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TXT, everything you've listed about the house, all the issues and stipulations, being powerless-- That's par for the course, the true cost of a "free" home. It sounded like you've already checked out. Being home 1 week a month isn't taking care of the home and I bet also not part of the deal you had with your grandmothers. Better that this home be sold off than be a thorn on anyone's side.
I agree with Maciemom about the boyfriend issue. Stop side-stepping that issue.
Lastly, OP... You clearly do not understand how stressful caretaking is. Especially if that person (the "patient") has lost their damn mind. I don't blame your grandmother for having a breakdown. You need to be more kinder to and about your grandmother in that regard. She's old and has a lot on her plate.
Txtqueen has been posting the details about her life and her family on CD for years. Her grandmother has been more than generous financially. She has helped both Txtqueen and her boyfriend. Both of whom are unskilled and job hop. The financial help included buying a brand new car for her with the understanding txtqueen was going to pay her back. Which did not happen.
Txtqueen moved thinking she was going to inherit the house. The house will now be sold so grandma can pay to have G-gma taken care of. Looks like the ATM will be shut off and the recipients found that out.
Grandma needs to think of Grandma. No one else is.
TXT, everything you've listed about the house, all the issues and stipulations, being powerless-- That's par for the course, the true cost of a "free" home. It sounded like you've already checked out. Being home 1 week a month isn't taking care of the home and I bet also not part of the deal you had with your grandmothers. Better that this home be sold off than be a thorn on anyone's side.
I agree with Maciemom about the boyfriend issue. Stop side-stepping that issue.
Lastly, OP... You clearly do not understand how stressful caretaking is. Especially if that person (the "patient") has lost their damn mind. I don't blame your grandmother for having a breakdown. You need to be more kinder to and about your grandmother in that regard. She's old and has a lot on her plate.
I do. I see how much more miserable of a person she's become in the last 3 years.
She has help M-F 9-4 but GGM is way too much for her. GGM is angry and bitter, refuses to use her walker and gets out of bed in the middle of the night and falls. She busted open her head not too long ago going outside into the garage alone. Then forgot the next day why her head had staples.
GM is 77, she hasn't been able to do this for the last 6 years and won't listen to anyone about other alternatives. Thinks if she sticks her in a home, she'll die just to spite her. Everyone, including the caregiver my GM hired thinks that it's too much for my GM and that she needs to find a different living arrangement for her mother. As sad as it may be but she can't. It'll kill her.
1. It's not your house.
2. You don't pay rent.
3. Doing a few chores over the last three years does not make the house yours or make up for the fact that you pay no rent.
4. Grandma and Great Grandma can do whatever they want with the house including selling it.
5. Most adults your age pay their own way and are not dependents.
A few chores????
I'd say renovations aren't anything like chores.
Maybe GGM thinks using a walker is not something she should have to do and is refusing to doing anything that's not in her plan?
And GM won't listen to alternatives?
I'm sensing a family pattern of behavior and attitude.
She's 97.
Everytime I go over she's sitting on the couch, staring off into space. She then asks if I've seen anyone lurking around the house, ask where her brown boots are at her house, talks about a white teddy bear I once owned and then says how she doesn't want to be alive anymore.
Those are her only moments of clarity, when she says she's old can't see well, hear, hurts and doesn't want to be around anymore. Then scowls at everyone.
Scowls at people's clothes, scowls when they use their phones, scowls at everything.
I don't blame her. If I was 97 and nothing worked and all I did was sit around and do nothing I'd want it all to end too.
A few chores????
I'd say renovations aren't anything like chores.
This is what you've done in three years:
Quote:
In the bathroom we redid the tub surround, painted walls and put in a new light fixture.
In the process of redoing the walls in the bedroom.
We've pulled up the old nasty carpet in the living room, cleaned up the hardwood underneath.
While that is nice and all, it still does not negate the fact that you do not pay rent or own the home. If you want to have the house that you desire you'll need to pay for it. Grandma can kick you out at anytime for any reason. It's not your house.
You're arguing over the tiniest of details while ignoring the real issues. You are your boyfriend are not kids anymore. It's time to move out and pay your own way. If you want to be treated like adults, you need to act like adults.
She's 97.
Everytime I go over she's sitting on the couch, staring off into space. She then asks if I've seen anyone lurking around the house, ask where her brown boots are at her house, talks about a white teddy bear I once owned and then says how she doesn't want to be alive anymore.
Those are her only moments of clarity, when she says she's old can't see well, hear, hurts and doesn't want to be around anymore. Then scowls at everyone.
Scowls at people's clothes, scowls when they use their phones, scowls at everything.
I don't blame her. If I was 97 and nothing worked and all I did was sit around and do nothing I'd want it all to end too.
I thought the sarcasm was clear. I must be loosing my touch. Here:
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
It is more logical and practical for you to have already been saving for a home, not a wedding.
A home you can actually live in.
She's 97.
Everytime I go over she's sitting on the couch, staring off into space. She then asks if I've seen anyone lurking around the house, ask where her brown boots are at her house, talks about a white teddy bear I once owned and then says how she doesn't want to be alive anymore.
Those are her only moments of clarity, when she says she's old can't see well, hear, hurts and doesn't want to be around anymore. Then scowls at everyone.
Scowls at people's clothes, scowls when they use their phones, scowls at everything.
I don't blame her. If I was 97 and nothing worked and all I did was sit around and do nothing I'd want it all to end too.
Maybe you can step in and take care of Great Grandma full time since you sound like you think you'd do a better job then Grandma. See how easy it is to be a full time caretaker.
I don't see the painkillers as being a problem. I'm on the same, tramadol, and it's used for long term use. No build up of tolerance or addiction like narcotics. I also take muscle relaxers. I am completely functional.
The other issue. It's called adulthood, you choose whatever situation is best for you and don't complain about the rest. It's a choice. No one owes you anything. If you want something, YOU go get it. Don't complain when you receive a gift (free rent), if you chose to accept it.
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