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Contact her however you want and tell her and keep repeating: "I do not loan anyone money", no other words. She will eventually lose interest and quit contacting you.
Part of me wants to be nice. "I'm sorry for your hardships, but I cannot help you. Perhaps you can ask your creditor for an extension to pay this bill. Good luck!"
Part of me wants to be nice. "I'm sorry for your hardships, but I cannot help you. Perhaps you can ask your creditor for an extension to pay this bill. Good luck!"
No way! And at this point you're putting way to much thought into it. Don't be an enabler.
Part of me wants to be nice. "I'm sorry for your hardships, but I cannot help you. Perhaps you can ask your creditor for an extension to pay this bill. Good luck!"
The nice part of you needs to stand down.
The angry part of you needs to stand down.
The forthright, self-respecting, rational an unemotional boundary-defending part of you needs to take charge.
This is not about you "cannot" give her money. This is you making the prudent, self-respecting decisionnot to give her money.
You didn't cause her hardships, so there is no reason for you to feel bad about them.
And the absolute last thing any mooching relative wants to hear is common sense advice about contacting a creditor, or making a budget. Don't waste your breath. They just resent it even more.
Give her no sympathy and no advice.
Inform her of the one fact that applies: You don't lend money.
I don't see it as enabling but not really into the psycho-babble stuff so maybe it is.
For what it's worth at this point I too would have responded with a firm no, and I like your comment about not keeping secrets from your mother. Not saying you have to run to your mother and tell but if she asks…..
and you not have to justify your refusal. Your money, your decision.
Boy, people are really overthinking this. There's no need to respond emotionally. You can BE emotional about it. Laugh like a hyena or curse her out. But responding with emotion will only make things worse.
You just say, "Sorry, no can do." No explanation needed. If she comes back at you, repeat exactly the same. Be a broken record. If you want any kind of relationship with her, you can say you're sorry she's having trouble, but you can't help her. If you want no relationship, don't even bother with that.
My daughter right now is dealing with an ex-husband who is a similar drama queen (king) and it's clear to me that allowing ANY detail for these people to grab onto is a poor move.
You gave her the idea that you would have lent her the money if you "could" have, and that you didn't lend it this time because you did not have it.
Plus you extended sympathy, which excuses her behaviour.
You treated her bad financial management the same as someone getting in an unavoidable car wreck, ie, as not her fault, worthy of sympathy.
She'll be back. She'll have you pegged as a 'soft touch' now.
No, she knows it isn't because I don't have the money. I always have it. Like I said, she hasn't asked me for any money in a long time so that's why I decided to give a polite response, but if she asks again, the answer will always be NO.
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