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It is more logical and practical for you to have already been saving for a home, not a wedding.
A home you can actually live in.
I know this.
Everyone else here doesn't.
We're doing fine, were ok in our relationship, we've already been discussing how we want our wedding to be. We both want to wait till we can make it something we want.
Hence why a new place is in order now before that.
Maybe you can step in and take care of Great Grandma full time since you sound like you think you'd do a better job then Grandma. See how easy it is to be a full time caretaker.
Never said I could do a better job.
What I said was, she's been doing this for awhile now, we've been pointing out to her for nearly a decade now she needs to do something different.
Now it's affecting her health and sanity to a point she's breaking down.
I'm not telling her to keep doing it, I'm not telling her I can do a better job. Simply saying SHE needs to tap out, get help and not be the full time residence for her mother.
I couldn't do, not like she tolerates.
She's put up with her for the last 15 years.
My GGM is the hardest person to live around.
She doesn't like dogs in the house. To her dogs are outdoors only, you feed and water them.
So when my little dog comes inside GMs house GGM is appalled by the fact he's inside, when explained to that its winter and my tiny little 30lb dog can't stay outside the whole time were there but the big one can she doesn't get it. She thinks it's ridiculous he has a hoodie he wears when it's cold.
If she lived with me she'd rage all day about the dogs being indoors.
Be appalled to find them in bed with us at night.
She'd smack at them, put them outside even thought they can't be out there without one of us.
She'd always have something to say about my clothes.
She'd always have something to say about what I was doing. My grandmother can't even sit in her office and use her computer without her mother losing her mind and raging.
Not to mention there isn't a single lock on any of the interior doors in the house I'm in and she's not a knock first kind of person. Cockblock and no privacy.
Not to mention she thinking vape clouds are the same as cig smoke, so she'd always be following me around and fusing at me for literally everything I did.
My grandmother has less to hide and less to be yelled at for. I'd have to sneak around the house like a teenager.
Is GM selling the house in order to lessen her stressors and maybe even get a little money to help pay for GGM's care? Sounds like a good plan.
She could have at least not promised so much before we moved out there and came to terms with putting her mom somewhere sooner.
Since she couldn't do either I now have to deal with the effects from her finally breaking down.
She could have done all this 3 years ago before it got so bad and I never would have moved out there.
Never would have been in the accident and never would have been in this position.
We had options too.
We could have gotten a place with his old roommate. She was moving same time we were.
My old room was available at my moms house as something temporary, she moved not long after we did too.
We could have stayed.
I wanted to be closer and she needed help.
She's saved money by having my boyfriend and I do things instead of paying to have them fixed and I've thrown money into a house that's now being sold. Why in the hell would I sign up to throw money into something I wasn't going to get anything back from? I wouldn't.
I know this.
Everyone else here doesn't.
We're doing fine, were ok in our relationship, we've already been discussing how we want our wedding to be. We both want to wait till we can make it something we want.
Hence why a new place is in order now before that.
Why are you talking about a wedding when you don't even have a home?
Hopefully one day soon you will figure out the order of importance when it comes to priorities.
Also, why are you so upset about a woman who has dementia not giving you what you think she promised? She was probably in early stages when those promises were made and does not remember them.
You could also take all of the money you have saved over the last 3 years and purchase this home.
It would probably be helpful to your grandmother if you moved in with her and helped watch your great grandma while she sells the house to get some money to pay for professional care. It would be temporary, and the poor woman is, after all, having a breakdown. Your bf could keep the dogs with him as he travels. Once the house is sold, you can go back on the road with your bf and save up for a place to live.
You should definitely get married at your earliest opportunity. Legal ties will provide you some protections. For one thing, if your bf gets a job that provides insurance, he'll be able to cover you, and for another, you'll be entitled to some of his Social Security if your marriage lasts 10 years. Marriage is not about the wedding, and if you want an elaborate shindig that much, you can always have a vow renewal down the road, when you are in better financial shape.
What doesn't seem to be getting through is that free rent for 3 years does not equate about $1000 (at best) in repairs - unless the going rent there is $25 per month.
You mention that you help with things at your GM's house from time to time. Most people DO help their parents/grandparents with stuff from time to time. That's not unusual or tied in with expecting a free house.
Doesn't matter anyway - sounds like the free ride is coming to an end. Wasn't part of the plan?
It would probably be helpful to your grandmother if you moved in with her and helped watch your great grandma while she sells the house to get some money to pay for professional care. It would be temporary, and the poor woman is, after all, having a breakdown. Your bf could keep the dogs with him as he travels. Once the house is sold, you can go back on the road with your bf and save up for a place to live.
You should definitely get married at your earliest opportunity. Legal ties will provide you some protections. For one thing, if your bf gets a job that provides insurance, he'll be able to cover you, and for another, you'll be entitled to some of his Social Security if your marriage lasts 10 years. Marriage is not about the wedding, and if you want an elaborate shindig that much, you can always have a vow renewal down the road, when you are in better financial shape.
Social Security. ..is the BF actually receiving a legit paycheck with taxes etc witheld? Or, if he is considering himself an independent contractor, is he keeping records and paying taxes?
Maybe I need to reclarify.
GGM owns the house I live in. She tells me do what I want as long as I'm happy.
GM owns her own home 15 minutes across town. However she handles GGMs stuff because GGM is 97 and isn't all there.
GGM yells and screams at GM when we aren't there about how people are living out at her home and she thinks there going to steal her yellow wheelbarrow and this pair of shoes she keeps asking about. Then screams to GM about how it's her house and she wants to do what she wants. She wants to live out there. (She can't live alone so she can't.)
The shower head I was talking about was at HER house.
We put in a shower head and installed her canopy.
As far as the house I'm at goes...
In the bathroom we redid the tub surround, painted walls and put in a new light fixture.
In the process of redoing the walls in the bedroom.
We've pulled up the old nasty carpet in the living room, cleaned up the hardwood underneath.
At my grandmothers house we've sealed her driveway and fixed everything she's needed fixed.
I was told one thing before I moved out here. Promised things that never happened.
It's been a nightmare and I've done stuff.
I've asked to change the faucet in the kitchen that leaks. Something I even know how to do myself.
Wanted to go buy a new one with my own money and change it out.
First excuse is no my great grandmother doesn't want anything in the kitchen changed.
I point out that it's not changing, it NEEDS to be fixed. Issue changes from ggm not liking it to gm saying I have no idea how and she's not paying for someone to do it.
I went in depth on the process of how to change it , explained to her exactly what you have to do to change a faucet. She doesn't want to hear it and it's end of discussion. Yet when she asked me to go clear a flower bed just to make her mother happy I got my blanket out and sat my happy ass in the drive way and spent hours doing it because I had to be careful and not bend, had to take lots of breaks.
I put up with months of hating the curtains because they were so sheer and offered zero privacy at night.
Begged and begged to be able to go buy stuff you can't see through. She goes and picks out white ones.
My house is horridly bright every morning and they still don't offer much in the way of privacy.
Again going to spend our money and again my GM tells me no because my GGM wouldn't want it. (She's rarely there.) She visits the house once every few months. I'd even be willing to take down my stuff for a few hours while she visits and stick up her stuff so the rest of the year I'm not looking at decor I hate.
I can't even open the damn kitchen windows.
Bottles, decorative bottles...decorative everything....
I took everything down one day, cleaned the windows, whole kitchen. Boxed up the bottles while cleaning. Decided it was nice to be able to open the windows and left it like that. One day she comes over while I'm gone and puts it all back. GM later tells me they're pretty and to leave them up, I mention it's nice to open the windows(it was summer) and I hear from GGM that I need to leave the doors and windows shut and locked so no one breaks in and assaults me. There is not an emoticon that reflects the look on my face. Really?
Not only am I armed but there's the dog.....
And no not a lot of people my age would spend as much time doing stuff for their grand parents. Most people my age are too focused on their own lives to have time to drive 15 minutes to change the input on the TV back to HDMI2 when they accidentally hit the touch enabled buttons on the tv.
They visit on holidays, send cards and occasionally call.
You guys forget I haven't been going with him long. I've spent the better part of nearly 3 years doing anything and everything she's asked me to do for either house and I can't pick gd curtains or open windows in the kitchen.
Trust me, if she had let me do what I wanted so much more would have happened to the house.
She told me it wasn't going to matter what I did, then somehow that all changed.
I'd have gotten a new rug for the living room.
Steamed the wallpaper off the walls and painted.
Gotten new curtains for it.
Currently doing the same thing to the bedroom. How one room is ok and another isn't is beyond me.
In all the rooms with linoleum would have been changed out for new flooring. It's porous and hold stains, dog hair clings to it for dear life. It's been awful to keep clean.
A new backsplash in the kitchen, new faucet, new handles for cabinets. I would have even sanded them and repainted.
We even were in the process of picking out a whole new sink for the bathroom.
Which, I can't see what's holding it up buts it's breaking the wall and its tilted, my stuff falls off all the time.
All of it vetoed.
Not to mention we only have a few rooms out of the entire house.
The whole second floor is crammed packed with all their old stuff. Old clothes, sewing tables, etc. It's an episode of hoarders upstairs. None of the stuff in the living room is mine except tv, tv stand and soundbar.
GGMs room, the biggest bedroom downstairs, off limits. Were crammed in a tiny room at the front of the house. Our bed takes up most the room.
The laundry room is storage for them too. There's a saddle in there... Why idk.
And the dining room has a whole side of it of their stuff, plus a stove and a fridge she has no where else to put.
Can't touch any of their stuff either. Can't box it for them. My GGM insists on coming out, sifting through a few things, balling up her fist and throwing her walker when my GM tells her she can't bring anything back wth her.
Nothing gets done. It's been 3 years and there isn't a single dent in any of their work.
Not to mention GGM thinks we just came out for a visit and stayed for a few years. She talks about it all the time. How she had no idea and how we just stayed. Months of prep went into moving.
You're all ganging up on me and I've been doing pretty well.
I can see this for what it is... GM is tired of taking care of GGM and all her crap. The only reason I think she's selling now so suddenly is because she can't afford assisted living for her mother and is just done. My mom, brother and his gf staying with trek for the holidays must have pushed her over the edge.
She wasn't even going to sell the house till GGM passed because once GGM knows GM is selling the house she's going to be irate, forget she's irate and then next time my GM mentions it will go back to being irate again.
She had been nothing but pissed days prior, trust me, went over for xmas eve and she was yelling at me about them.
So yes, I do feel like this whole situation is a bunch of crap. I've wasted the last 3 years on a house that in the end wasn't going to become mine like we discussed, how I haven't been able to do anything I wanted to the house but had to do everything asked and now because she's having a mental breakdown over something the whole family has been trying to get her to address for the last 6 years and now because it's reached its boiling point I'm now in a stupid situation.
To top it off I've listened to some of you say crap about him leaving me due to my back when you're the same women who probably cried and did all that silly crap when that bride broke her neck in the pool. Days before the wedding. Look at that she literally has zero to offer besides her personality, not only did he stay but they had a kid and now he literally does all the work.
Yet I get told I better lock him down so he doesn't leave my gimp ass.
Somehow a little piece of paper will make him a good person who wouldn't leave someone disabled.
Btw, I'm not settling for some 30 minute courthouse paper signing session. Id like to save for an actual wedding. I don't need to be so insecure that I have to marry someone so they stay with me.
To me it's the relationship that matters, not some piece of paper.
Get your own place and you can do whatever you want whenever you want.
And no not a lot of people my age would spend as much time doing stuff for their grand parents. Most people my age are too focused on their own lives to have time to drive 15 minutes to change the input on the TV back to HDMI2 when they accidentally hit the touch enabled buttons on the tv.
They visit on holidays, send cards and occasionally call.
You're all ganging up on me and I've been doing pretty well.
I can see this for what it is... GM is tired of taking care of GGM and all her crap. The only reason I think she's selling now so suddenly is because she can't afford assisted living for her mother and is just done. My mom, brother and his gf staying with trek for the holidays must have pushed her over the edge.
She wasn't even going to sell the house till GGM passed because once GGM knows GM is selling the house she's going to be irate, forget she's irate and then next time my GM mentions it will go back to being irate again.
So yes, I do feel like this whole situation is a bunch of crap. I've wasted the last 3 years on a house that in the end wasn't going to become mine like we discussed, how I haven't been able to do anything I wanted to the house but had to do everything asked and now because she's having a mental breakdown over something the whole family has been trying to get her to address for the last 6 years and now because it's reached its boiling point I'm now in a stupid situation.
Yet I get told I better lock him down so he doesn't leave my gimp ass.
Somehow a little piece of paper will make him a good person who wouldn't leave someone disabled.
Btw, I'm not settling for some 30 minute courthouse paper signing session. Id like to save for an actual wedding. I don't need to be so insecure that I have to marry someone so they stay with me.
To me it's the relationship that matters, not some piece of paper.
Most people aren't living rent free in their GGM's house.
It really doesn't matter WHY she wants to sell. All that matters is that she does, and it is her right. If she thought you were willing and able, she'd probably want you to stick around and help clean the house out.
Is this really what the deal was? Was that agreed upon, or just wishful thinking? You've been living without paying rent for 3 years. That's hardly a waste.
No. A piece of paper won't keep him from leaving you. Nothing will, and no one said that. What it will do is help you get spousal support if he does.
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