Friends ignore my birthday but celebrate another friends (personality, person, present)
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If I had a friend who was an enabler like this, that had a bunch of no-account scrubs dragging her down and she refused to climb her way out of it, I'd have to start distancing myself from her, because I would eventually lose any kind of respect I ever had for her. I'd know I can't really invite her anywhere because she can't afford it because of those assclowns she has saddled herrself with. So basically, the reason this is happening is all on you.
Now, say one day she finds her spine and kicks those scrubs to the curb, I'd love to help her get away from that pack of scum and welcome her back to the fold.
But right now, you are so far away from what their lives are like, you simply don't belong there anymore.
Sorry if that sounds harsh.
Why would it matter? I don't bring my problems to them or cause any drama. I don't whine about my life to them. I don't inconvenients them with my life and my problems. When we go out we laugh about other stuff no serious stuff. I don't try to drag anyone down so why force me out
Yeah but then if I do that and turn my back on them and go some where else and fail then Ill have nobody and I already have no friends and no boyfriend and my dog is gonna die soon too bc I can't afford his surgery and he has a bum leg and is blind I'm lucky he made it to Christmas. The kids are upset he's dying
And my sister would hate me forever she already doesn't like me and then my mom doesn't like me okay basically I guess nobody likes me besides my dog and my baby nephew. I just wanted to have fun with my friends again like normal because they used to love me and thought I was funny.
Anyway I guess it would be easy for me to just leave but if I screw up I will have nobody and no one to come back to.
If they already don't like you when you are supporting them, what makes you think they would provide any support of any kind if you needed help?
Your only hope for a better life is to get them off your back. Get out. Get some training. Get a better job. Get a career-track job. Make something of yourself. Save yourself; nobody is going to do it for you.
If your family does not appreciate what you are doing for them, why keep doing it? They can fend for themselves. You are young and still have a chance to break free and create the life you want.
Sorry about your poor dog. It's hard when our pets are ill or old and transitioning across the Rainbow Bridge. I'm sure he knows you love him very much.
If I had a friend who was an enabler like this, that had a bunch of no-account scrubs dragging her down and she refused to climb her way out of it, I'd have to start distancing myself from her, because I would eventually lose any kind of respect I ever had for her. I'd know I can't really invite her anywhere because she can't afford it because of those assclowns she has saddled herrself with. So basically, the reason this is happening is all on you.
But right now, you are so far away from what their lives are like, you simply don't belong there anymore.
Sorry if that sounds harsh.
It does sound harsh - but is 100% true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy
Why would it matter? I don't bring my problems to them or cause any drama. I don't whine about my life to them. I don't inconvenients them with my life and my problems. When we go out we laugh about other stuff no serious stuff. I don't try to drag anyone down so why force me out
They don't live in a vacuum. They know. They most likely feel sorry for you - but don't want to be reminded of you and the life you have chosen to live. It's a downer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaofan
If they already don't like you when you are supporting them, what makes you think they would provide any support of any kind if you needed help?
Your only hope for a better life is to get them off your back. Get out. Get some training. Get a better job. Get a career-track job. Make something of yourself. Save yourself; nobody is going to do it for you.
If your family does not appreciate what you are doing for them, why keep doing it? They can fend for themselves. You are young and still have a chance to break free and create the life you want.
THIS. Otherwise, you will still be posting the same crap, 10 or 20 years from now - except it will have gotten worse. You have one life - is this how you choose yours to be?
Maybe no one wants to hang out with her because she is cheap?
Don't be mean.
It just strikes me as amusing to hear Olive Garden and Chili's described as expensive restaurants when they hardly qualify as a restaurant in my mind - they are more like an eatery. But hey, I was young once too.
If I were the OP, I'd kind of not like what happened either. It's easy to sit here and say you're a Karen or whatever. Bottom line is that the OP was offended and probably a little hurt by the behavior of her friends. That doesn't feel good.
If they already don't like you when you are supporting them, what makes you think they would provide any support of any kind if you needed help?
Your only hope for a better life is to get them off your back. Get out. Get some training. Get a better job. Get a career-track job. Make something of yourself. Save yourself; nobody is going to do it for you.
If your family does not appreciate what you are doing for them, why keep doing it? They can fend for themselves. You are young and still have a chance to break free and create the life you want.
Sorry about your poor dog. It's hard when our pets are ill or old and transitioning across the Rainbow Bridge. I'm sure he knows you love him very much.
I tried talking with both of them a few days back about maybe trying to take classes but my mom and sister said that Id be setting myself up to fail. They know I have learning problems so theyvsaid they don't think I could do it. My mom knows my strength and weaknesses. I could try but what if shes right. Plus if I left what if she died since no one can take care of her but me
They don't live in a vacuum. They know. They most likely feel sorry for you - but don't want to be reminded of you and the life you have chosen to live. It's a downer.
THIS. Otherwise, you will still be posting the same crap, 10 or 20 years from now - except it will have gotten worse. You have one life - is this how you choose yours to be?
Ok well I'm sorry I don't try to be a downer. In real life I'm actually upbeà t and positive
I tried talking with both of them a few days back about maybe trying to take classes but my mom and sister said that Id be setting myself up to fail. They know I have learning problems so theyvsaid they don't think I could do it. My mom knows my strength and weaknesses. I could try but what if shes right. Plus if I left what if she died since no one can take care of her but me
This is your biggest issue right here.
If you can't love yourself, nobody else can either.
I tried talking with both of them a few days back about maybe trying to take classes but my mom and sister said that Id be setting myself up to fail. They know I have learning problems so theyvsaid they don't think I could do it. My mom knows my strength and weaknesses. I could try but what if shes right. Plus if I left what if she died since no one can take care of her but me
It is also possible that your mother and sister know that if you do get some training and succeed at something and find your place in the wider world, they will have to take care of themselves, maybe even (oh, the horror!) get jobs. It is entirely possible that you are being discouraged not out of concern for your feelings should you fail but because they don't want to lose the only person they have been able to persuade to support them.
There is no shame in failure. Just about everyone who eventually makes a success of life has failed at something along the way. They learn from it and move on. The shame is in not trying or allowing failure to defeat you. There is something you are good at, something that will give you the life you want. You need to find it, and it will almost certainly require finding things along the way that you are not good at. It's called life. But you won't find your ticket out of the poverty cycle by allowing parasites to drag you down and suck the life out of you by discouraging you from even trying to do something better.
No one can take advantage of you without your permission. Stop giving them permission to keep you from growing. Try new things, fail at some, keep trying until you find your place.
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