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So I sound like Eeyore. "This place is HUGE" "tell me about it, its a pain to clean". "What a great view!" "Yeah, but the sun shines in all day and the house gets so hot". "what a great yard" "The kids never use it". "The ceilings are so high" "Its terrible to change a light bulb". It just spews out of my mouth!
This reminds me of a conversation I observed at work years ago:
Tonya: That's a nice sweater, Deb.
Deb: It's old.
What followed was a short lecture by Tonya explaining to Deb that putting a negative spin to a genuine compliment was an insult, that it could be viewed as a rejection. Just another way to look at it.
OP, on occasion, I've found myself doing that too. Not so much now, but more so when I was younger. I think it came from being told, as a child, not to be braggart. A bit of a misfire on my part, since the compliment wasn't coming from me. I wasn't complimenting myself, lol. I just started saying thank you and quickly returned the compliment. Returning the compliment definitely worked well for me. Now, I find it easy to say thank you, I like it too.
6 Months ago we closed on a beautiful home. I was so happy, it was such an upgrade from where we had been living...ever before. Its kind of stunning. And then I found out how embarrassed I am to have people over. When people, any people, come over, they ooo and awe, gasp. It isn't just polite "your home is lovely". Its really over the top. A big part of it is we have large windows and a great view, so there is that. I get so embarrassed.
So I sound like Eeyore. "This place is HUGE" "tell me about it, its a pain to clean". "What a great view!" "Yeah, but the sun shines in all day and the house gets so hot". "what a great yard" "The kids never use it". "The ceilings are so high" "Its terrible to change a light bulb". It just spews out of my mouth!
And then I feel like I have to justify why we bought this house. "It was such a good deal and we couldn't find anything else that matched our needs...its just too big for us." (Which is true...it was a great deal, we were about to give up and build when we found it and it is too big for us, but we will grow into it).
I have avoided inviting friends over. I won't post pictures on FB for my friends back home to see, even though they have asked.
But this week my kids have a playdate, and I offered to host (it was my turn, really). I am friendly with the mom, she works with my kids. I have been to her house and its really cute, but small and older (I swear I would trade). But I feel nervous that inviting them over is going to come off as bragging.
I don't plan on giving anyone a grand tour, or anything. But how to I accept compliments on the house without sounding dumb? "Thanks, we like it" sounds good enough. I just get so uncomfortable!
Anyways...any thoughts?
how does your home embarrass you yet this post does not ?
It sounds like your parents' brainwashed you with their relentless jealousy of people who were even modestly successful.
I don't think you were humble bragging at all; but I do think you should get a little more therapy to help erase your parents' craziness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
I've been looking for a good fit therapist since moving here. Tried 3 and am really not finding someone I click with
You can't erase it, but I think you can shove it back and not let it effect you.
I have decided a few years ago it doesn't do any help "getting it out". The less I talk about my upbringing the better I am. I am not the same person I was when I was growing up. I am grown now with my own thinking. Just because you had a lousy childhood doesn't been you can't have a great adulthood.
When I made the conscience decision to stop talking about it I did much better. Just a thought...
6 Months ago we closed on a beautiful home. I was so happy, it was such an upgrade from where we had been living...ever before. Its kind of stunning. And then I found out how embarrassed I am to have people over. When people, any people, come over, they ooo and awe, gasp. It isn't just polite "your home is lovely". Its really over the top. A big part of it is we have large windows and a great view, so there is that. I get so embarrassed.
So I sound like Eeyore. "This place is HUGE" "tell me about it, its a pain to clean". "What a great view!" "Yeah, but the sun shines in all day and the house gets so hot". "what a great yard" "The kids never use it". "The ceilings are so high" "Its terrible to change a light bulb". It just spews out of my mouth!
And then I feel like I have to justify why we bought this house. "It was such a good deal and we couldn't find anything else that matched our needs...its just too big for us." (Which is true...it was a great deal, we were about to give up and build when we found it and it is too big for us, but we will grow into it).
I have avoided inviting friends over. I won't post pictures on FB for my friends back home to see, even though they have asked.
But this week my kids have a playdate, and I offered to host (it was my turn, really). I am friendly with the mom, she works with my kids. I have been to her house and its really cute, but small and older (I swear I would trade). But I feel nervous that inviting them over is going to come off as bragging.
I don't plan on giving anyone a grand tour, or anything. But how to I accept compliments on the house without sounding dumb? "Thanks, we like it" sounds good enough. I just get so uncomfortable!
Anyways...any thoughts?
I'm sure many more unfortunate people would love to have your problem.
#firstworldproblems.
You can't erase it, but I think you can shove it back and not let it effect you.
I have decided a few years ago it doesn't do any help "getting it out". The less I talk about my upbringing the better I am. I am not the same person I was when I was growing up. I am grown now with my own thinking. Just because you had a lousy childhood doesn't been you can't have a great adulthood.
When I made the conscience decision to stop talking about it I did much better. Just a thought...
At this point I agree. I spent 5 years talking about my childhood. And I needed to for about 3 of those years. But my thoughts are reframed in a way I am happy with. I would like, however, a therapist to discuss my present with. Because of a severe abuse history, I still struggle with things...I'd like to find a therapist who will work with me on present day issues. But once they take my history, ALL they want to focus on is the past abuse. I tell them I don't want to, that isn't my goal, and they either tell me I have to or agree and ignore my personal goals and keep pushing the childhood stuff. I've gone to 3 looking for someone who was willing to work with me on my goals (which might occasionally include childhood stuff, but not all the time). So far I haven't found one who will. Its disheartening and I have sort of given up.
When I talk about childhood abuse, I feel terrible, I become forgetful, I get in a terrible mood and I lose touch with present day. But if I don't talk about it (unless something comes up I want to discuss), I am a normal functioning adult.
You might do better with a MSW (Masters in Social Work) counselor if you haven't tried that.
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Isn't that rich?
I have decided a few years ago it doesn't do any help "getting it out". The less I talk about my upbringing the better I am. I am not the same person I was when I was growing up. I am grown now with my own thinking. Just because you had a lousy childhood doesn't been you can't have a great adulthood. 
