her family won't at least visit and try to be kind. You don't have to extend money, to extend love, and I know which one is more valuable. Maybe they won't listen, but at least you tried to get the message through.
This is one of those things, because the idea occurred to you, if she did die and you had said nothing, you might regret forever that you didn't even try. Now, at least you did what you could, and whatever they do is up to them.
I lost a friend to heroin last year, and I don't think I could have prevented that, but I really regret that I wasn't a better friend, wasn't there when he needed someone, basically that I did not TRY to make a difference and that happened. I also lost my Grandma, and I knew ahead of time that she was probably going to die soon, so I paid for my whole family to have a big place to stay in a peaceful fishing resort on the river there, basically a lodge where we could all spend time together with her before the end. That was one of the best things I have ever done and I'm grateful that she lived long enough for us to do that.
Often, the choices you make when someone's life is in the balance stay with you for a very long time, maybe forever. I think you did the right thing. I hope her family decides to, as well.
Exactly. I've contemplated saying something for all these years and if I didn't say something, I think I would have regretted it all my life. She's not going to be around very long and because she and my brother are too proud to say something, I thought I'd risk getting in deep **** with the whole family to hopefully start a spark under them. Her sister is a professor of religious studies at a prestigious university, her husband works for the DOJ....I know they have a conscience. I was hoping to move them to extend a gesture of love before its too late.
Regarding the money, I don't think they'll do anything either. I just wanted them to understand the extent of their need.
I am sorry to hear about your friend. The best of friendships are sometimes not enough to prevent such tragedies. Thank you for your feedback.
Your story has a lot of contradictions, on one hand you say they don't support their daughter and in fact reject her, yet you have meet them at your family gatherings.
In what specific way do they ask for help from your brother and his wife? Did they borrow his lawn mower or borrow thousands of dollars? What did your brother and his wife ask for that they did not agree to provide?
I don't see how this is any of your business.
Her parents have asked them to help them move, drive them to places, fix things, have their grandchildren help them at their house when they needed it. My bro and sis in law have always enjoyed having family gatherings at their house and have invited her parents. They have never invited my brother and sis in law to any family gatherings at their home. Even though they don't include her in any of their plans, she always includes them in hers. She's always trying to make things work with them; they sometimes accept her invitations but never reciprocate. That is what I mean by how they help them..
It's not a bad thing what you did
So don't worry about it,
sounds like a neutral inquiry and hopefully a neutral explanation or something positive at least will be given back / done
You're going to have one of two results. Either you won't get a reply. Or you're going to get a reply back that beats around the bush or tells you exactly what the issue is. And assuming the latter, don't act surprised or upset when the glaring problem is laid out in black and white.
It's clear the relationship was not okay with the parents and their daughter went with it anyway. This was decades ago too. So ripping open old wounds in the family are not going to help.
I don't know if what you did was good. If the family decides to be supportive, and to give some financial support, then I think you will be glad you wrote the letter. If this blows up in your face, then you will be sorry.
I do give you points for caring and trying to change the unsatisfactory status quo and I hope your letter pushes the family toward their daughter. To me it sounds as if they don't love the daughter as much as their other kids, and perhaps they are biased against her husbands ethnicity.
When doing something like writing a fateful letter, you should count the cost beforehand. How is this likely to affect relationships? and so forth. It sounds like to me you reached a tipping point and felt you had to act. I hope this works out well.
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
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I admire your guts. I know I wouldn't have had the cojones to do it, but I would have thought about it often.
I am looking forward to the outcome.
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