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Your sister is the problem for allowing this to go on. Talk to her, offer help if she wants it. Don't approach him. You will lose your relationship with her.
Why not spend time with your sister and nephew at your own home? Your constant presence in an already busy household is obviously a stressor to the family.
The funny thing about marriage is that you will be left out in the cold in favor of the spouse. I agree that you should just leave. I also understand your concern for your sister, but the bottom line is that it's her life. It doesn't matter if you agree with it or not. I have an ex friend that's an alcoholic and on a slippery slope. I talked to him about it in a loving way, told him to look up certain information about alcohol abuse, and offered to hold his hand every step of the way if he wanted help. I saw his Mr. Hyde side and now he is totally out of my life. I can't help him anymore then you can change your sister's life. Does it make me sad that he's so far gone? Yes, but it's his life, his choice. Just as it's your sister's life and her choice.
Most posters have said "Keep out of it." I disagree. I think your concerns are valid.
NO person should ever be screaming at his/her spouse. People can disagree with that statement all they wish, but where in "love, honor, and cherish" does screaming fit in? Perhaps your sister is like I was, assuming that being screamed at by my husband was a normal part of marriage. Perhaps, like I was, she feels that constant arguments and unhappiness is a normal part of marriage. Perhaps, like I was, she feels divorce is not an option.
For 25 years, I was married to a man who sounds a lot like the man you describe. He NEVER did one iota of housework (he would actually boast about that fact), rarely helped with the 3 children, watched hours of TV everyday while I was completely frazzled from working and taking care of the house and kids. He screamed at me all the time, which absolutely devastated me to the point of becoming suicidal. My religious beliefs at that time completely forbid divorce (I am now a happy, open-minded agnostic.)
I wish that even ONE person would have told me "This is not a normal, healthy marriage." Thankfully, I eventually did figure that out, after I left the mind-controlling church I had been a part of for so long, and after many other significant events in my life.
And the best part is now I am married to the kindest, most wonderful man I have ever met, and in our 8 years of being together, NOT ONCE have either of us raised our voice to the other, or spoken disrespectfully whatsoever. We may face differences of opinion on matters, but we do not yell and argue. We discuss calmly, with a genuine concern for what makes the OTHER person happy. We truly love, honor, and cherish. THIS, not what you describe, not what I lived for 25 years, is a healthy, respectful marriage. Please lovingly talk with your sister to share your concerns. If she says she is genuinely happy in her marriage (which I cannot fathom), then leave the door open for helping her in the future should she decide she wants it. But be sure she knows that marriage can and should make her feel cherished.
It is not your problem to solve, it is your sister's problem to solve.
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