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I can feel where you're coming from. It seems like I got invited to a rash of weddings right after a big breakup and that sucked. If you're good enough friends with her, consider calling her and asking whether it would be OK for you to bring a girlfriend (I'm assuming you're a girl; I mean a platonic friend) with you so that you don't feel self-conscious. Emphasize that you're excited for her and want to celebrate with her, but that you've been having a tough time and it would help you feel a little more comfortable. Unless it's a big seated dinner where one extra guest is a big deal, she shouldn't have a problem with it.
??? This isn't a major event. It's a housewarming party that they are surprising people with announcing their engagement. So basically any food that is there won't be affected by 1 person not coming.
I can feel where you're coming from. It seems like I got invited to a rash of weddings right after a big breakup and that sucked. If you're good enough friends with her, consider calling her and asking whether it would be OK for you to bring a girlfriend (I'm assuming you're a girl; I mean a platonic friend) with you so that you don't feel self-conscious. Emphasize that you're excited for her and want to celebrate with her, but that you've been having a tough time and it would help you feel a little more comfortable. Unless it's a big seated dinner where one extra guest is a big deal, she shouldn't have a problem with it.
??? This isn't a major event. It's a housewarming party that they are surprising people with announcing their engagement. So basically any food that is there won't be affected by 1 person not coming.
I am incredibly selfish lol I admit it and I'm ok with it. At this point in my life if something is not going to put me around single, attractive men who would get married to me within a year and get me pregnant, I have no real reason to do it.
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Originally Posted by Gab12
My friend is engaged after having been married literally her marriage didn't even end a full year ago and she is engaged again so no I am not happy for her especially when like I said my relationship ended like 4 days before christmas. I deserve to be in a good relationship and engaged and married and pregnant right not celebrating other people and their happiness... I get to be happy when??? Obviously never.
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Originally Posted by Gab12
No. I am friends with her. We have classes together, she is a good friend. But I mean obviously if I want to find a husband hanging out in couples and being sad isn't going to help move that process along. I just am not sure that going to this party has any benefit for me? I mean I will likely not be meeting people that I click with, I will be sad because I am pretty much sad every single day, there won't be single guys there so no chance to potentially meet a husband. I would like to go and have fun but I know I won't. I know it is just going to go in the jar of things that upset me so why bother putting myself in that position??
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Originally Posted by Gab12
So what am I supposed to do? I mean it is a cycle for me. I am unhappy because I am not in a relationship, when I was in a relationship I was so happy I had my happiness taken away when it ended. I am likely going to be unhappy until I get into a relationship. Every crappy date, or text that goes unresponded to makes me more and more bitter, more jealous and more needing a relationship. It is like painful. The idea of losing my relationship used to give me panic attacks so imagine how it was when it actually ended.
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Originally Posted by Gab12
Because if I am not in a relationship then I'm nothing. Obviously if you are in a relationship someone wants you and picks you and you are a good desirable person and if you aren't in a relationship then you aren't.
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Originally Posted by Gab12
Marriage and kids makes you a desirable person. Obviously if you are married someone likes you and wants you because DUH they married you. They love you enough to have kids with you and give you a family so they obviously trust that you are a decent human being and love you enough to want to populate the world with you. If you are single then obviously no one wants you because if they did you would be with them.
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Originally Posted by Gab12
I'VE thought about that and I don't want that. I also just got a text from the guy I went out with last so yay maybe I'll go
All of this is sad. The bolded parts are downright pathetic. There is no way you could possibly be a good partner to someone when you feel as bad about yourself as you do. Keep going to therapy. You need it desperately.
When is this party? If it is a week or more away, just change your RSVP. It will be extra crappy and selfish of you if you wait until the last minute and change your mind based on your latest date and whether or not he calls you.
All of this is sad. The bolded parts are downright pathetic. There is no way you could possibly be a good partner to someone when you feel as bad about yourself as you do. Keep going to therapy. You need it desperately.
When is this party? If it is a week or more away, just change your RSVP. It will be extra crappy and selfish of you if you wait until the last minute and change your mind based on your latest date and whether or not he calls you.
Next week.
I'm going to see how I feel closer to the time.
But what am I going to do? Just be sad and miserable? With all the couples while I just sit there praying someone texts me
Yes, sit there and text.
Don't interact with the people at the party. Maybe of one of these couples will think "we know a single guy", better to sit there and text and be insular.
So .... It wouldn't be so bad if there were going to be a lot of hot single people there or if they weren't one of those overly loving couples... it can be so annoying I just don't want to deal with it. How do I handle this situation?
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Originally Posted by Gab12
But what am I going to do? Just be sad and miserable? With all the couples while I just sit there praying someone texts me
So like maybe you're like all about you like and you like don't care much about your friend's feelings.
Grad school? As in graduated high school, like maybe so.
OR, you could put your supposed friend's feelings before your own and PRETEND to be having the time of your life to make her feel good. Unless it's all about you.
On the otherhand, if there were going to be a bunch of cold single people, you'd still have to pretend, now wouldn't you?
I can't imagine the dilemma you are facing - to be miserable with others or to be miserable alone.
Or to risk the chance of making a new friend - not a new boyfriend, not a new partner, a friend. If you weren't so into yourself, you might not be in the speed dating pool.
You've RSVP'd. Be a grown-up, and go to your friend's engagement announcement party. You don't have to stay forever. You might surprise yourself and have a good time -- here's a news flash: Most couples aren't joined at the hip and have been known to actually separate during a party so they can enjoy meeting other people.
Stay for a while, and if it's a dud, then leave. You leave politely: Not "oh, this party is so distressing, I miss my ex so much" moaning, but a bright, "Sorry I have to dash, but I have another party I promised to drop in on. Congratulations!" Which person sounds like more fun? But you might surprise yourself by actually having a good time -- as long as you haven't talked yourself out of it.
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