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When/why/how do you decide when you go with your instinct of not wanting to do something versus pushing through and doing it?
For instance, I'd rather not do a lot of things like attend funerals, get up at 5am to go to the gym, etc., but I know intellectually they're good things for me to do.
I'm thinking more like when people say something like, "I'd rather not go to dinner with ____, she's always bitter and whining," or, "I'd rather not go to _____ to eat, we never get good service and the menu is lame."
Regarding stuff like the above, if the person says that but keeps on doing it, isn't that sort of, well, stupid? Dishonest in some way?
Sometimes "why" you're doing something is bigger than your discomfort.
I hate attending funerals, but I know my presence may, in some small way, comfort someone.
Yes that restaurant's menu is lame, but it's mom's favorite and her birthday.
When/why/how do you decide when you go with your instinct of not wanting to do something versus pushing through and doing it?
For instance, I'd rather not do a lot of things like attend funerals, get up at 5am to go to the gym, etc., but I know intellectually they're good things for me to do.
I'm thinking more like when people say something like, "I'd rather not go to dinner with ____, she's always bitter and whining," or, "I'd rather not go to _____ to eat, we never get good service and the menu is lame."
Regarding stuff like the above, if the person says that but keeps on doing it, isn't that sort of, well, stupid? Dishonest in some way?
Maybe it's just being optimistic. Maybe _____ will have a good day and be a cheerful companion for a change, so why not take a chance. Maybe that restaurant has hired new staff or a new cook who is fantastic, and you won't know if you don't ever go.
Sometimes "why" you're doing something is bigger than your discomfort.
I hate attending funerals, but I know my presence may, in some small way, comfort someone.
Yes that restaurant's menu is lame, but it's mom's favorite and her birthday.
This.
In other words, OP, it's not all about you all the time.
If it's something done to impress? Skip it.
If it's something done because somebody else does it? Skip it.
If it's something done because somebody pressured you into it? Skip it.
If it makes you feel better? Do it.
If it makes somebody you care about feel better? Do it.
In other words, OP, it's not all about you all the time.
I know...that's why I separated those sorts of cases (where overcoming one's feelings would be a good, character-building exercise) versus cases where it appears to be repeating silly behaviors despite saying you don't want to.
Funeral-depends, acquaintance? only if I know the surviving spouse well. Family? gotta go even if it requires a plane flight and hotel room.
5 am gym- not me, I'd do it another time because I would not keep up that date for long.
Dinner (or anything else) with people I'm not related to-nope unless they are fun and I'd enjoy it.
People that continue doing things they'd rather not do are wasting their lives because they aren't capable of standing up for themselves. I know people that want to be liked more than they want to be happy. If you have a phobia about funerals you have an excuse but if you can go and just opt out because you'd rather stay home that's your decision. You are teaching your children this and can expect no one at your own funeral, which obviously won't matter to you but may matter to your family.
When/why/how do you decide when you go with your instinct of not wanting to do something versus pushing through and doing it?
I guess that when a person says "I rather not do...", they want to make it sound like they are doing a favor. They are only considering how the other person benefits. However, both sides benefit.
About a week ago, my husband said he wanted to have dinner at a particular chain restaurant. We had been to this chain restaurant but in another location recently and agreed it was a very blah experience. I agreed to go when last week he wanted to go. In the past, I would suggest trying a new restaurant and, for the most part, he was agreeable. With that in mind, I agreed to go to the chain restaurant. It's all about give and take plus compromise.
No one really likes to do thing like go to funerals, or weddings for that matter But you do just to be polite or help out in time of need in the case of funeral services, those types of things doesn't make one dishonest.
This thread is actually strange the more I think about it. Going to restaurants with people you don't like or restaurants that suck is usually done, again, to be polite. Those types of things are actually the types of things that I would say F it if I really didn't want to go. The wedding thing hits home as we just got an invite from one of the family members. Unfortunately we have to go. There isn't anyway short of a last minute emergency that we can get out of it, so people usually do that sort of thing to not be offensive to family, but if I had my druthers, I'd really not want to go. I hate weddings, funerals, graduations, pretty much anyplace where large groups of humans congregate.
Last edited by Chowhound; 01-02-2016 at 06:11 PM..
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But you do just to be polite or help out in time of need in the case of funeral services, those types of things doesn't make one dishonest.
